Thursday

07.30

Jack was in the cellars feeding Janet when he heard the alarms go off to signal that one of the team had arrived. He finished off and strolled up to the Hub to find a very fragile looking Tosh sitting at her desk with a half empty glass of water, clear signs of an interesting but not unusual Torchwood night. The really unusual thing was that it was Tosh. He rested his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them gently in a circular motion, eliciting an appreciative groan, “You OK, Tosh?” He asked, “If you’re feeling ill you can have the day off.”

“Thanks, Jack, but I’ll be alright. It’s just a hangover, I’m not used to dealing with them, that’s all.”

He chuckled, “Not very like you, what were you doing last night?” The true meaning of the question remained hanging between them, unspoken but understood.

“Ianto and I drowned our sorrows in at least three bottles of wine between us. Well, mostly Ianto’s sorrows to be honest. I think he’ll be OK. At the moment he’s far too thin and doesn’t look like he’s slept but…” she smiled gently, “It’ll take a while, but he’ll get there.” Jack nodded gratefully and relaxed visibly. She could tell it had been weighing him down over the last couple of days. “I think it would help if you went to see him. He needs as many friends as he can get.”

He looked dubious and avoided the issue, as she expected, “How do you think Gwen and Owen are taking it?”

The technician wasn’t a woman to be diverted that easily, “I know it’s not because you don’t want to see him, because you clearly do. So why not? He wants to see you. If you ask me he’s got a bit of a hero worship thing going on.”

“Hero worship?” Jack looked astonished, “But he saw straight through me. I’m no hero, I’m a monster.” He looked thoroughly broken as he repeated Ianto’s words to her, like a man with no purpose and no desire to continue, showing a side she’d never even suspected he possessed. “I lash out and I hurt the people I care about, every time. And as a result, I’ve become nothing more than a hard shell with a core of acid, because that way I can’t get close enough to people to hurt them.”

“No! No, Jack. You’ve saved us all, especially Owen and me. We were at a point where we could either give up or go on and without you we couldn’t have gone on. For us, you are everything; you are the hero we want to be. We know that we’ll die young, because that’s Torchwood, but because of you we’ve got the chance to live more in this short space of time than we ever could in three lifetimes. Look, Jack, you were the only person who could save me and Owen, now you’re the only one who can save Ianto. Go and see him tonight, please?”

He nodded, indicating that he’d heard what she said, not agreeing to go and see him, “So…” He paused and swallowed painfully, he was as close to breaking down as he’d been in a very long time, “How are Gwen and Owen taking it do you think?”

Tosh knew when to drop the subject as well as when to push it; “Owen is taking it harder, because of Katie. I think that he’d like to think that he wouldn’t have done what Yan did, but secretly knows he would have.” She looked uncomfortable about what was coming next, “Gwen’s forgiven him I think, she’s still stung by it a bit, but she knows that she would do the same for Rhys…”

“She’s just having trouble forgiving me?” Jack hazarded in a monotone. Tosh’s heart almost broke to see him so miserable.

---

Ianto had almost laughed to see Tosh looking so ‘fragile’ the morning before, but he wasn’t in much better shape himself. Yet again he hadn’t been able to sleep, haunted by nightmares as soon as he got close to nodding off, so once she’d drifted off in the main living room he’d gone into the other one to read. By now he’d read most of the Sherlock Holmes stories, soon he’d have to move onto the DVDs, which he got out almost every time he had a day off, and then onto the fan-fiction he was working on. Once he got bored of that, hopefully sometime tomorrow, he’d move onto the Lord of the Rings DVDs he’d got in town, which would last him about two days and he’d only have another two to get through before he could go back to work.

Somewhere in his evening with Tosh, he wasn’t all that surprised to discover that he couldn’t remember exactly when, or even what they’d been talking about by the end of the evening, he’d decided that he would definitely be going back to work. Aside from the fact that he couldn’t imagine life without aliens, dinosaurs and, he had to admit, the dashing captain, he would definitely miss Tosh, and he got the feeling that she would miss him too. This was the small bright spark in what was a very dark outlook at the moment, probably not helped by the alcoholic clouds whirling around his brain.

Stifling a groan at the ache building in his head, putting a lie to the line that not sleeping prevented hangovers, he grabbed a couple of paracetamol and returned to the main living room to put on some ‘lift music’ and sink back into a Conan-Doyle induced cloudbank.

21.00

Jack was alone in the Hub again. The team had left not long before, having had a weevil sighting at about ten past five. Without Ianto around they were a mess, it had taken them nearly four hours to achieve what should have taken no more than one. He leaned back in his chair and let his thoughts stray back to the young man, worry clouding his features. Tosh’s words earlier in the day, coupled with Gwen’s continued standoffishness, had hit him quite hard. He’d been wrong, completely wrong, to ask what he did of Ianto; although maybe ‘ask’ wasn’t the right word. It had been an order, possibly the most despicable order he’d ever given. He’d been angry, furious, maybe even livid. But Ianto had been in love, and love is a much more admirable emotion than anger.

He rubbed at his eyes, hoping that if he did so enough he’d erase the memories of what he’d seen and done, but it wasn’t going to happen. Had his life, his extraordinarily long life, been building up to this point, this decision, which he’d made wrongly? He hoped not, because otherwise it had all been in vain. Every heartbreak, every loss, and every love, all worthless because he’d betrayed someone who relied on him. Someone who saw him as a hero? That was laughable. He’d never been a hero, even in the good days with Him. He’d been a coward, until that last day, when it had all gone wrong. After the disastrous result of his heroism he’d reverted to type. That was until Torchwood had got hold of him and he realised just how close he’d got to betraying his friend. The fact that they’d forced him into working for them and, by a convoluted route, against them had knocked off some of the edges that had grown back, until he was almost ready to take the control when it was given to him. Almost, but apparently almost wasn’t enough.

Groaning he swung his way down into the bunker under his office and stretched out on the bed. Sleep would be a long time coming tonight, if it came at all, but he didn’t really need it any more. The last thing he needed was to think, but with all the paperwork done and the Hub spotless, there wasn’t really anything else to do. What he really wanted to do was go and see Ianto but… Should he?

He reached for the phone but stopped with his hand hovering over it, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. Tosh had said he wanted to see him, but how many glasses of wine had they both had by the time she decided that? Would Ianto be less willing to see him on a clear head? Would he have a clear head at all, or would he have spent every night in a drunken stupor? That didn’t sound anything like his Ianto, but the idea made knives dance in Jack’s gut.

Hang on. When did he start calling Ianto his Ianto? He shook his head and laid back down feeling thoroughly miserable. Ianto didn’t even care about Jack and he’d still got hurt, just because Jack cared about him. Sometimes life dealt you a blinder. For Jack it seemed to happen on a fairly regular basis.

The sounds of the hub were deadened from here, it was virtually silent, and so the ringing of his phone was particularly loud. He reached for it and looked at it in confusion, feeling both hope and fear rising at the name on the screen: Ianto

---

His eyelids were getting heavy and he could feel sleep claiming him. He didn’t try to fight it, because he didn’t have the strength. He hadn’t eaten today, apart from a pickled onion which he suspected probably didn’t count, and he hadn’t slept properly since… OK, avoid that one, it was too hard to work out, but it was a long time. Far too tired to move, he switched off the TV and laid back on the sofa, letting the waves wash over him and claim him in dark oblivion.

Fifteen minutes later he was sitting with his back against the sofa sobbing and shaking. No matter how hard he tried to persuade himself that they were just nightmares his mind, sleep-deprived and still in the grip of the nightmare, would not be persuaded. Every shadow was full of menace; every sound was something coming to punish him for his mistakes. His breath hitched painfully as a car drove past the window, but he saw a cyberman’s searchlight and heard a Dalek. Not having seen them made them seem worse than they were, because his tortured imagination came into play.

Terror had a full grip in him, and he could only think of two options. The first was to run, but his subconscious mind knew that he couldn’t run from something inside his own head, so it went for the second option and reached for his phone. It rang a couple of times and he began to wonder if it would even be answered, but a worried voice greeted him before that train of voice was even completed. He took a deep and completely ineffectual breath to steady his voice and asked one of the most important questions of his life, “Jack, will you come round here, please? I need you.”

---

Jack had been halfway up the ladder by the time he’d registered the name, knowing that the reason for the call would be important, so when he heard Ianto’s request he only had to grab his coat and the keys for the SUV before he was heading out through the rolling cog door, thought was not required or even involved. Ianto had sounded terrified, his choice of words was obviously controlled, but his voice betrayed his true emotions; it sounded like he’d been crying, or screaming.

The usual fear, a sort of bone deep ache, which he felt whenever they were out and the team were in danger, had settled in and was urging him faster to Ianto’s house. It was about half an hour’s drive from the Hub, even at this time of night when the roads were quiet, and yet again Jack longed for the heady days of teleports and time-travel when everything had been so easy. He could have been there as soon as the phone rang, which would have removed this tense period of worry when he really, really shouldn’t be in control of a vehicle, especially one as large as the SUV. Jack swerved around a traffic island and reflected for a moment on the changes he’d seen in Cardiff since he’d moved there over one hundred years ago. Back then there had been no cars, no traffic lights, no Millennium Centre, barely any Torchwood. There had been nothing to hold him there, apart from vague threats and a promise that in one hundred years or so the person he was looking for would come around again. These days there was so much more, it was more like his home, the only home he could remember properly after so long, and there was so much keeping him here. He was halfway to one of the things.

Everything came and went in Jack’s life. The Doctor was a constant, even when he wasn’t there (Jack still felt like he was constantly looking over his shoulder), Jack himself was a constant, he knew he’d always bounce back, except for that brief moment with the Cyberwoman where he’d dared to hope that maybe this would finish him off. He considered that for a moment, it was the first time for quite a while that he’d wished he were mortal, that he would die and have it all over; he’d been that miserable. Ianto’s betrayal had broken his heart, which wasn’t all that unusual in Jack’s life, but it really was a spectacular way to do it. He’d thought they were friends at least, or that Ianto respected him enough to be unable to keep a secret like that. Then again, he’d also thought that Ianto was far too intelligent to do something so catastrophically DUMB, but people in love did stupid stuff.

Some would ask, if they knew what Jack had seen and done over the years, how he could come through that still believing in Love; the answer was that he had to, because that was the other constant in his life. He loved everything. Not like Owen would suggest, like he projected, that he would sleep with anything with a pulse, he actually loved everything. No matter what happened, there was always something to get him up in the morning, even if it was only the sight of the sunrise over Cardiff Bay and the taste of a bag of chips.

---

Ianto had made it to the bathroom and was staring at his reflection in the mirror; he was a wreck. He looked like he hadn’t slept or eaten in a week and he needed a shave – what Jack would say he couldn’t imagine. Actually, he could, which made it worse. He groaned and wandered back to the living room to flop back on the sofa – bugger Jack and bugger Torchwood. There was wine in the kitchen, a bad idea but a very appealing one; he was on his way when the doorbell rang and he changed his path to open the door to a concerned looking Jack. “You look dreadful Ianto, can I come in?”

He pulled a wry face and stepped aside, gesturing through to the living room and taking Jack’s coat to hang it up, “You don’t look much better, sir. Compared to your usual at least, your starting point is higher than mine.” He wasn’t lying, Jack looked tired and harried and guilt lanced through Ianto again. Had he done this?

But his boss managed a smile, a genuine one and even chuckled, “Harassment, Ianto? And please call me Jack. Everyone else does, and we’re not at work, are we?”

“Depends on your definition I suppose.” He gestured for Jack to take a seat and collapsed back on the sofa, “If we are then I call you sir and you’ve got me on the harassment. If not then it can’t be harassment. So which is it?”

“Jack. I don’t really mind the harassment anyway.”

Ianto laughed, “Can I get you something, coffee?” Jack didn’t even need to answer; the look on his face was quite enough so he followed Ianto through to the kitchen.

“How are you feeling, Yan?”

The young man turned round, surprised at the shortened form of his name, which only Tosh had ever used before at Torchwood. He paused to consider the options and eventually plumped for honesty, “Shit.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Yes.” He sighed.

Jack felt a huge surge of affection for the young man and was determined to do his utmost to remove the broken look, “I’m so sorry Yan.”

Ianto shook his head and handed Jack a steaming mug of coffee, pulling a chair out from the table and sinking into it, “Don’t be, it wasn’t your fault. It was mine, because I was stupid and blind. I’m sorry. I betrayed you all; you gave me so much, all of you but especially you, Jack. And all the time I had a monster of a secret just waiting to explode and kill you all.”

“We all make mistakes Ianto, there’s always something there to blind us to what’s right and what’s wrong. And one thing I’ve learnt is that love is always right, but the things we do in the name of love, they’re not always right.”

“So was I right, or wrong?”

“Wrong, but if it’s any consolation I’ve been more wrong in the past, we learn from our mistakes.” He smiled gently and seemed to hesitate a moment before reaching across to squeeze Ianto’s hand, and he was grateful when the young man not only didn’t move his hand but actually turned it to squeeze Jack’s hand in return, although he looked quite surprised by the open show of affection from the captain, “Let us help you, let me help. Please?”

Ianto nodded, and then hesitated, suddenly unsure of where to start. It had been nice to talk to Tosh the night before, but there had been things he felt he couldn’t talk about. Mostly they’d just drunk, but tonight he felt that he needed to talk, and Jack was probably the only person who would listen. “How long have you got?” He asked, half jokingly.

“As long as you need, I’m here for you Yan.”

