Isn't Worth Living: Chapter 4

Author's Note: I claim no responsibility for this. I had it all planned out and knew exactly what would happen, it had happened like that every time I ran it through my head. Or it did, until I tried to write it, at which point Ianto got cold feet.

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Jane took his hand nervously. She had no place doing anything like this, she knew. She had replaced them all, swept all of that aside. She’d just wanted to make sure that people didn’t forget the cost and the sacrifice, and Ianto was the first person she’d met who knew that sacrifice first hand. Of course, she thought as he whispered Lisa’s name, his story was slightly different. He’d fought so hard to save her, but the real Lisa Hallett had died here long before the incident in Cardiff. She just hoped she’d read the situation right.

Ianto had closed his eyes tightly, but it hadn’t stopped a tear slipping down his cheek. She was wracked with guilt and squeezed his hand tightly, trying to be there but knowing that she wasn’t what he needed. Sooner than she expected her rubbed his eyes with his free hand and squeezed hers back, pressing his finger to Lisa’s name once more before stepping back.

Now he knew what the room was, he took a second look and marvelled at Jane’s sensitivity. As far as he knew she had no connection to the battle, she hadn’t lost anyone, but she’d done this and given people somewhere to come, something to focus on. His attention was caught by a book at the end of the room, which lay open on a small table. He dropped her hand and went over the study it, finding a list of names and ages. He felt sick as he realised what it was, a list of the civilian casualties from the Battle, but felt the need to keep reading. Jane had stayed where she was, watching him nervously, so he flipped back to the first page and stared at the name there, “Rose Tyler.”

“She was the Doctor’s companion, probably gave her life saving us.”

“Sounds like one of his.” He replied, still without looking at her and thinking of his Captain, “He changes people.”

“Your Captain travelled with him, didn’t he?”

Now he swung around, “How do you know that?”

She looked taken aback by his defensive tone, “I’ve read the files, his arrest file was sent straight to Torchwood 1, as were all subsequent files about him for about forty years.”

“Why?”

Jane shrugged and turned away, “You know the Captain, if he’d decided that he didn’t want me here I wouldn’t stand a chance. I wanted to know whom I was dealing with.”

“Why wouldn’t he want you here?”

“I dunno, because I’m far too young, inexperienced and associated with the group who kept trying to steal his best friend?”

Now it was Ianto’s turn to look taken aback, “Best friend?”

“You? Well that’s the impression I got from his email, it was definitely about you and he seemed loath to lose you, for more than a professional reason.” She turned and headed back into the first room they’d come through and gazed out of the window, lost in deep thought. Ianto came and leant next to her, watching the mass of humanity moving around far below them.

He recalled something she’d said in the memorial room, “You don’t believe that, do you? About being too young and inexperienced?” She sent him a dark glance before returning to stare moodily out of the window but didn’t reply, “You’re doing well so far.”

“What, you mean I’m still alive?”

“Well you have to admit, that’s a good start.” She managed a weak smile and he focused all his attention on her again, “How did you end up here?”

“UNIT. I was causing too much trouble there, so when the Colonel heard about the Archive being created, he saw the perfect excuse to get rid of me, as I’d already completely rearranged their archive.”

“Can I ask, your name, what you told us earlier wasn’t the truth, was it?”

“Jane Doe, hah, yes. It has such an air of mystery, don’t you think. Unfortunately, no government computer system will accept it without it being confirmed by a human, so my legal name is Jane Donovan. But I’ve been Jane Doe all my life, which I’m sure my parents would have found highly amusing, so I’m stuck with it.”

“What makes you think that?” she asked wearily

“I did some research, it is my job after all. And whoever set up your identity wasn’t as good as they’d like to think. I checked with someone who was allegedly at school with you, and they’d never heard of you. Facebook is a wonderful tool.”

“You know,” she smiled, “I’m starting to regret telling the Captain I’d leave you alone. But yeah, I’m a real life Jane Doe. Hysterical Amnesia has wiped all my memories, my entire identity until about nine months ago. I was left at UNIT headquarters with horrific injuries, severe head trauma, collapse rib cage, the whole lot.”

“Sounds like it was a miracle you survived.”

“Is it?” she asked miserably and his heart broke for her, “Sometimes I wonder.”

“You’ll be glad you did.” He reassured her

“I hope so, I really do. But at least I fell into this lifestyle, this wonderful world of insanity and mystery. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

“Even your memories?”