---

Author’s Note: I’m going to leave to your imagination what Ianto says tonight, some of it will emerge in the next few chapters, but as A) I want to give poor Ianto some privacy and B) I hate writing reams of dialogue, this feels like a good opportunity to finish the chapter I intended to finish erm… four days ago? Sorry for the delay again lol, far too much angst going on for my poor brain, but the next one is well underway (you know when you want to think about one thing and something else insists on happening? Yeah, me too. Lol)

And I have no idea what’s going to happen in the next chapter, or when I’ll get interwebs next, so I’ve no idea when this is going up or when I’ll finish the next…

Disclaimer: Do not own, much though I want to. Property of the Barrowman Broadcasting Corporation

Friday

Jack lay on Ianto’s bed beside the younger man and watched him sleep; he looked so peaceful and so young. Jack’s heart bled at the sight, Ianto didn’t deserve the pain he’d felt, no one did, but especially not Ianto. He rolled onto his back and recalled some of their earlier conversation: “We’d been at a house just outside London collecting some artefacts from a garage sale, we knew the Ghost Shift was going to happen whilst we were there, but when it did it went… wrong.” Ianto had been staring at his hands, unwilling or unable to meet Jack’s eyes. “The ghosts became physical, cybermen. Mary, our leader, was ex-UNIT, she’d heard about the cybermen from people like Sir Alistair, all the horror stories of their invasions and the way the Doctor always saved the day. We raced back to Canary Wharf but it was over before we got there, we saw all the cybermen being dragged through the air away from us, and the bodies everywhere, all the people they’d killed. When we got there, the conversion machines, they’d just stopped, and Lisa…” his tears had started to fall then and he had been unable to continue.

Jack pulled him close and held him as sobs wracked him, needing to do something, anything, to stop the pain, but it had only got worse, “She was still alive, there was blood everywhere but she was alive. I knew my way through the building enough to avoid you all, I got her out and into the basement, and got a conversion unit to keep her alive, the whole place was dead, there were bodies everywhere, people who’d been caught in the crossfire, people I knew some of them. But I thought that if I could save her, if I could save just one person, it wouldn’t be as bad as it looked.”

“It felt like it was working, to start with anyway. She regained consciousness and it was Lisa, or I thought it was. But in the end she was gone, really, she was gone and there was a monster waiting to take her place.”

Then he’d talked about his nightmares, the reason that Jack was still lying on his bed watching him, even though it felt a bit creepy. They’d come in here because it was more comfortable, and Ianto could go to sleep if he needed to, and they’d sat facing each other on the bed, until Jack had moved round to hold him. He didn’t know if Ianto had even noticed. “I was always at Canary Wharf, walking down the corridor towards the conversion chambers, but when I got there it was different. Lisa was there, human, being pulled out the far end of the room by cybermen, but I couldn’t reach her because the room was full of daleks and cybermen. Every time, I got through the room but they’d taken her and converted her, fully converted her.”

He’d broken down then, unable to speak for several minutes, sobbing brokenly so that Jack dreaded what would come next, “And then she killed me, every night. Every time, I went to that corridor and walked down it, and there was nothing I could do to stop.”

“But last night it was different, it was worse, because when I went through the door at the other end of the room I was in the hub, in the basement with the conversion unit, and she wasn’t there. I knew as soon as I got there what I would find, she’d killed you all, and it was all my fault. I didn’t want to go on, didn’t want to see it, but I couldn’t stop.”

“I went down the corridor towards the main hub. Gwen was the first one I found, she was near the door, then I found Tosh at her desk, and Owen in the autopsy bay. He walked up the stairs, knowing without having to think about it what he would find. He would be too late, as before. Lisa was in the door of Jack’s office, he hadn’t seen her. He needed to shout a warning, but he couldn’t. He was rooted to the spot and all he could do was watch as she put her hand on his shoulder, and he swung round, and he died. Too late, Ianto found his voice, “Jack!”

“Shhh, I’m here Ianto, I’m here.” The captain was looking at him with eyes full of concern, holding him as he struggled against the nightmare, trying ineffectually to calm him.

“Jack?” As the last couple of days pieced themselves together in his mind he curled up, away from Jack’s comforting embrace, to wrap his arms around his knees and cry again.

Jack paused, at a loss once again. He’d never had to deal with anything like this, especially not with the added complication of his feelings for Ianto, which he still couldn’t make head nor tail of. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Working on gut instinct, not the most reliable guideline in his experience but the only one he had at the moment, he reached out a hand and rested it on Ianto’s shoulder. When the young man didn’t pull away he slid it down his back and rubbed gently in small circles, like he had with Tosh the day before. “Hey, come on Yan, talk to me. What’s up?” He paused to consider the question, “On a very specific in this moment scale, rather than a general ‘the world’s going to hell in a handcart’ scale.”

Ianto gave a humourless laugh and looked back at him, “I left a bit out, Jack. The bit where I saw her kill you.”

Jack pulled the young man close again and was grateful when he curled closer rather than pulling away; for one night, just one night, he could hold him close. It was a shame it was this night really. He paused to consider, wondering if he should divulge his greatest secret, “That’s not going to happen, Yan. Never ever, I’ll always be here for you.” He said finally, settling for something ambiguously reassuring. The ambiguity seemed to have been in vain though.

“It’s true then, you’re immortal?” Ianto was shocked to see Jack’s face darken in a look of betrayal.

“Did she tell you?” He asked quietly, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Did who tell me? No, no, I figured it out. You’re looking at a man who lives in the archives, you’re in reports dating back to 1869.” He gave a reassuring smile and it seemed to work; the captain relaxed again and the look vanished.

“Sorry, Gwen saw Suzie shoot me, I asked her not to tell anyone.”

“I won’t tell them, if you don’t want me to…”

“I think it’s all a bit academic now,” he laughed slightly, “Since they’ve all seen me deleted twice. But seriously, I thought I’d covered my tracks better than that. I spent ages in the archives trying to get rid of all my reports back at the turn of the millennium.”

“You missed a couple here and there, and it’s all backed up on the computer.”

“Seriously?” the immortal looked incredulous, “That computer’s more intelligent than I am.”

“And extraterrestrial?” Ianto asked, intrigued.

“Yeah,” the captain was clearly thrown by the revelation and so was saying more than he normally would have, “it’s a TARDIS, time and relative dimension in space, I travelled in one once, a long time ago.” He looked strangely uncertain as his brain caught up with his mouth, “Very long time ago, lifetimes.”

“Nearly one hundred and forty years, is that how you ended up in Cardiff?”

“I got left behind, came here to try and catch him up again, the Doctor that is, it was his ship. We died, my girlfriend and I, daleks.” He explained in broken phrases, clearly upset by the recollections, “And then I woke up and he’d left me behind. I almost hated him for it, especially when I overshot and ended up in the 1870s. He’s going to come back here soon to refuel, but I don’t know if he even knows I’m alive. I live in constant fear of waiting over one hundred years for him and then missing him.”

Ianto reached across and squeezed his hand reassuringly, “You’re not making a lot of sense, Jack. But, if you want to talk about it, I’d like to understand.”

A wave of gratitude swept over the older man, he hadn’t told anyone about his past and, truth be told, it was starting to weigh him down. Maybe Ianto would be the person he needed, just like he’d wished until Lisa came along, a proper friend. But for the moment… “Not tonight, one day, I promise, but you need to sleep.”

Ianto looked understandably nervous, “I don’t… Will you stay?” he asked in a rush.

“Of course,” he smiled gently, “I’ll even make you breakfast in the morning. And trust me, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt over the years, it’s how to make a decent breakfast.”

“The full works?” Ianto asked, his eyes feeling heavy, “Sausage, bacon, eggs…”

”Hash browns, the lot, you’d better believe it.” He laughed, feeling relaxed for the first time in longer than he cared to recall; maybe, for once, it was going to work out in his favour, just for a while, but this moment would keep him going.

Ianto slept soundly until he was woken by the nightmare again. Jack’s hand was a reassuring weight on his shoulder and he let the older man pull him close whilst he regained control of his breathing. He checked the time on the clock and groaned when he saw the reading, 09.46. Sitting up suddenly he frowned at Jack, “Jack, shouldn’t you be at work? You didn’t have to wait.”

“Not a chance Yan.” The captain smiled at him, “I’ve called Tosh and told her I’ll be in for a bit later to make sure everything’s running smoothly and Gwen and Owen haven’t blown anything up, then I’ll come back here. You need me more than they do. Besides, you’re better company.”

“I’ve been asleep though.”

“True, which says a lot about Owen, don’t you think?” Jack laughed. “Right, I’m going to make breakfast, stay there. And that’s an order!”

A short while later he turned round to find Ianto watching him approvingly from the kitchen doorway. The young man was dressed in faded blue jeans and a plain black T-shirt, reminding Jack of their first meeting in the graveyard. Jack smiled warmly and chuckled, trying to fight the cocktail of emotions rising at the domestication of the situation, the longing, the heartache, the amusement... “I thought I told you to stay where you were?”

Ianto stuck his tongue out and went to make coffee, “We’re not at work, are we? Beside, your coffee’s shit and I figured you’d need a Ianto Jones coffee special after last night. Did you sleep at all?” he shot at the older man who was studying a pair of fried eggs carefully and appeared not to hear the last question, “Jack?”

“No, I didn’t. Don’t worry about it; I don’t tend to sleep much anyway. I survive on coffee.” He smiled, his smile broadening at the disapproving look Ianto shot him.

“You’re impossible!” Ianto shook his head but couldn’t resist smiling in return, something about Jack did that, you couldn’t help smiling when he did. “Here, get that down you.

“Likewise.” Jack said, placing two plates on the table and dishing out the breakfast, then taking a seat opposite Ianto and accepting the coffee off him with a grateful groan, “You are a Godsend Ianto Jones, and I don’t even believe in him!”

He laughed and tucked into his breakfast to discover that Jack hadn’t been lying about his breakfast making abilities, “Bloody Hell, Jack! You can come round more often.” Which earned him a laugh, coupled with an unreadably wistful look in Jack’s eyes that inspired a wave of sympathy in him for the older man. He wondered if he’d once had a home and a family whom he could cook for every day, and if he had, how long had it been since he’d lost them? There was no doubt that these days, Captain Jack Harkness was alone.

They ate in a companionable silence, each lost in his own thoughts and enjoying the experience of not being on his own. Once they’d finished they stayed at the table until Jack checked his watch and groaned, “Right, I don’t think I can put it off anymore. I’m going to go in and check on the Hub, and then I’ll be right back.”

“You don’t have to.” Ianto said hurriedly, no matter how much he wanted and needed Jack there, Torchwood and the world were more important, “I’ll be fine, honestly.”

Still, he was relieved when Jack shook his head and smiled, although it was a sad smile, “Like I said, I’ll be right back.” He said as he left, resting a gentle hand on Ianto’s shoulder on his way past. Ianto found himself looking forwards to the captain’s return, something he never would have expected even the day before.

After letting himself out, Jack leaned against Ianto’s door for a moment to think; he knew that he should put Torchwood before Ianto but… He tried to work it out in his mind, Ianto was Torchwood, Torchwood couldn’t function without Ianto, and Ianto couldn’t function without him at the moment. Probably. He sighed and swore at himself for making excuses, before sliding into the SUV and crossing the town in silence, it was a long drive from Ianto’s house and he wondered again how much sleep the young man must get if he had to travel this distance every day. Recalling that there had been a few occasions when Jack had got the distinct impression that he’d slept at the Hub, the captain made a mental note to offer Ianto a room of his own at the base; it wasn’t like they were short of the space, and it would give him an option after particularly long days.

Gwen was in the TI office dealing with a couple from the North: Lancashire by their accents, it was a while since he’d heard that accent last, so he helped her out by advising a couple of American gap year students who were waiting for her. When they had all left he found her staring at him in slight surprise and he shrugged, “What? I’ve been living here long enough to know my stuff. I’ve even picked up a bit of Welsh.”

“Well done you.” She said by way of a response, slightly sarcastically.

“Diolch.” He grinned at her

“That’s not the extent of your Welsh, is it?” She asked in mock horror, although she expected it probably was, “You can say thank you? Well, better than most I suppose.”

“Actually I have a fairly good grasp of Welsh, I can get by at least. And don’t look so disparaging!” They walked into the Hub together, “Normally I don’t bother to learn languages, I can understand and be understood almost universally. Learning the lingo was quite a leap.”

She laughed, but they were interrupted by a call from Tosh, “Good morning, Jack. How’s Ianto?”

“Morning, Tosh. He’s fine, or will be at any rate.” He grimaced as guilt shot through him again; Gwen really wasn’t helping matters with the dark glances she was shooting his way, “I’m just checking in here, then I’m going straight back there. You’re in charge whilst I’m gone. Play nicely for Aunty Tosh kids.”

Owen scowled as he approached, “When’s tea-boy coming back then?”

Jack almost snapped at him, until he realised the significance of the nickname. It meant that, for Owen at least, things were back to normal, so he just sighed instead. “I don’t know, probably Monday or Tuesday, not before then anyway. Not until I’m sure he’s ready.”

“And you’d be the expert I take it?” Owen shot, standing his ground.

“I got bored once, I have a degree in Psychology from the Open University, not sure if that counts though.” He almost laughed at the gob smacked expressions on the faces of his team, “What, I’m a quick learner?” He’d been collecting stuff as he talked and had now put it all into a bag. As he turned to Tosh he pulled it onto his shoulder, “Like I said, you’re in charge until I get back. No arguments, if you get anything major call me. Send me a briefing tonight, no matter what. I don’t know that I’ll get another chance to check in here before tomorrow or the day after. Can you set something up so that rift spike alerts are sent to my laptop as well?” When she nodded he seemed to make his mind up and turned to go, but paused for a moment, “Ianto’s family, guys. Remember that.” And without another word he left the Hub.

---

Ianto was sitting in the living room, trying to pretend that he wasn’t just waiting for Jack to get back. He’d been gone about an hour and a half now, surely he should be back soon? The young man got up and went to the bookcase, trying to distract himself, and he was grateful when he heard the door open and the loudest, most outrageous man he’d ever met announced his arrival simply by arriving. No chance of pretending he hadn’t noticed his arrival then, “You took your time.” He turned and smiled at the captain, the smile growing when he saw the pizzas Jack was carrying.

“Yeah, well, if you will insist on living so far from anything…” He put the pizzas down on the coffee table, slung a bag carefully into the corner and took his greatcoat off, hanging it on a hook in the hall before rejoining Ianto on the sofas where the young Welshman appeared to be examining them closely without opening the boxes.

“Ham and pineapple and…” He hesitated at the aromas coming from the other pizza, “A bit of everything?”

“Correct, was I also correct in thinking that ham and pineapple is you favourite?”

Ianto looked impressed, “How did you figure that one out? We almost always have a different order these days.”

“Easy,” Jack leaned back with a slice of pizza, looking smug, “All I had to notice was that the two things that our pizza orders always have in common are the fact that we always have a ham and pineapple and you always order.”

“OK Sherlock, you win!” Ianto laughed as he reached for another slice. “I could order all the toppings more often if you’d like?”

“I may take you up on that one.” He smiled slyly, “Do you think that a person’s character can be guessed by their choice of pizza?”

The younger man looked at him, debating the wisdom of his next move, “Not really, sir. Because if it did I would have a cheese and tomato with either Welsh Cheddar or something outrageous. And you would consider all the toppings but eventually settle for just one.” When he saw the look on Jack’s face he was glad that he’d hesitated for long enough for the older man to swallow the pizza he’d just taken a bite of. Whilst Jack may be immortal, Ianto didn’t think that he was up to seeing him die in his living room.

When he’d regained control of his mental capabilities Jack put the slice of pizza down carefully and just stared at the Welshman, who seemed unwilling to meet his eye again. “Bloody hell.” He muttered, more to himself than to Ianto, “When did you get so damned intelligent?”

“I’ve always been that intelligent, sir. You just didn’t notice it underneath the suit.” He tried and failed to lighten the mood, judging by the way Jack’s face darkened almost in pain.

“Please stop calling me sir? At least when we’re out of the Hub? And, I did see it, I just didn’t realise…” Didn’t realise what, that Ianto would read him so well that he’d know him better than Jack knew himself? That Ianto would eventually be everything Jack wanted, but still unattainable? That he’d come to rely on him more than he’d relied on anyone for so, so long, and that it would break his heart? No, he hadn’t realised any of those things.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and realised that Ianto had come over to sit on the same sofa as him because a solitary tear was rolling down Jack’s cheek. He reached to brush it away angrily but found that Ianto had beaten him to it and had brushed it away softly with the pad of his thumb. The young man was gazing at him, searching his face with eyes full of concern, “Didn’t realise?”

“That I wasn’t the only one with a degree in psychology.” Jack replied, trying to rebuild his defences before the young Welshman got to him. Again.

It appeared to be futile though, as Ianto continued to search his face before sighing and pulling him closer, just as he had done for Ianto before. “I think it’s your turn Jack. You heard my worries last night, now let me do it for you.”

He wanted to, he so wanted to, but he couldn’t. Still, he found he couldn’t pull away either, “I can’t, Ianto. I’ve got so much welled up, that if I let go for a moment I’ll never get it back under control until it’s done. One day, one day I want to tell you everything. But not now, I can’t. I just…”

“It’s OK, I understand. Well I don’t, I never could, but I understand if you don’t want to talk about it yet, especially with me.”

“Why especially with you?” Jack looked genuinely confused by that one. He’d also seemed reluctant to pull away, but he did anyway and stared into Ianto’s eyes, trying to find the clue he was missing.

“Because of Lisa?” Ianto prompted, amazed and almost hurt that Jack seemed to have forgotten or passed it over.

“You don’t think I still hold that against you, do you?” he took Ianto’s hand in an attempt to make him understand something that Jack himself didn’t fully understand, “That’s… That’s made me trust you more than ever.”

“Because I betrayed you?” Ianto looked beyond perplexed now.

“Yes.” Jack said finally, settling for the most confusing and yet most accurate answer.

“Right.” The young man smiled slightly, “And where do we go from here?”

“Pizza?”

“That’s what got us here in the first place.” He smiled, “But if we don’t it’ll get cold.”

They ate in silence again, each contemplating their choice of pizza more than they would ever admit, until Jack gave a sudden yelp, nearly dropped the pizza he was holding and bolted over to the bag he’d dumped earlier to drag a laptop out of it. Ianto just stared at his friend as he got it set up, then sat back down on the sofa and continued eating as if nothing had happened, “Better?”

“Yeah, much better. Now we’re getting rift alerts.” Ianto looked put out so he hurried to explain, “I’m not going to do anything about them. I just like to know that I can find out what’s going on if I so wish. The world can be invaded by Graske today for all I care; I’m not going anywhere. But I’d like to know that it’s happening.”

“Whoa, I the world gets invaded we’re both going. Even if you weren’t here with me I’d dash straight back to the Hub if anything nasty fell out of the sky. Actually,” he paused, “I’d be more likely to. At least the Hub is vaguely defendable.”

“Fair point,” Jack admitted, “Ah, we’re living la vida loca.”

“Cracking song, and far far far too appropriate. The best version is, of course, the Shrek 2 one with Antonio Banderas and Eddie Murphy.” Ianto laughed, and then caught sight of the look on Jack’s face; melancholy and dark once again. “OK, what did I say this time?”

“Sorry, just remembered going to see the premiere, twice actually. That’s a story I’ll tell you one day. My ex-girlfriend loved that film, almost as much as she loved Pirates of the Carribbean.”

He was intrigued, Jack rarely spoke of his exes with that amount of sadness, “She must have been something special.”

“Yeah,” the captain sighed, feeling so very old, “yeah, she was special. So young too.”

A lump built in Ianto’s throat, as he knew without having to ask where she was now. “How old?”

“Seventeen.”

“Shit, Jack.” He pulled the older man close again to offer him the comfort he so desperately needed. Who knew how long it had been since he’d lost her, but it was so clear that he’d never really got over it. It could have been well over one hundred years ago, but the pain was still as fresh, yet Jack wasn’t crying. He’d shed all his tears for her many times over the years; he didn’t think he had any left to shed.

“Can we… can we change the subject? I don’t think I’m up to this yet.”

“Course we can. Why don’t we watch a film?”

“Sounds good to me.” Jack smiled at him, his eyes bright with unshed tears but still full of life and energy. Ianto would never understand how he kept going, but there had to be a way, otherwise how could he keep going?

“What do you fancy then? I’ve got the Lord of the Rings films, Zorro, well you can see.” He gestured to his DVD shelf, grimacing at the fact that it was organised alphabetically, a sure sign of someone with too much time on his hands.

Jack, however, just shrugged, “You pick, I don’t see many films. Don’t have the time.”

“What do you do to relax Jack?” He asked, glancing along the row to find a film he thought Jack would like, selecting one with a smirk.

“Not a lot, really. I don’t like to relax, I think too much. Besides, there’s not all that much to do in the way of things to relax at the Hub.”

“What about at home, what do you do there?” the way Jack refused to meet his eyes, the first time it had ever happened as long as they’d known each other was indication enough, “You do have a home, right?”

Jack smiled at the worried tone in Ianto’s voice, why did kids ever complain when their parents worried about them? “Did have, lived with my girlfriend. But when I left her I didn’t really have anywhere else to go so I moved into the Hub as a temporary measure. Eight years later, I’m still there.”

“You’ve not had a relationship in eight years? A steady one I mean…”

“I’ve slept on my own every night this millennium, Yan.” He looked sad and lost, a look which did not suit the indomitable Captain Jack Harkness one little bit, “Until last night.”

“Which was clearly the most cheerful event it possibly could have been. Why won’t you let me help, Jack?” He didn’t know whether the frustration or the wave of sympathy hurt more.

“Because you don’t know what you’re offering to help with.” Jack smiled sadly again and changed the subject rapidly, “You picked a film them?”

“What, oh, yeah.” Ianto looked at the box in his hand and the sly grin reappeared, “You will love it.”

“Go on?”

“Bring it On.” He grinned wider at Jack’s blank look, “It’s the perfect film for you, it’s a movie about a high school cheerleading squad who find out that all their routines are stolen, so they have to create new ones really quickly.”

“And you think this is perfect for me why, Ianto?” Jack looked like he was about to laugh, or cry, or of the two.

“Attractive young men and women in tight shirts and short skirts doing gymnastics.”

“You had me at attractive.” The captain laughed and flopped down on the sofa again.

A considerable while later (Jack had insisted on watching the sequel as well) they were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa with a measure of Scotch each and a relaxed attitude to life. Ianto watched his boss in this very domestic situation and realised just how different he was. Here, Jack felt he could let down his defences. He didn’t have to be invulnerable or strong or defensive. He could enjoy the girliest film ever with pizza and cola, he could cry and he could laugh, and Ianto would be the only one who knew. He knew it was a huge privilege to see this side of Jack, the side that maybe hadn’t been out in those eight years, but he knew how important it must be to Jack too, there had to be a way he could help him find this more often. “Jack?”

“Hmmm?” The captain raised his head from the back of the sofa and looked at his friend questioningly, Ianto seemed to have something on his mind.

“I don’t like the thought of you there at the Hub on your own at nights. For a start you never have the chance to be anyone except who you are at work and don’t try to contradict me on that one because I’ve spent more nights there than you think I have.”

“Yeah.” His head flopped back so that Ianto couldn’t study the emotions crossing his face, not before Jack had a chance to analyse them anyway. “Not much choice really though. I could get a place, I suppose, but I’ve never really been able to deal with going home to an empty house. At least at the hub I’ve got Myfanwy now.”

“There is a possibility open.” Ianto ventured hesitantly. “I mean, I have this massive three bedroomed house, and there’s me in it. There’s plenty of room if you wanted to move in here?”

“Are you serious?” The captain was staring at him with an unreadable expression

“Yeah, I mean, I’ll have to get another bed, cos you may have noticed that I’ve only got the one.”

“Aw shucks.” Jack was grinning excitedly now.

“Harassment!”

“Totally off the clock.”

“And we so have to watch that movie, Dodgeball by the way. But if you wanted to?” He left the question hanging

“Do you want me to?” Jack asked, uncertainty clear in his voice.

“Yes, do you want to?”

“Yes. Thank you, I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more.” Apart from share your bed, he thought to himself. Please don’t let Ianto be a telepath… Apparently not.

“Cool. Erm, well, Dodgeball?”

“I should probably get back to the hub, it’s getting late. And, as yet, you still only have one bed.” He smiled gently as he stood up but sat back down again closer to Ianto when he saw the look on the young man’s face, “What’s up?”

“You know, I wouldn’t mind sharing with you tonight,” he attempted a smile, “actually, I don’t…” Start again, “I’m not sure I could sleep tonight, if you weren’t…” Shit, “Sorry, Jack. I’m just… Don’t worry about me, I’ll call you in the morning.”

Jack just shook his head, “It’s a good job I brought a change of clothes and something to wear during the night, isn’t it?”

“You knew all along di… what do you normally wear to sleep?” He asked, curiosity winning overself preservation, but apparently even Jack Harkness knew his boundaries and when was and wasn’t a good time.

“Normally I don’t sleep. I just lie on the bed fully clothed and stare at the ceiling as if trying to make it go away. And no, I didn’t know this would happen, but I like to be prepared for anything.”

Ianto relaxed slightly, “You got the dinosaur nets with you then?”

“Damn.” The captain laughed, “I knew I’d forgotten something.”

Author’s note:

Wahey, my longest chapter yet! Falls off chair and dies

OK, so I meant to get this finished before I went to Guernsey, I ended up writing lots of it in the car on the way there and back and lots more in a tent. I thn intended to get it finished before I went to Sidmouth, but that keeps creeping nearer until I’m staying at my friend’s tomorrow before we go down on Friday, so I shall attempt to have it finished before I leave but can’t make any promises.

Also, you may have noticed the mention of Jack’s exes. One of them crops up in my first Torchwood fanfic, Wind Beneath My Wings, the other will feature more heavily in the next one which will have fluff galore. I can’t wait. See you all shortly I hope :)

Saturday

Ianto blinked sleepily and focused on the face in front of him. In the half-light of the bedroom Jack looked tired and so very human. He was frowning slightly, and his lips formed a delicious pout, as though he was thinking deeply about something. Ianto was startled by how attractive he found Jack, even though he knew the captain was a good looking man, he’d never been attracted to a man before; and the time to start being attracted to men was not when the man in question was in bed with you.

He took a moment to study Jack’s face; the laughter lines that crinkled when he flashed that trademark grin, the soft, full lips, that jaw line that looked like it was crafted rather then a result of biology, those blue eyes unfocused from sleep but gazing at him in amusement, “Like what you see?” The captain drawled dozily.