She shook her head forcefully, “No. Because if I remember my past I’ll remember what happened to me to make me lose my memories. I don’t remember anything apart from a lingering pain, and even that’s gone now. I’ve got the rest of my life to fill with happy memories, this is me and I don’t really want to know who I was.” For such a young woman she sounded so broken and bitter, her really wanted to hold her and protect her from the world, but he’d only just met her and…

And Mark chose that moment to appear in the doorway, “Thought I’d find you both up here.” He said as he advanced across the room with his hands in his pockets, “It’s been a Hell of a day, Jazz.”

She chuckled, “Certainly has, how do you think we did?”

“Mas o menos darling, mas o menos. We’ve got that bit of filing finished, and it’s too late to start on any of the files downstairs, so…”

“Go on.” She laughed, “Go find a pub somewhere, I’ll see you in the morning, I’ve got a couple of things I want to follow up.”

He grinned and turned to Ianto, “You coming mate? There’s a great club just round the corner, although I think it might be karaoke night tonight…”

They laughed at recollections of past karaoke nights with Torchwatch and he shook his head regretfully, “Sorry Mark, I’ve got to get back to sunny Cardiff, the team will be waiting with baited breath for my report?”

“Really?”

“Nah, they’ll be in the pub. And dreadfully disappointed when I’m nice about you all.”

Jane was tying her hair up and laughed, “Well they’ll have to get used to it, we’re just far too nice.” Mark raised an eyebrow at her and she pouted, “OK, so I’m far too nice, not sure about this one.”

“Me neither.” Mark looked decidedly put out, but Ianto had dropped his blank expression into place again and was trying hard not to laugh. After a moment of looking between the two of them, one mildly amused and one po-faced, he gave up and stalked away, muttering under his breath.

The Welshman turned to his new friend and offered his hand with a soft smile, “It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Jane. There’s my email address,” he gave her his card, “if you ever need to talk, just drop me a line, OK? I’d better get back to the team.”

“Thank you,” she smiled nervously and fiddled with the card, “I’ll walk you as far as the door, least I can do.”

They rode down to the foyer in a comfortable silence and she bade him farewell at the doorway. He watched her disappear into the bowels of Torchwood Tower before getting into his car, his head full of thoughts of the new filing system, the implications, the mysterious and damaged head of the Torchwood Archive, and the mysterious and damaged head of Torchwood Cardiff. Apparently being mentally disturbed was one of the first requirements to rise to the top at Torchwood.

Isn't Worth Living: Chapter 5

Author's Note: Wahey, and now we're back on familiar territory. How long can Ianto deny his attraction to Jack? On a scale of one to Jack, just how attractive is Jane? And what happened to those weapons that turned up whilst Ianto was having his panic attack during One Week? Don't know what I'm talking about? Read One Week to find out, otherwise tune in whenever I get another chapter up to find out what's going to happen to our lovely boy and their team.

Disclaimer: Own nothing, although I wouldn't say no to a pint

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Ianto made his way across to his friends with a pint and dropped into the chair next to Jack. The others looked mildly shocked when he took off his tie and put it in his jacket pocket, “What?” he raised an eyebrow, “We’re not at work are we?”

“He has a point.” Jack laughed, “Good trip?”

“Yeah, London was a nightmare, as always, but I still made good time. I didn’t really expect to be back for another hour.”

“So…” Tosh leaned forwards conspiratorially, “What’s it like, do you think we’re in for trouble?”

“They’ve got a great set-up, easier to defend than the last one apparently, and she’s got an…” he struggled to find the word, “an interesting system.”

“You don’t approve?” Gwen asked.

“It’s bloody brilliant, to be honest. She’s got a numerical system that works, and because the interfacing is all done by her team rather than a computer it will actually honestly work. And it makes sense to use that system because she organised UNIT’s archive, which is the biggest one in the world, that’s how she got put in charge in London.”

“Whoa!” Jack choked on his drink, “You’re saying that someone from UNIT’s in charge? Whoever has control of Canary Wharf is the de facto head of Torchwood!”

“Yeah, she’s UNIT, but I think the current regime were glad to be rid of her. From his attitude today, I’d say that Mace isn’t a fan of her any more than he is of you.”