“Name me one person who doesn’t.” he grinned as he flopped onto his back, trust Captain Jack Harkness.

“Fair point, my turn…” Jack now propped himself up and studied Ianto’s face as the younger man watched him warily, probably best not to push it, “You need a shave.”

“So do you.”

He ran a hand along his jaw, “So I do, back shortly.” Glancing back as he left the room he was disappointed not to see Ianto watching him; in fact it looked as if the younger man had fallen asleep again. He chuckled as he went into the bathroom and emerged a short while later feeling much fresher, but even more tempted to simply fall asleep next to Ianto again, it had been a long couple of days.

He noted that it was going on for noon and discovered that he didn’t care, so he collapsed forwards onto the bed and was rewarded by a chuckle from his young friend, “Sorry, Yan. Did I wake you?” He apologised groggily.

“Not to worry, not after the number of times I woke you last night anyway.” Ianto propped himself up slightly and watched as the captain got himself more comfortable, “How many times did I wake up during the night?”

“Mmmm, three?” Jack’s voice was muffled by the pillows he’d buried his face in as he turned back to face Ianto only when he’d finished speaking, just in time to catch the grimace of guilt crossing his face, “Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault. I’m here to help.”

“I can only remember two times.” Came the rueful reply.

“Possibly, I don’t remember, it’s far too early.”

“Jack, it’s nearly noon.”

“See, far too early, go back t’sleep.” He groaned and was relieved when Ianto lay back down and appeared to do as he was told.

A short while later, however, he heard Ianto curse softly, “I was going to get the Lord of the Rings out today. Too late now.”

“Too tired, Rings requires concentration.” His voice was slurred, Ianto hadn’t realised he was still awake even.

“Maybe if we sleep through the day we can pull an all-nighter and watch it tonight?” he asked through a yawn.

“Mebbe, I’d never really considered an all-nighter for something fun before.” Ianto looked at him with a raised eyebrow and was astonished to see a blush colour Jack’s cheeks, “Stop it, Yan. I’m far too tired to play that game.”

“Damn.”

“What?”

“I just lost the game?”

“What game?”

“The Game.”

“You’re making no sense…” and this time Ianto was sure he really was asleep. The Welshman found that he was looking forwards to sharing the house with Jack. He was good fun, especially to wind up when he was tired like this. Ianto felt suddenly guilty, it was his fault that Jack was this tired, he really shouldn’t be enjoying it. Still… he was funny when he was groggy like that.

He smirked at the ceiling as he struggled to piece together his feelings over the last couple of days. He felt strangely detached from his emotions, like he’d felt other people’s during his psychic training, tangible and separate, but it was hard to tell where one finished and the next one started.

It always helped to think of it in terms of coloured wool with different strands twining together. The main strand, a constant binding the whole together, changed colour like a jackdaw’s wing; one moment it was jet black, glinting darkly; then it was blood red and burning, next moment icy blue and freezing, and then a deep, throbbing purple shot with acid green. It was pain, sometimes deep and bruising, sometimes cutting sharply across the surface, but always there twisting and twining through the heart of his being, indelible.

In with the pain was twisted a strand of guilt which seemed a dull grey until the light caught it and it lanced a brilliant, blinding white through his mind, splintering the surrounding emotions and somehow knotting the pain even tighter. It was wrapped most tightly around a thin golden strand of happiness at having emerged from the affair with a greater friendship with two of his team-mates. No matter how hard the guilt tried to smother it, that strand survived and would grow stronger and brighter with time.

Another pair were twisted together, growing stronger and weaker in their turns, one beautiful and one bitter, love and anger, his love for Lisa and his anger at her fate, still competing for dominance over his life.

Then there were the other emotions twining through the whole: silvery blue fear and dusky pink hope surfacing where he least expected them, coppery confusion tying his thoughts in knots, and a pinkish, bluish, silvery strand which glinted metallically like a fish’s scales. Actually, a fish was a very good simile, because it was like one of the small fish that dart among reeds, gone as soon as he saw it and like it had never been there whenever he tried to get a closer look.

Feeling a headache forming, Ianto put down his metaphorical knitting needles and chanced another look at the captain’s sleeping form. Jack had curled onto his side facing away from Ianto and the young man could see the tension, even in sleep. His heart bled for the worries and troubles Jack carried, had carried and accumulated over the last hundred plus years. How could one person deal with the whole of Torchwood and seeing everything he loved wither and fade whilst he stayed constant and remain as strong and as caring as Jack was? Whoever the Doctor was, however much Ianto wanted to hate him for what he’d done to Jack, he couldn’t have done it to a better man. Maybe only this one man in the whole of time and space could have coped with the challenges he had faced. Or maybe that’s how people became after travelling with the magical Doctor.

He folded his arms behind his head and let his mind wander into the vastness of space. Since joining Torchwood and having the wonders and the dangers revealed to him he’d wanted to travel and see it. Of course, when he’d been with Torchwood One he’d seen the Doctor just as a threat, someone who they needed protecting from, someone to be feared. But then the Battle of Canary Wharf had happened, the Doctor had saved the day and was the reason that he was still alive and Ianto had returned to Torchwood in Cardiff, where things were a bit different. Yvonne, a good woman in her way who he’d trusted completely, had detested them, so so had Ianto; when he’d needed them for Lisa he’d had no qualms about using them. Now though… Jack had opened his eyes to yet another world, one where heroes and enemies fought over the Earth without anyone ever knowing about it, where love and monsters rubbed shoulders and wonders never ceased. His whole universe had been turned upside down, and he so badly wanted to see what Jack had seen, to travel in the strange blue box and visit an alien planet, see the Earth as they saw other planets.

As the Captain stirred slightly, Ianto wondered if the Doctor would ever turn up again, and if Jack would go. He’d been in Cardiff a long time now, but it was just a stopping off point, a temporary measure, just like the bunker beneath his office. That was Jack all over, supposed to be temporary but ended up lasting forever.

Guessing that Jack would wake soon, he went to the kitchen to make a full English breakfast for the pair of them and then brought it back to the kitchen to find his friend half conscious and blinking blearily, but he was rewarded by an astonishing smile when Jack saw the breakfast, “Ianto you are a star!”

“Least I could do.” He smiled and handed Jack a plate and a mug of coffee once he’d sat up and then settled at the other end of the bed to eat his own, “Could we get any more debauched?”

The captain appeared to consider this for a moment, “Yeah, I could quite easily. Want to give it a go?” They laughed and settled into a mindless argument about whether cricket or rugby was the better game (doing wonders for stereotyping there) as they ate and then tried to decide what to do. The rift was quiet so Jack didn’t have to be elsewhere and they didn’t really want to watch films again. “So talk to me?” Ianto suggested.

Jack looked slightly taken aback, “What about?”

He recalled his previous train of thoughts, “Tell me about the Doctor. I spent more than two years hunting him, now I’m led to understand that he’s the hero of the piece. Who is he?”

“I wish I knew.” Jack looked slightly wary but eventually seemed to decide that he could tell the young man, “The Doctor really is a hero, my hero, my Doctor. Like I said yesterday, we travelled together for about two years, there was him and me and two girls called Rose and Jasmine. We travelled in time, to the extent that Jasmine was born two years before Rose but was actually younger than her.”

“How on Earth?”

“Not on Earth, that’s the key. Time got a bit… relative. Rose met the Doctor in 2005 when she was nineteen, I met them in 1942 over three thousand years before I was born, don’t ask me how old I was because I honestly haven’t a clue, but we picked Jazz up in 1999 when she was fifteen. And then we went back and forwards and generally got very confused and had a whale of a time together, visiting these amazing planets and saving the day, running for our lives most of the time but loving every minute. I wish you could meet him Ianto, I hope you will one day. But I don’t know. I was told I’d have to wait over one hundred years to see him again, but I’ve waited longer than that and I’m worried that I’ve missed him. He was at Canary Wharf, maybe that was my chance.”

“You said one of the girls was called Rose, is she Rose Tyler?”

“Yeah, died at Canary Wharf with her Mum. I think that’s when I really stopped blaming him for leaving me; he loses everyone eventually. Better to not check to find out if I was alive or dead than to check and find that he’d lost one more.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’d been sucked from our spaceship, the TARDIS, by a transmat and we’d been put in game shows on a space station in the future. They were lethal, you could get shot or dismembered, and it wasn’t a nice place. And then we found out that it was being run by the Daleks, and they attacked the station and the Earth. I organised the defences whilst the Doctor tried to destroy them, Rose stayed with the Doctor and Jasmine stayed with the other civilians, I begged her not to come with me, because I thought she’d be safe there.”

“What happened?”

The pain in Jack’s eyes was evident and heartbreaking as he met Ianto’s eyes again, “I heard her die, all of them, I heard them all die, but she was the first to die. She stood and faced them. And not long after I went the same way. Lived a coward, but at least I died a hero. First time anyway.” He laughed bitterly, “Next thing I know I’m gasping back to life again and there’s this dust everywhere, then I hear the TARDIS engines going and by the time I got there they’d gone, however many of them survived. And I couldn’t bring myself to go and find her, because I knew she was dead, but as long as I didn’t see her I could believe that she’d survived. That hope’s long faded now though. But I suppose that, give it a couple of million years or however long it was, I’ll be able to go back and find her this time. Do it right.”

“Is that why you didn’t do what you should have done with me? Because of her?”

“If you mean is that why I broke the rules, then yes. Because it might have been a very long time ago, but I can’t forget that I would have done the same for her. But I don’t equate the right thing to do with what the rules tell me to do, not always anyway.”

“I’d noticed.” Ianto shifted uncomfortably and tried to think of a way to cheer the conversation up, but Jack did it for him.

“We had some great times though, before we were separated. We went to this planet once, I forget what it was called because it was a really boring name, but their dreams were their enemies, because there were these microscopic organisms which fed on mind waves and magnified them like… You’ve read the Hitchhiker’s Guide?” Ianto nodded, “Yeah well, I had a copy of the real thing in the TARDIS, useful book, it’s like the babel fish, it fed back their dreams until they were magnified and horrible. People went mad on dreams, and I thought that it was an oppressive regime stifling creativity. Honestly, it was hell, no colour, no imagination, just completely bland, so I tried to brighten things up a bit. Oh I managed. I definitely managed, I went through the whole city telling stories, the one about the Armoured Sharks was particularly popular, then got myself arrested and taken to a mental hospital. Honestly, I nearly got lobotomised because I was a threat. Then engaged in a shootout with police, and this is all in a day’s work for us you understand.” He was grinning broadly and Ianto couldn’t help joining in, “I’m up the proverbial creek without a paddle, chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick, call it what you will, nearly with a chunk of my brain removed when an alarm goes and I manage to escape with sheer brute strength, and He just swans in and takes over the show. I’m like, well couldn’t you have done that earlier? But it’s no fun if it’s not the last minute.”

“So what happened, did they sort it, leave?”

“Sorted it, developed a serum to protect against the organisms. They can all dream freely now, and, I hope, pass around the legend of Captain Jack Harkness.”

“Modest as always?”

“Yeah well, I’ve had an interesting life, it’s no fun if you can’t share the stories with someone.”

“Go on then.” Ianto leaned forwards with a grin, “Tell me your stories. Tell me the one about the armoured sharks.”

---

Author's note: Don't own it, much though I'd like to

Sorry it's taken so long to update, I've been away again. But we are now nearing the end and it should get easier from here. Apart from the fact that I'm going away again in just over a week. I will get it done, I promise, before I go to Towersey hopefully. There are references in here again to Jasmine, who's going to be great fun to write, but that won't come for a while, maybe. Slightly AU by this point, but I can't get rid of her and I can't write that story in the future without mentioning her here really. Cos that would just feel silly.

Sunday

Jack’s computer started making alarming noises at about five in the morning. With a variety of annoyed and worried noises he ran to shut it up and find out what the problem was before it woke Ianto up, but with no luck. He was packing his bag and heading for the door when the young Welshman padded downstairs looking concerned.

“Rift alert.” He explained, “Nothing to worry about, but I need to go check it out.”

“Want me to come with you?” Ianto offered

Jack hesitated and seemed torn, “Honestly yes, but I’ll be fine, and we don’t really have time for you to get dressed.” He added with a smile.

Ianto looked own as he realised that he was still wearing the scruffy T-shirt and joggers he’d slept in and blushed slightly, which brought a grin to Jack’s face again.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” The captain laughed as he pulled his coat on.

“That leaves me with plenty of leeway. Take care of yourself, don’t die or anything like that.”

“Back soon.” Jack called as he pulled the door to behind him.

Quarter of an hour later he pulled the SUV up at the end of a dark alley and got out to meet Tosh, Owen and Gwen. Gwen was liasing with the police officer who’d found whatever it was, Tosh was consulting her PDA and Owen was nursing a cup of takeout coffee, “What have we got here kids?”

“I’m picking up readings of alien tech in the area, but we haven’t found it yet. At the moment we have an alien who appears to have come through the rift, dead by the time PC Williams found him.”

“Cause of death?”

Owen jumped in, “Stab wound to the neck I think, although I’ll have a closer look once we get back to the Hub. Then I’ll also be able to tell if there’s any indication that its death was extra-terrestrial in origin or just it attacked the wrong person.”

Jack nodded his understanding and went to look at the body. It was a hunched, humanoid form, with soft, dark skin, large eyes, a thin layer of soft hair and heavy battle armour. He swore.

“What is it, Jack?” Gwen asked as she approached.

“We’re almost lucky. She’s a Watulah, a race of extremely violent warriors. They live in peace with anything on their planet but anything else is fair game. And normally they carry a lot of weapons; knives, bombs, small bombs. She hasn’t got any.”

“What does that mean?” Tosh asked nervously.

He bent down to examine an empty gun holster and a nick in her let above her boot, “Someone’s taken her weapons, all of them.” He sounded angry, “The knife they keep in their boot, it’s the one they carry from birth, it’s so special to them that they’re buried with it when they die and the marriage ceremony uses it.”

“Was she married?”

“I don’t know without seeing the knife.” He responded sadly, “But our main problem is that someone has her weapons, all of them.”

Gwen sucked in breath rapidly, “I’ll get the police to keep an eye out for any strange weaponry being used, although I suspect they’d probably pass it on to us anyway.”

“Good thinking, “ he approved, “I’ve got a few contacts I can tap to find out if it appears on the black markets, maybe even find out where they’ve got to. Right, let’s get her back to the Hub. Owen can do his thing, Tosh I want you to carry on with your scan, see if you can find the weapons. Gwen, go home to Rhys.”

“What about you?”

“I’m coming back with you, I need to do the report and I want to check on the situation back there and stuff.”

“Haven’t you been there?” Gwen asked before she could stop herself

“No, I’ve been at Ianto’s.” He smiled

“Wait wait wait!” Owen smirked, “Are you doing the tea-boy, Jack?”

Jack fought the annoyance, “No, I can actually spend time with someone without screwing them Owen. Ianto could do with some support at the moment, and I’m more than happy to give it.”

“Fair enough.” Owen conceded, although he didn’t look entirely convinced.

Once back at the Hub Jack disappeared into his office to clear out his inbox, which had piled up fairly horrifically, and organised the forms and responses he needed to send off to UNIT. They were getting a bit overbearing these days, evidently they’d heard the Torchwood One rumours too. He sighed and set the list to the side to sort out once Ianto got back, then called UNIT for the weekly argument before bracing himself for a phone call to the Prime Minister. It was so much better when it was Harriet Jones, she understood about Torchwood. This new boy was clueless.

Several very frustrating hours later he glared at the phone as he slammed it down and snatched it up again to call for a pizza delivery, only to be told that the Cockney had already ordered for them. After checking that he had ordered a meat feast and adding a side of onion rings he put the phone back more gently with a smile on his lips; sometimes it was good to have someone outside who knew about them.

He pushed himself into the main Hub and up to the TI office to wait for the delivery, then ran down to the conference room, calling for his team as he went. They ate the pizza as they discussed the day’s events, the rugby from the day before, anything but Ianto and Lisa. Jack checked his watch and realised with shock that almost seven hours had passed since he left the young man, he hadn’t intended to be gone more than two. Snatching the last onion ring before Owen could reach it he stood up and headed towards the door, “You all have the rest of the day off as long as you’re finished from this morning. I am doing. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He winked at them, repeating his instruction to Ianto on his way out.

Owen stared at the girls, “Did I just imagine that?”

“Don’t argue Owen!” Gwen laughed as she dragged Tosh towards the door behind Jack, “Just enjoy the time off.”

Jack opened the door to Ianto’s flat and reflected momentarily that he’d just walked straight in. The thought was driven from his mind by a sound coming from the living room again. Within seconds he was by Ianto’s side, holding the young man who was crying as though he’d never stop. The captain held him, whispered soothingly and cursed himself for ever leaving. They’d come so far, but apparently Ianto needed him more than he’d known. Fucking fantastic.

Actually… for the first time in many, many years it almost felt good to have someone who needed him. Normally it terrified him, because he came and went and couldn’t trust himself; but Ianto was… different. Ianto knew about him, he knew about Torchwood, he knew about the Doctor and he understood. So for now, for as long as Ianto needed, he could and would trust himself to be there.

After a while, Ianto regained control of his breathing and tensed in Jack’s arms as he realised where he was, but it didn’t last long as he allowed the familiarity and safety to envelope him once again. He sniffed and wiped the tears from his cheeks whilst Jack pulled back slightly and watched him concernedly. “Sorry, Jack. I just…”

Jack squeezed him gently to silence him and stood up, offering his hand to help the young Welshman to his feet, “You have nothing to apologise for, Yan. I’m the one who should apologise, I never should have left you in the first place, and I definitely shouldn’t have been gone as long as I was.”

“That’s not your fault, saving the world ranks way above looking after me.”

“Not for me.” Jack replied honestly, cursing mentally as he realised that he’d said it out loud. He hurriedly tried to cover it, terrified that Ianto would see through him like he usually did and realise how pathetic he was, “So, you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Ianto sank on the sofa and started playing with a cushion, so Jack perched himself on the arm of the sofa opposite, watching his friend carefully. “I had a panic attack.” Ianto admitted bluntly, “I don’t know what brought it on or set it off or whatever, I just… I don’t know, I was scared that, that something had happened, something major and it was the end of the world of something, and that I wouldn’t see you again. I was scared something had happened to you.” He couldn’t meet Jack’s eyes now, not after that admission, because he didn’t really know how he felt about Jack, but there was no way Jack could feel the same. He’d been nice enough, that was true, but Ianto was just a fairly stupid Welshman, and Jack was an immortal time traveller from the future. They could never be even close friends. It scared Ianto just how much that idea hurt.

When he finally looked up at the Captain he was surprised by the look on Jack’s face. His friend was staring at a point on the floor with a bleak look and appeared to be fighting tears. “Jack.” Jack looked up, startled, “Jack what’s the matter? What did I say?”

“Sorry, Yan.” Jack swallowed the lump in his throat, “I just… I guess it’s been a while since I felt like anyone actually worried about me, I guess.”

“We all worry about you, Jack. We’re a team, we’re there to worry about each other.”

“The others don’t. They worry about what would happen without me, yeah. But I don’t think they actually worry about me, because they don’t know me. I never let anyone get close enough because as soon as I do they’re gone, and they take a part of me with them.”

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

He shook his head, “No, thank you. It means a lot to me that…” He trailed off; worried about the route this was going down and shook his head again, “I need a drink, you?”

“Yeah, thanks. Fancy a trip to the pub, I haven’t left the house in days.” He suggested, they both needed a bit of space and, quite frankly, he was getting cabin fever.

They walked in silence to a pub just around the corner where, Ianto assured Jack, they did a range of real ales; you just couldn’t beat proper beer, it was the best thing about this tiny blue planet. Settled in a corner with a pint each and some classic rock coming from the jukebox (Ianto was quite happy for the others to know that he liked Led Zep, it meant that they never even considered the idea that he might end up with Jack, which had been assumed of everyone who’d worked at Torchwood since he’d been there. Even Owen.), they relaxed and tried to forget the usual worries of Torchwood and a half converted cyber girlfriend. Jack let his head fall backwards and then reflected on how difficult that made drinking, so he raised it again, “So… Since we’re generally miserable, how about we tell cheerful stories for once, preferably ones that don’t get all maudlin at the end.” He paused, “Not sure I’ve got many of those actually.”

“OK, stop right there Harkness. You’re already going maudlin!” Ianto laughed, “OK, I think I have some cheerful stories that aren’t remotely maudlin. Scouts, that’s a good one.”

“You were in the scouts?”

“You mean you hadn’t guessed?” He teased, “Yeah, I was a boy scout, and a leader for a while once I got too old for it, but then my life got swallowed by Torchwood.”

“Maudlin! Stick to the story.”

“Fiiiine.” He sighed, “Scout camp was always brilliant, always. I remember this one time we went to Pembrokeshire and it was beautiful! We walked the coast path, all of it, God we were knackered by the end of each day, but when we walked along the beaches we’d take our boots off and just walk along the edge of the water. At night we camped wherever we’d got to and did the proper camping thing. We cooked on gas stoves, because it’s hard cooking camp stew on a fire, but we had a barbeque one night and once we’d eaten we’d have a proper camp fire with marshmallows and stories and scouting songs.”

“Like what?” Jack asked, genuinely intrigued and thrilled to see the happiness in Ianto’s eyes at the recollections.

“Ooooh, Black Crow Spirit in the Happy Hunting Ground?” Jack shook his head, “Swing Low. Jerusalem was always popular too, you must know those?”

“’Course I know Jerusalem and Swing Low, who doesn’t? But you’ll have to tech me the other.”

“Yeah, well. Team camping trip and lots of alcohol and maybe I will.”

“Now there’s an idea.” Jack smirked, his usual glint back in his eye, “Tents are great fun.”

“Now something tells me there’s a story there.” Ianto leaned forwards in delight.

“Not really,” he grinned, “We rarely got as far as the tent.”

“You and who?”

“Oh loads.” He shrugged, “Not recently mind, one lad during the 1960s, a girl in the 1980s. Pete and Karen they were called, still are actually. Both married, Pete just the other year when the civil partnerships rule came in, but he’s with the guy he left me for back in the 80s.”

“Maudlin Jack!”, although he felt sorry for the older man who had loved and lost so many over the years. “This is supposed to be cheerful”

“Cheerful you say. OK, I can probably manage cheerful.”

“Can you do it without sex being involved?”

“Yes.” Jack feigned indignation, “Although the woman I was sleeping with is involved. Actually, no…” He trailed off and stared at his drink again, “That gets too maudlin.”

“She must have been special.” He said quietly and sympathetically. “Was that Jasmine?”

“Yeah, she was incredible. It was so wrong, she must have been twenty years younger than me at least, but it just felt so right. I was lost from the first moment I saw her.”

“What happened?”

“She was attacked, by a Hoix in the centre of London. We were just there on a flying visit, Rose wanted a new pair of jeans or something, and we saw it down a back alley and chased it. She was living on the streets, almost leading the other kids. She compared herself to Gavroche in Les Miz, the leader of the gamines. But she was on her own when she was attacked; Rose and the Doctor got the Hoix and I got her, caught her as she fell. And she begged me not to save her.”

“So you did.”

“Of course, I never really had a choice, did I? Even if I had I would have anyway. She was so young, I had to give her something to hang on to. We took her into the TARDIS and she recovered, and she found something to hang on to.”

“You.” Ianto smiled at the look in Jack’s eyes, although it troubled him.

“Yeah, we made a right pair, I wrecked the joint, and she put it back together again. I lost count of the number of times I almost destroyed the world.”

“Seriously?” Ianto asked in horror.

“Well, it was only twice, and once was responding to an SOS call, so I don’t consider that entirely my fault.”

“You what?”

“Well it wasn’t, how was I to know that responding to the signal would have that effect?” Jack sounded defensive

“No, I mean, how did responding to the call cause the end of the world?”

“Oh, well it was on the Novrosk Peninsular in Russia, hasn’t happened yet I don’t think. And it was a distress call from an alien spaceship with a sort of biological computer that used these blue blobby things to absorb energy from living creatures to charge up the engines and they went on a sort of rampage.” He pulled a wry face, “Insane computers, I’ve had more than enough of them to last me a lifetime. Even my lifetime!” He chuckled, “God, sometimes I wish it could end. I don’t usually want it to end there and then but, you know? The option would be nice.”

“When did you last want to die, really want to die?”

“When the cyberwoman had hold of me.” He said quietly, “I just… I’d never been killed by a cyberman before, I hoped that maybe it would do the job.”

“Why?” Ianto dreaded the answer

“Because it hurt, not being killed, that always hurts, but the idea that you kept something like that from me, from all of us.” His eyes were bleak and empty, “I thought we were friends and, and, I kind of fancy you.” He muttered into his drink, “And it was sort of confirmation that you’d never want to go out with me, which always stings.”

Ianto sat in silence, the guilt tearing him apart inside as he realised what he’d put Jack through and tried to digest what he’d just been told. One fact floated through the confusion though, “You fancy me?”

Jack looked surprised, “Hadn’t you guessed?”

“Well, no. I mean, you flirt with anyone, how was I supposed to know?”

“Fair point.” Jack sighed but for the first time in as long as he could remember Ianto couldn’t read his face, “I need another drink, want a refill?”

“Thanks.” Ianto passed him his glass, “I am flattered though.” He added as an afterthought as Jack turned away, “I wouldn’t have thought I was your type.”

“Well, now you know. And…” He hesitated and blushed again, the second time in the history of the world Ianto thought, he must be on a roll, “Can we get more cheerful and forget this every happened when I come back? I don’t think I’m up to deep and meaningful.”

“Sure.” He smiled.

Later that night he lay in his bed and Jack lay in his own (it had arrived during the day and he’d forgotten to mention it until they got home) and he missed having the captain there. Jack had become a reassuring weight on the mattress, not close even though they were sharing a bed but just there. Always there when the nightmares took hold, always ready to listen. For a moment, Ianto wondered what it would be like to be in a proper relationship with the mysterious Captain Jack Harkness; he was loving and compassionate, he would give everything for the people he cared about and all he asked in return was something to hold onto and someone to listen and to know, to know the real Jack Harkness, the man behind the Captain. Ianto didn’t know if he was up to the job. Besides, he was straight; he’d never fancied another man in his life, so why the hell was he attracted to Jack?

He groaned and rolled over to stare at the place where Jack had slept the last three nights and made a decision. He didn’t want to be the one to keep Jack there, because the time was coming. Some day soon, the Doctor would come, and if Jack had anything to stay for he would. Ianto had to keep his distance to make sure that Jack would go when he needed to, and he would be the one to pick up the pieces when he left and it would be easier if he didn’t give Jack a piece of his heart to take with him. Now to stick to the resolution.