“Doesn’t mean we can trust her.” Jack pointed out

“What’s her line?” Owen interrupted

“She’s a bit odd really, very pro-Doctor I think. Treats anything alien as the property of the alien who lost it, wants to know as much as she can about everything. She’s had a…” he hesitated for a moment, not wanting to betray too much but needing to defend her, “She’s not had an easy past, I’d say she took an unorthodox route into UNIT.”

“A prisoner?” Tosh asked angrily

He nodded sadly, “Although I think it’s more complicated than that.”

“So what’s she like, really like? Middle aged dragon?” Gwen asked

“Not at all.” Ianto couldn’t keep the lingering surprise out of his voice, “She’s young, early twenties at the oldest although she looks to be in her late teens. Blonde hair with blue streaks, very cute.” Owen suddenly looked more interested, “And far too young for you Owen.” Ianto felt strangely protective of her, which was ridiculous, but still… “She’s lovely, really lovely. And strong enough to look after herself, she dealt very, very well with a government official today.” Taking a sip of his drink he allowed a grin to spread across his face, “My God that girl’s got spunk.”

Owen got up with a groan to get more drinks, Gwen following to help with the glasses. The three remaining knew that this was the only opportunity they’d get for serious discussion, so they took it, “All the official government organisations from across the world are involved. I heard about two dozen different languages being spoken today, everything from Spanish, French, other European languages right through to Japanese and Chinese. It’s the only thing that the whole world is united on, apparently. The latest reports and base files went up this morning and will be updated as we process them, but they need to be filed from there. Older reports, archived stuff, she’s gathering everything she can together to form concise reports, but everything will be available to view there or she’ll send it to whoever needs it by helicopter.”

“Whoa,” Owen returned and set the glasses down, “she has a helicopter? How come we don’t have one of those?”

“Because we’re based inside Cardiff, Owen. Why would we need a helicopter?”

“Besides,” Tosh commented, “Who’d fly it?”

“I have a pilot’s licence.” They stared at Jack for a while, and he raised an eyebrow in amusement, “Oh come on, even Captain Slow has a pilot’s licence, surely the Captain of the Innuendo Squad is allowed one.” They all laughed, and Jack smiled at the memories of the young man who’d called him that, Mickey Smith had turned into quite a character by all accounts. Now there was someone he’d like to work with.

The talk turned to more mundane topics like rugby and, trust Jack, cricket because Rhys arrived with some friends of his and Gwen’s. After a while, he and Gwen headed home for an ‘early night’, Owen spotted and attractive girl at the bar, which filled Tosh’s eyes with pain and caused her to disappear shortly afterwards. Jack glared at Owen across the room and smiled tensely at Ianto, “Do you think he knows?”

“I hope not,” Ianto responded sadly, “I don’t think even Owen could do that if he knew.” He downed the rest of his drink and gestured at Jack’s equally empty glass, “You done?”

They left the pub together with their coats over their arms because of the warm night. Jack still wasn’t quite used to going back to Ianto’s, but it was strangely reassuring having somewhere to go that wasn’t the Hub. His mind, however, was troubled. “So the head of Torchwood, my, dear God my immediate superior. Now that’s something I never thought I’d have to say again, but you like her?”

“Yeah, she’s a lovely girl, is this going anywhere?” he put on an expression of amusement

“I’m just trusting your judgement on her, and feeling slightly sorry for her.” He lied, “I didn’t really want to have to fight her on a regular basis like I did Yvonne, but it sounds like she’ll be OK.”

Ianto tried to deny the disappointment; he’d thought that Jack sounded… jealous? But that was dumb, because he wasn’t interested in Captain Jack Harkness, not remotely interested so he shouldn’t be disappointed that Jack wasn’t interested either. He shoved his hands in his pockets, “She likes you, it’ll be fine. I have a feeling she’d give you anything you asked for, no matter what it was.”

“She likes me?” Jack sounded surprised

“Yes, hero-worships you. She’s read all the files about you.”

“All of them?” now he was worried, it didn’t suit him

“Yeah, she knows you were arrested way back when, so she’s presumably figured out that you’re immortal. She didn’t comment though.”

“I knew I should have covered my trail better.” He let out a laugh, “Ah well, as long as she likes me.”

Ianto could hear the smirk in his voice, “Oi, she must be at least 100 years younger than you!”

“Spoilsport.” Jack laughed again, seeming not to notice the jealousy fighting with Ianto’s feigned indifference.