Disclaimer: Not mine, nohing to do with me, honest, I just put it down on the computer

Author's note: I hate it when that happens. I write a happy bit and Jack gets all moody and tries to declare love to Ianto, I tried to write an angsty bit and it turns fluffy, they really want to get together don't they? And yes, yet more AU with Jazzy there, all will be revealed before too long, I promise. Two chapters to go, let's see if they'll start behaving themselves now shall we?

Monday

Ianto woke earlier than he had the last couple of days and was confused by a sound he heard until he realised it was the shower going. Smiling at the reassurance afforded by having someone around in the house, he flopped back before levering himself out of bed to pad down to the kitchen and get breakfast and coffee started. He hummed as he worked and turned to smile at Jack as he arrived in the kitchen doorway, “Morning, Jack. Breakfast?”

“Definitely if you’re making it.” Jack hesitated, wondering if he should say something about his revelation of the night before, which had kept him awake all night, but as Ianto seemed to have forgotten or ignored it he felt it was best if he did the same. As he got plates and cutlery from their homes he joined in with the tune Ianto was humming and soon they were doing a two part harmony rendition of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” Life really didn’t get any better or more surreal. As they ate, Jack paused to reflect a moment, “You haven’t asked me why I’m still here at this time? Is that significant?”

“I guess, maybe, I don’t know. Why, are you off?” He tried to sound casual, but after yesterday the idea scared him.

“Not today, Tosh is in charge and they can hold the fort. But once they’ve gone, I’d like to go down there with you, if you want.”

“Why?”

The young man looked understandably nervous, so Jack was sure he’d made the right decision, “I thought you might like to go back there without them, first. Rather than have to do it for the first time with them all there.”

“In case I break down the minute I step in there?”

“I don’t expect for a minute that you will, but no one would blame you if you did. That is, assuming you want to come back?”

The captain suddenly looked nervous and uncertain, Ianto hadn’t really considered it and he told him so. Jack looked relieved, “So will you come tonight? Or do you want to wait until tomorrow?”

“Tonight. Thanks, Jack.” He added genuinely, “I was dreading going back there after… After what I did. Still am if I’m honest. Are you sure you want me back?”

Now it was Ianto’s turn to look uncertain as he sought reassurance, “I’m sure, Yan. What happened was all of our faults, yours for not trusting us and ours for not seeing, but we’ll get through it together, because that’s what we do, we’re a team and we help each other. And I’ll be there for you tonight if you need me.”

“Thank you.” Jack just smiled in response, and Ianto finally felt that it would come right eventually.

After another lazy day, this time of Computer Games (Jack had never even heard of the Sims!) and Jack’s fabulous cooking, Jack got a text from Tosh to tell him that she, Owen and Gwen were packing up for the night and going to the pub. When he’d read the message through he passed it to Ianto and studied the young man carefully. He was still pale and too thin but his eyes were brighter than they had been and the outward signs had vanished. Inwardly, however, the damage would take a lot longer to heal. His hand shook as the meaning of the message sank in, and his eyes, when they finally met Jack’s, were scared and searching. “We don’t have to do this now, if you’re not ready.” Jack offered softly.

“No, I need to do this. Because if I run from it, it won’t go away, and you can’t be here for me forever.”

Jack nodded and went to fetch their coats, helping the younger man to put his on. Younger, hah, that went without saying, didn’t it? His heart bled again at how much Ianto had had to suffer in such a short space of time and he respected him all the more for coping as well as he had. Jack couldn’t have coped as well.

There was a chill in the air as they stepped outside, so Ianto pulled his coat tighter around himself as he looked around for the SUV. To his surprise, however, the SUV was nowhere to be seen and Jack made his way instead to a classic sports car pulled up outside the house. As Jack went to unlock it and get in, all Ianto could do was stare. “Gorgeous, isn’t she?” Jack grinned at him

Ianto wasn’t a car person, but he could tell that yes, this was a very nice car. “Bloody hell, Jack.”

The captain laughed, “1964 E type Jag, series 1. Bought her new. Of course, back then I got around a lot more. I haven’t had a chance to take her out recently. Ask me nicely and I might take you for a spin.”

“How nicely would I have to ask?” He wondered aloud as Jack stroked, actually stroked the car.

“Not very,” he admitted wryly, “any excuse to have some fun. You coming?” The concern that Ianto had come to recognise over the last few days was back in his eyes.

“Yeah, coming. Although I wouldn’t complain if you went the long way round.”

“You’re telling me there’s a short way from here to the Hub?” Jack laughed as the engine started with a gorgeous noise, “Better get out of here before I annoy the neighbours.”

Ianto was surprised to discover that he enjoyed the drive to the Hub. Normally Jack’s driving put the fear of God in him, but now he knew that Jack drove the SUV like he drove the Jag, which didn’t work. It was too big, too unresponsive and, apparently, not fast enough. It was like a roller coaster, in that it was great fun, terrifying and at the same time it felt completely safe.

He found he was laughing as they got out in the car park they always used, where even he had never noticed the Jag sitting quietly in the corner until it was needed, “You’re not the Stig by any chance, are you?”

“Nah, they asked me, but I told them I didn’t have time.”

Ianto was impressed but suspicious, “Really?”

“No, sadly not. But it would be a cool story if it were true.”

“Are all your stories like that?” he asked accusingly

Jack put a hand on his heart in mock offence but he was grinning, “Actually they’re usually genuine. Maybe a bit embellished, because even my memory’s not good enough to recall events of a hundred years ago perfectly, but I’ve never told an outright lie. Apart form the one about being the Stig.”

“Hmmmm…”

“Honest!” Jack held up his hands and then did the scout salute, “Scout’s honour.”

“You were never a scout, Jack.”

Jack hid the thrill of delight at the fact that Ianto was still using his first name, even though they were sort of at work, “Says who?”

“You don’t know Black Crow Spirit. Every scout knows Black Crow Spirit.”

“You got me.” He laughed, enjoying the banter, “But I’m still telling the truth.”

“Fine, I believe you.” Ianto joined in with the laughter, trying to hide his fear at returning to the Hub, but Jack seemed to notice that more than if he’d shown it.

“Come on, you’ll be fine, I’ll help you.”

“Catch me when I fall?” He asked, looking Jack directly in the eye. All the older man did was nod once, but it was enough. Ianto turned towards the door and let Jack lead the way into the building that haunted his nightmares.

Once inside, Jack used his wrist strap to turn on all the lights ahead of them and let Ianto go ahead at his own pace. They had come in through the TI office, and the young man stopped at the hidden door, staring down the stairs lost in thought. When he finally spoke it was so quiet that Jack almost missed it, and he almost wished he had because the words tore him apart inside, “You were right, you should have shot me there and then.”

“Oh Ianto.” He breathed, shaking his head as he came to stand beside the young man and forced him to meet his eyes, “I could never do that, and no, I was wrong. I was so wrong.”

Ianto shook his head, “I was wrong.”

“Doesn’t mean that I wasn’t. Look, how about we were both wrong? And we can build on our mistakes, by which I do not mean make them bigger.” Ianto managed a small smile, although he was still fighting tears, “We have to keep fighting Ianto, because there’s always a point where it’s sink or swim, and at Torchwood it’s the moment we first step through the door.”

“Did you sink or swim Jack?”

“I sank.” He said honestly, “I had no one there to help me.”

“I’m glad I do then.” Ianto attempted a smile and was grateful when Jack just accepted it, even though he knew he’d seen through it. “God, we’ve only got to the doorway and already I’m stuck.” He was surprised to feel a hand slip into his own, but he squeezed it gently, reassured that his friend was there when he needed him.

He led the way down the stairs slowly and carefully, feeling his heart rate and breathing increase as they got closer to the Hub. When he finally stopped, unable to go any further, Jack’s hand was in his again, reassuring him and supporting him. This time he didn’t let go either, even when they were standing side by side in the Hub. His eyes sought out the Captain’s and he found concern and compassion, which gave him the strength to look around them.

Jack let Ianto go and watched as he went to stand in the middle of the Hub, looking around as if searching for something. He looked back, towards Jack but not at him, instead focusing on the cog door behind him, “I used to stop every time I reached that door to give myself time to become the person you all expected of me, but eventually it didn’t matter, because you never noticed me anyway.”

Jack wanted to go to him and hold him and tell him that he’d always noticed him, but this was something Ianto needed to work through on his own.

Now Ianto turned to the pool in the base of the Hub, where Jack had revived him with that kiss, “When I woke up, and found you kissing me…” now he looked at Jack, “Why exactly were you kissing me, sir?” The tone was accusatory but the slight smile took the sting out of his words.

“You were unconscious with no pulse and no breathing, it felt like a good idea.”

“You saved me, even though you should have shot me?”

“Got a problem with that?” now Jack sounded defensive, but Ianto’s smile disarmed him

“Thank you.” He replied simply, then turned back to the pool, taking a moment to slip back into the reflective mood he’d been in before the memory of Jack kissing him stole in. It was a hard memory to subdue, “I think I knew that you’d saved me, that I’d be dead without you, but I didn’t know yet if it was a good thing or not. I haven’t found something to live for yet, something to give me a reason for coming back.”

Jack wanted to go to him and kiss him again now and tell him that he would give Ianto something to live for if he needed him, but he knew that he needed to find it on his own.

Ianto now walked to the edge of the autopsy bay and looked down, smiling slightly at the fact that it was the only place in the Hub that Owen would keep properly clean without being pestered. Then he saw the drawer where Gwen and Owen had been trapped, and the place where Owen had stabbed Lisa and he had found her, believed she was dead. Where she’d nearly killed two of his friends.

He heard Jack following him at a distance and descended the stairs to kneel next to the spot where he’d found her. Owen had tried to apologise for killing her, for killing a monster, defending the world and doing his job. Even Ianto had been able to see that, so surely he had? There was now no sign that anything had happened; autopsy floors were designed to clean well, as were the walls, and her blood would have been washed clean in moments. The autopsy room was the best place for anyone to die from Ianto’s point of view; it was easy to clean and he wasn’t even allowed to do it. He realised he was slipping back into his work persona when he jumped and flinched at Jack’s hand on his shoulder, and he was surprised when he found a handkerchief pressed into his hand. Turning to settle against the wall, he stared at the handkerchief as he twined it between his fingers but he saw Jack’s feet lift off the floor as he seated himself on the autopsy table in his peripheral vision.

After a while he looked up again and had to blink several times to clear his vision of unshed tears before he could focus on Jack again. For the first time he looked properly into the depths of Jack’s eyes and he was scared by what he found in there. The depths of compassion, pain, love, anguish and time itself were reflected in Jack Harkness like they could be in no other human being. Only a Time Lord or other immortal could know that much emotion and not be consumed utterly by it.

Jack was the first to break the connection and looked away, as though embarrassed by what Ianto had seen in him, as though it were some weakness. The young man shook his head and looked down at his hands again, “It puts it into perspective a bit, knowing what you’ve lived through over the years and years and years. My problems seem insignificant.”

Jack didn’t move, “One man’s story within a tale of many men?” He quoted quietly, a tear escaped Ianto’s eye as he nodded, still not looking at the Captain. “That doesn’t make it any less important, Ianto.” He said gently, “In fact it makes it more important, because what Lisa lost, what you lost the chance to share with her, was the important things in life. Love, stability, a family and a home. And they’re things I can never have, because mine is the tale of many men, so I can’t do the small picture stuff. It hurts too much.”

His voice had sunk, as he was speaking, until the last sentence was barely a whisper, a breath that Ianto barely heard; but he heard it and felt his heart break for the older man’s sorrows, “You’ve still got to fight for it, because even if you can’t die, that doesn’t mean that you’ll live forever There comes a point where living becomes simply existing. Don’t ever reach that point Jack.”

“Who says I haven’t already?”

Ianto finally met Jack’s eyes and saw the tears staining his cheeks, “You’re still here.”

They sat in silence for a long time, looking into each other’s eyes in search of reassurance, understanding, comfort, something that couldn’t be achieved through words alone or even with them getting in the way. This time it was Ianto who broke the connection first, dropping his eyes to the handkerchief again and resuming twisting it. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t know what to cry for. All his tears for Lisa had been shed over the course of the months in the basement, he’d cried for himself for nearly three days in the last week, but then he remembered what he’d seen in Jack’s eyes, the anguish and sorrow of a man who was always so strong on the outside, when internally anyone else would be broken. Now the tears came, tears for a man everyone relied on without thinking about it, who went through so much pain to keep this world, a world that wasn’t even his own, safe, all for the sake of a chance meeting on a barrage balloon during the second World War.

He looked up at the Captain and found him looking away, giving Ianto the privacy he’d never even thought to ask for, but he was grateful. It gave him the chance to study him with his defences down, the way he hunched his shoulders slightly, locked his feet together and clung to the edge of the autopsy table so tightly that his knuckles were white. This was Jack, not the Captain, the real Jack, who was as defenceless as Ianto had ever been, but who needed defending from himself as well.

Ianto gripped the handkerchief tightly and stood up, moving to sit with his back to Jack on the table. After a while he tipped his head back to gaze unseeingly at the ceiling instead of the floor and he felt the tears trace new tracks down his cheeks, “Thank you, Jack.” He whispered, but he knew that his friend had heard him. He promised silently that the moment Jack needed him he would be there. He had no choice.

Realisation slowly dawned on him that there was one place he had to visit on his personal pilgrimage around the Hub and that it lay in the basement. Steeling himself against the fear and uncertainty he set his shoulders and stood up, pausing at the bottom of the steps to note that Jack was once again following him, all trace of the uncertainty gone, just being there again. Yet again he silently thanked the Doctor for creating such a remarkable man.

He hesitated in the middle of the Hub, facing the door to the underground passages that led to the hellhole he’d created. He glanced back at Jack, seeking the reassurance he knew he would find there and turned back to continue on his journey, suddenly, however, and without warning, Myfanwy swept down from her nest, screeching and all but attacking him. In a split second, the memories of the fear and the pain as he saw the Pterodactyl attack Lisa sprang back and overwhelmed him in a crushing blackness.

Jack saw Myfanwy coming and felt powerless to stop her. He ran towards Ianto instinctively to protect him as he sank to his knees, covering his head and crying. Placing himself between the angry Pterodactyl and his young friend he fumbled with the controls on his wrist strap to find the frequency control to send her back to her nest where he could pacify her properly. As she veered away from him and returned to safety he turned his attention to the man behind him who was shaking with fear and anguish. Without a second’s thought, Jack pulled him into a tight embrace and pressed kisses to his dark hair, rubbing his back soothingly as he tried to calm him. Gradually, Ianto got his breathing back under control but as he did so he pulled even closer to Jack, searching for shelter and safety. Jack figured he was probably in shock.

He half pulled, half carried the young man to the sofa behind Tosh’s desk and held him again as he sobbed. His heart broke for the pain this too young man had to deal with, and for the life that would be denied him whether he stayed here or not. If he stayed he could never have a normal life with a family and a home, but if he left he wouldn’t know the wonders of the universe; it was impossible to do both, and nearly as impossible to choose between the two.

As Ianto’s breathing calmed and he clung less tightly to Jack, the immortal pulled himself away and went to get him a glass of water. He returned as quickly as he could and found his friend much calmer, but watching Myfanwy sweeping round the Hub, now not attacking him thankfully.

“I have no idea what she was up to.” Jack pondered out loud as Ianto accepted the glass gratefully.

The Welshman laughed, “I don’t know, maybe she knew it was all my fault.”

“Well if she is, she’s the only thing in the building who still blames you for it. Although, I’m not sure about Janet either… Maybe we should avoid her for a bit too.” He tried to joke and was rewarded by a genuine, albeit slight, smile.

“Do you mean that, Jack? Do you really not blame me?”

“Really genuinely I don’t blame you. I’m not going to say that the others have forgiven you, because I can’t speak for them, but I have.”

“Why?”

Jack smiled, “And to that profundity there is only ever one correct answer, because.” He sat beside Ianto again, aware that he was towering over him standing up and watched him carefully again, “Are you alright?” he asked tentatively, relieved when Ianto nodded in response.

“I can’t…” he took a deep, steadying breath and let it out again, trying to control the tears that threatened to fall just thinking about that room in the basement, “I can’t go down there Jack, not yet. I’m not ready. I…”

“Hey, it’s OK,” he pulled the young man to him again and stroked his back soothingly, “You don’t have to, not yet. But we’ll get there, you’ll see, I’ll help you.”

Back at Ianto’s house at just after midnight they sat at opposite ends of Ianto’s bed again with hot chocolate and marshmallows to keep them warm and amused, in that order, (Jack had an enormous mouth, there was no way to win fluffy bunnies against him, no matter how had Ianto tried or how much he cheated), but both supplies were running low. Sighing into his now empty mug, Jack glanced at the clock on Ianto’s bedside table and groaned. He put the mug down on the bed, grabbed a marshmallow and untucked his leg from underneath him, “We should get to bed, well I should get to bed anyway, as you’re already there. That’s if…” He hesitated, seeming unsure and almost nervous, “Do you want to come back in tomorrow?”

Ianto’s smile told him enough, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, sir.” He said, laying extra emphasis on the title, but in a way that Jack knew was not dismissive like it had been in the past. The Captain grinned and stood up, collecting both the mugs and leaving his friend the marshmallows as he headed towards the door, but he was stopped by a call from Ianto. He turned and faced the young man, leaning against the door frame gracefully. The young Welshman coloured, but he knew he had to say it, there was no way he could sleep tonight if he didn’t. “Jack, will you stay with me tonight, please?”

The older man’s heart melted a little, maybe even a lot, “Course I will, I’ll just do these and be right back.” He indicated the mugs and padded down to the kitchen. When he returned he slid under the quilt with Ianto and they lay on their sides watching each other warily. It was Ianto who broke the silence, grinning mischievously, “What my Mam would say if she knew I was sharing a bed with a man…”

“What would she say, Mr Jones?”

Ianto just shrugged, “She’d probably be a hell of a lot more worried about the fact that you’re my boss actually.” He flopped onto his back again and reached for the light, feeling Jack do the same on the other side, “And on that note…” the room was plunged into darkness and he swore quietly.

“Whut?” Jack asked

“The marshmallows are still in the middle of the bed.” The quilt soared upwards and flopped back down again, presumably Jack had flapped it, and there was the sound of something plastic hitting the floor, “Oh, OK, not anymore they’re not.”

---

Thingy: I do not own Torchwood or anything in it (sorry, the word escapes me)

Author's note: There is a prize for anyone who can name me a folk song with that quote in it, "One Man's story within a tale of many men", especially if you name the one I'm thinking of. Even my brother didn't get it. I'll write a personal individual story for anyone who knows it, cos it's that obscure. And I blame everything here on Jack and Ianto, they just do their own thing. Honestly, I turn my back for five minutes and when I come back they're eating marshmallows without me! The cheek of it!

Dedication: Thankyou so much to everyone who's reviewed, especially Hotflower901 and LadyAnalyn who've done every chapter. I hope you've enjoyed it but it is now laid to rest, we have reached the end. We have run out of week. I will be starting on my next one, which hopefully will be a bit more cheerful and more sci-fi, very soon (I'm thinking hours rather than days) and there's a one-shot coming on Sunday for my 18th birthday :D Thankyou so much for reading, especially those who have reviewed, and I hope to see you again shortly.

Stuck Here Still

Right, so I just watched Aliens of London and I wondered what Tosh was doing there. And I just had to write this. Attack of the plot bunnies

---

Jack was getting frustrated, Tosh could tell, he’d tried Owen’s phone five times now and there was still no response. Part of her was worried, but she knew it was probably another drinking binge to try to cope with the loss of his girlfriend, that part worried too actually. She covered Jack’s hand with her own, “I’ll go, Jack. I probably know enough to get the information we need, and we haven’t got time for Owen to surface again.”

He looked at her gratefully; they were running out of time, “Are you sure?” When she nodded and headed for the autopsy room to collect some stuff he went to arrange an ID for her, “Just find out if it’s the genuine article and stay safe, something feels wrong, don’t ask me what but something’s not right.”

He handed her an ID card, “What am I looking out for, anything in particular?”

“Sorry, Tosh, I wouldn’t know without looking, and I can’t go.”

“Why not?” Because I have a feeling they’ll be there, and they haven’t met me yet. I can’t explain it properly, but it involves the Doctor, my Doctor, but before me. So if you meet him, he’s tall, big ears and talks with a northern accent, calls himself the Doctor, that’s all, you can’t mention me or Torchwood. That could seriously mess up the timelines and, well, we have enough on our hands.”

She nodded her understanding and headed for the door, “UNIT’s helicopter should be here to pick Owen up any minute, I’ll explain the change of plan when they get here.”

“Not to worry, I’ll do that, I’m coming to see you off at least.” He looked miserable

“You really want to go, don’t you?”

“More than anything in the world.” He replied honestly, but he managed a smile at least, “Still, hopefully it won’t be long before the right one comes along.”

“What will you do when he comes?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t promise I’ll stick around. I want you to know that, Tosh. Because one day I may just vanish, and I want someone to know that, if I do, it’s because I have to. I can’t stay here forever, not when I’ve seen the universe and everything it has to offer.”

“I understand.” She said, and she did.

Birthday

Author's note: 19th August, Ianto Jones' birthday. I meant to get this up yesterday as a present for Ianot, but then I got a phone call from a friend whom I haven't spoken to in nearly a year,s o I got a bit distracted. So it's a belated birthday gift, but still my second birthday fic in under a week. FLUFF!!

---

It was another normal day at Torchwood, by which he meant that he and Jack had got up at 3 in the morning to deal with rift activity and hadn’t yet stopped. At the moment he was driving down the motorway towards Pembroke in pursuit of a Spaceship sighting which would probably turn out to be something perfectly innocuous like a beach ball or a spaceship. He was startled from his reverie by a hand on his knee, his lover’s hand to be precise. “I’m sorry, Yan. This isn’t how I’d intended we spent your birthday.”

“Not your fault, Jack.” He’d forgotten it was his birthday to be honest, the last few months hadn’t been great, what with the Dalek invasion, the upcoming opening of Cern and its related weirdness and the loss only a few months ago of Tosh and Owen, a stab of pain went through him still when he thought about them, individual days had been hard to think about, “It’s Torchwood, isn’t it? Neither the rift nor our visitors know about Christmas, and if I can forget my birthday I’m sure they can.”

“You forgot?” Jack sounded surprised, shocked even

“Well not forgot exactly, I just lost track of the date. I still think we’re in July. The weather certainly doesn’t think it’s August.” He muttered as he steered around a particularly big puddle.

Jack laughed, “Well I promise that this evening will be better. I can’t promise anything about the weather, but everything else will be perfect.”

Ianto looked astonished, “You’ve got something planned for this evening?”

“Well yeah, it’s your birthday. It’s got to be a bit special.” Ianto took his hand and squeezed it, then let go to change gear as they pulled onto the roundabout in Pembroke.

That evening he leant on the railings, looking down on the Hub, and took a sip from his coffee. Mickey was busy tracking down all sorts of blog posts and photos of the spaceship and messing around with the links. They couldn’t just delete them these days, it was too suspicious, but they could break links here and there, push them either down or out of search results, put in extra irrelevant results to certain searches. All so that no member of the public would know what danger they were in every day. He sighed heavily and started when he felt a hand on the small of his back. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and he leant back into the hold of his lover, “Heya, Jack.” He murmured, before taking another sip of his coffee.

Jack chuckled behind him, sending vibrations running across his back and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, “Heya yourself, you ready?”

“Ready.” He replied, although he didn’t know what for yet.

Jack didn’t seem about to explain as he called down to Mickey and Gwen, “Can you two hold the fort for us?”

“Course we can.” Gwen replied, pinning round on her chair to look up at them with a fond smile, “You too enjoy yourselves, happy birthday again Ianto.” Once things had quietened down a bit Gwen had given him a gift from her and Rhys, a set of crystal whiskey tumblers with a decanter and, and this was one of the best bits, a bottle of extremely good Scotch Whiskey. He and Jack would enjoy that one night. Even Mickey, the new boy, had got him a couple of DVDs, Ianto had been extremely touched, Mickey was trying hard with everyone but Jack to fit in.

Speaking of whom, his lover had unwrapped himself from around Ianto and was pulling on his arm, leading him to the invisible lift rather than the cog door. He sighed happily and leant into Jack, who wrapped his arms around him again as the lift rose and smiled down at their friends who watched them disappear up into the hole in the roof.

Standing in the Plass, wrapped in a tender embrace whilst the world went by around them, Ianto felt there was nowhere he’d rather be. He had everything he wanted from life, and he was proud to be able to give something back as well. The young man turned and kissed his lover passionately, knowing that no-one could see them but knowing also that he wouldn’t care if they could. What he and Jack shared was far more important than what people thought about it. Eventually he was forced to break away for air, and when he did Jack moved his hand from where it had come to rest on the back of his neck to stroke his cheek gently. There were tears in the older man’s eyes as they gazed at each other, drinking in the sight of the person they loved. His voice, when he found it, was barely a whisper, “I love you Ianto.”

Ianto’s heart skipped a beat, like it did every time Jack said those words, “I love you too.” He whispered in response, running his fingers through Jack’s hair and feeling their hearts beating against each other as they pressed close together on the block. Eventually Jack pulled away and he mourned the loss of the contact, but Jack took his hand and led him across the Plass and along the Bay to a restaurant overlooking the Bay. When they arrived they were led to a reserved table where a bottle of Champagne was waiting for them. Jack was the perfect gentleman throughout, the Jack that Ianto had come to know with surprise and fall in love with with ease. This Jack was one who only came out in public and probably dated from the early 20th century or even the 19th, when everything was much more formal. There were so many different sides to his Captain, and he loved every one of them.

Some time later, as they finished their main course and waited for dessert, Jack started to grow nervous and agitated. He hid it well, but Ianto knew the signs and it made him nervous too. He worried that Jack was going to break off their relationship, they’d both been under a lot of pressure lately and he knew that Jack had taken the loss of Tosh and Owen harder than the rest of them had, maybe it had just got too much. Catching Jack’s eye and seeing the myriad emotions blazing there he reassured himself that that was not the case, they were as secure in their relationship as they had ever been, so what was Jack nervous about.

All became clear when the plates had been cleared away and Jack pulled a small box out of his pocket. Ianto stared at in it shock and Jack smiled slightly, before clearing his throat, “Ianto, I know you don’t like to make a scene, so I won’t, although what I really want to do is shout it from the rooftops. But I want you to know how much you mean to me and how much we mean to me. I want to be able to tell the world that there is a ‘we’, and that there is no one in this world more important to me than you. I want us to have all the rights that the British Government gives people who love each other, I don’t want to have to flash my Torchwood ID to get in to see you if you’re injured in hospital again, although I’d rather you didn’t get injured at all. I want to be with you to the end of time, but that’s not possible, so I want to make the time we have together as special as possible. Ianto Jones…” he paused and cleared his throat again, tears were swimming in his eyes and blurring his vision. If he’d been able to see clearly he would have seen Ianto’s answer already written on his face, “Ianto, will you marry me?” He opened the box to reveal a simple, traditional diamond ring.

Ianto was stunned, “Oh Jack, there’s nothing I want more.” He silenced Jack’s overjoyed reply by leaning across the table and felt Jack meet him halfway. They didn’t care who saw them now, they were nearly official. As they kissed, Jack took the ring from the box and broke apart from his fiancé for a moment to slip it on his finger. Ianto stared at it, then took Jack’s hand and squeezed his fingers, kissing him again lightly and tenderly. They stared at each other again, lost in the moment until the desserts arrived, breaking the atmosphere slightly and creating one perfect, immortal moment which they both knew they would remember for the rest of their lives, no matter how long that might be.

A Point in Time

Author’s note: Occurs in my AU, where we have a fourth member of the TARDIS crew. The full story of her presence will be told in my other story called “Isn’t Worth Living”. OK, plug over, this is a one-shot for my birthday and it’s dedicated to my best fried who’s made it the best birthday ever and my brother, who helped and gave me this idea. Enjoy.

Oh, and to read the later story of Jack’s present, check out my brother’s story Tuesday, he insists that I give him a plug because I nicked his story idea (sorry Rick, but I’m better than you.)

---

Jack wandered into the main room of the TARDIS with his hands in his pockets and flashed a strained smile at his friends, “Jazz isn’t feeling very well, I’m going to stay with her, you two go and have some fun, we’ll join you if she’s feeling better later. And call us if you need us.”

The Doctor looked worried, “Is she OK, do you want me to go and check on her?”

“Nah,” he shook his head and shrugged, “she’s fine, just, you know… We’ll be fine, you go and enjoy yourselves.”

“If you’re sure…” but he couldn’t finish his sentence before Rose had dragged him out of the TARDIS. Jack stood in the doorway to see them off as they wandered arm in arm through an alien market and he smiled to see the Doctor looking so happy. He was still smiling as he made his way back to the room he shared with his girlfriend not far from the TARDIS kitchen. He pushed the door open to find her surrounded by balloons and wrapping paper, “Do you think we’ve got enough balloons?”

She grinned, “I hope so, Rose’s room’s full of them too.” Jack stifled a groan as she picked up an armful of the balloons and passed them to him. “Come on, I don’t know how long she’ll be able to keep him away.”

Jasmine was setting up the cake on the table, complete with quite a lot of candles, when her phone rang in her back pocket. Jack fished it out as he passed and winked at her as he did so and answered with a laugh, “Heya, Rose. How are you doing?”

“We’re just heading back, how’s Jazz feeling?”

His grin broadened and he slid his hand back into his girlfriend’s jeans pocket, successfully distracting her from tying up the last balloon, “She’s fine, up and about again. How long until you get back?”

“Five minutes, see back there.”

He hung up and pulled away from her reluctantly, “That was our five minutes warning. Come on, we’ve got a lot to do before he gets back.”

The next five minutes were a rush, tying up balloons, secreting party poppers around the place, falling over each other constantly, but by the time the door opened and the Doctor strode in they were hidden out of sight and the room was ready.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw the balloons and the streamers everywhere, staring in shock as Jack, Jazz and Rose all screamed together, “Surprise!”

Rose and Jazz ran and hugged him, then stood back as Jack hesitated before doing the same. They laughed at the two men, especially at the Doctor who appeared to be in shock. “Happy Birthday!” Jazz laughed

“What?” He spluttered out, struggling to find the right words to convey his surprise, happiness and slight fear at his friends’ party.

“Well, after the party you all threw for me, and then the time we all went out and got drunk for Jack’s birthday, and going back to Rose’s Mum’s for her birthday, we had to do one for you too.” Jazz explained, “And we don’t know when your birthday is, so we picked a date and went for it.”

“Cos we figured that time is relative and all that, and every time we’ve asked you you’ve said that you don’t know, so we eventually decided to believe you.”

“And we picked one year to the day from me meeting you, because it felt significant.”

“Guys, I don’t know what to say. Thank you. You humans, you’re fantastic.” He hugged them all in turn again and was surprised to find that he had tears in his eyes, “You’re absolutely fantastic.”

“We know.” They chorused, and dragged him off to eat a cake shaped like the TARDIS, jelly and ice cream and those little cocktail sticks with cheese and pineapple. Underneath the table was a pile of presents, from the three of them and some of his past friends whom Jack and Jasmine had tacked down over the last few months; a chronopathic watch from Jack, a new jacket from Rose, a set of Gobstones from Jasmine, a model of the solar system from Liz Shaw and a pair of socks from Jackie Tyler (“Only your mother, Rose! Only your mother.”) Amongst many others. And, for the first time in a very long time, the Doctor finally felt like he belonged. And all it had taken was one date, picked out of three hundred and sixty five others, to latch on to for all time.

Isn't Worth Living: Prologue

Author's note, feel free to ignore:
OK, this is the plot (and the character) who wouldn't leave me alone. There were references to her in my last story, because I can't cope with stories that don't follow, I get far too confused lol. She started as a Mary-Sue and then developed into a fully fledged character of her own, but her roots in Mary-Sueness are just too deep to wheedle out fully. It's AU, as you may have noticed, but there are also AU Harry Potter References. In my original totally Mary-Sue universe (which is staying in my head except when I talk to myself), the other OC who appears is the wife of Severus Snape, and he survives and they have several children, just so's you know. She can be a stand alone character, however.

Fluffy opening chapter, AU rewrite of Boomtown, then we'll get all angsty and moody, I promise (whether I want to or not usually. OK, waffle over.

Dedication: To my lovely family who put up with me talking through this story constantly, and my brother who agrees to sleep until mid afternoon so I can talk to myself in privacy (such a chore I'm sure)

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or Harry Potter or anythign pertaining to them. Jasmine and Amber are free to loving homes, as they're original.

Here we go...

---

“Awww, aren’t they sweet, how come I never get any of that?” The attractive American asked

“But me a drink first.”

He pouted theatrically at the lanky, big eared northerner, “You’re such hard work.”

The Doctor responded with an exaggerated grin, “But worth it.”

The new arrival announced her entrance with a laugh as she wandered across and slipped an arm around her boyfriend’s waist, “Oi, behave yourself. Honestly, just ‘cos I’m out of the room…”

Jack chuckled and pressed a kiss to her lips, “You know you wouldn’t want me any other way.”

“Probably true.” She conceded with a rueful grin, “You must be Mickey?” she approached a young man she’s never met before, “I’m Jazz.”

“Nice to meet you Jazz, you part of this nutjob crew too?”

She laughed and Mickey noted the way that Jack’s eyes followed her around the room and he smiled slightly when she laughed, the poor guy was completely gone. “Yup,” she grinned at him, “and believe it or not, I’m the wild one. Anyway, nice to meet you. Will you be sticking around for a bit, ‘cos I’ve got to dash, hence the fancy dress.” She gestured down at her Victorian schoolmistress style black pinafore dress and white blouse.

“Yeah, I’ll be around for a while, catch you later.”

She danced back to Jack and kissed him briefly before dashing out the door with vague threats of what would happen if he didn’t behave himself whilst she was gone.

Rose rounded on him with a grin, “And you say WE’RE sweet?”

---

Half an hour later, Jasmine jumped off a bus in Butetown and reached for the wand holding her hair up as she made her way to an empty Warehouse. She let herself in and dropped her bag against the wall, leaning next to it to wait. Before very long the door swung open again and the headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry pulled her into a hug.

“Jasmine sweety, you’re looking fantastic! Found yourself a man by any chance?” Amber asked

Jazz smiled fondly at the only mother figure she’d ever had, “Maybe… How’s the boss man?”

“He’s fine, he sends his love, so do the kids.” As they talked she was pulling items out of her bag and setting them on the floor, two large plastic rings and a clipboard, “Are you ready for this?” She asked

Jazz nodded and went to stand in one of the rings, waiting for the nod from her friend, then concentrated, turned on the spot and moved.

The headmistress checked her over and smiled, “Well that was painless, do it another couple of times to be sure.” The younger woman repeated the process and then looped the ring she was standing in up into her hand with her foot.

“Good?” she asked with a smile

“Very good and you know it. You’re good to go, which means we have plenty of time for a coffee if you like?”

“I’d love to, here or find a coffee shop?” She grinned as her friend made a complicated gesture with her wand and a small coffee table and two large beanbag chairs appeared out of a bag that shouldn’t have been big enough to hold them, followed closely by a pair of coffee mugs and a cafetiere, “Here I take it then.”

Jazz was halfway through a story about a visit to 18th Century Brazil when her phone rang on the table. She caught it up with an apology to her friend and only realised when she answered it that she had no idea who it was, “Hello?”

“Heya baby, how did you do?”

She grinned, “Jack! Should have known really, I passed of course. No problem. What about you, where are you?”

“We’re at City Hall, and we’ve got a Slitheen, care to join us?”

“OK, you up for meeting my mother?”

“I’ll take the Slitheen thanks.”

“Tough luck love, we’re both coming.”

They apparated into a back alley and walked around to the front, a charmed piece of paper getting them into a large room with a model of something in the middle. Her friends were standing around the model glaring at it and a large blonde woman standing off to one side. The moment she stepped into the room Rose spotted her and grinned excitedly, “How did you do?”

“Passed of course!” She laughed, pulling Amber in behind her.

“Knew you’d do it.” The Doctor grinned as Jack hugged her close, “So do you want to introduce us?”

“This is Amber, the Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“Whoa, you mean Hogwarts is real?!” Mickey exclaimed in shock

They stared at him, “You’re perfectly willing to believe in time travel with aliens in a blue police box, but a school of magic is beyond you?” Jack asked sarcastically

“Well yeah, but he’s not fictional.” He looked like he was aware that this didn’t make sense, so Amber came to his rescue

“Hogwarts is real, Joanne was a student, not brilliant but with a wonderful imagination. She just used the school as a basis for her novels when she left, got into a lot of trouble for it but nothing really came of it. People are so willing to believe it’s fictional.”

“That’s just weird, you mean you’re a witch?”

“Yeah, got a problem?” she teased before continuing with the interrupted introductions, “Amber, this is Mickey Smith who blew up number 10. Exhibit B is Rose Tyler, who was inside it at the time and rules the world. The we have the Doctor, who was also inside it, has saved the universe on a pretty much daily basis for several hundred years and rules the whole of time and space. And finally we have Captain Jack Harkness, who keeps nearly destroying the world and rules my heart, but I guess he’s OK when you get to know him.”

“Love you too darling.” He stuck his tongue out at her

“I don’t rule time and space, Jazz.”

“I was being metaphorical. What’s going on here?” she gestured to the plan in the middle of the room

“The mayor’s trying to destroy the world.” Jack answered

“Oh, a normal day then, yeah?”

---

A few hours later, Jack and Jasmine were alone in the TARDIS and Jazz was patiently passing him tools, “So I take it you’ve used one of these?” she asked, gesturing to the device he was installing into the console.

“Yeah, once or twice.” He read her glance correctly, “OK, twice then, lower spec than this, we just surfed solar flares out in the Caribbean Galaxies.

“Caribbean, seriously?”

“Cross point screwdriver please. Yeah, Caribbean, you got a problem with that?” He took the tool from her and grinned

“Nope, no problem, but do they have pirates?

“One track mind, you.” He paused in his fiddling and looked at her seriously, “If you had to choose though, me or Johnny Depp?”

“You of course, you daft git.” She ran her fingers through his hair, “You’re my Captain Jack.”

He sat up and pulled her into his arms where she snuggled against him, “And you’re my pirate queen.” He felt more than heard her chuckle, “Do you want to watch it again, whilst we’ve got the place to ourselves?”

She considered it, “Nah, but Shrek though?”

“Go on,” he nudged her and smiled fondly, “Go and get it.”

---

As Antonio Banderas and Eddie Murphy danced and sang their way through Livin’ La Vida Loca, with some help from Jack and Jazz, something went very wrong. Sparks flew from the central console and the whole room shook, so Jack instinctively pulled Jasmine close to himself to protect her. She pulled away and ran towards the console, putting a hand on a pillar to steady herself, “It’s the… thingy! We’ve got to detatch it.”

“You stabilise the TARDIS, I’ll do that.” He ordered, slipping into a controlling role again.

As they struggled to regain control of the ship the doors burst open again, “What did you do?” the Doctor demanded.

---

A/N Aaaaah fluff. If only it could last. Offers cake and Janto for nice reviews XD

Isn't Worth Living: Chapter 1

Author's Note: AU rewritey bit, plus fluff. Where on Earth is this going? Well we know, but they don't. If you like, please review. It won't make me write any more or less, but everyone likes to feel loved :) Especially Jack

I apologise for the abstract bit. It was 2 in the morning and it made me laugh, so I put it in. I won't argue with inspiration when it comes.

He gave orders confidently, hiding his own terror behind layers of flirting and assurance, but he couldn’t hide it from himself. He prayed to a God he’d never even known about until he met her that He’d keep her safe, that she’d get out of this alive. He knew that he wouldn’t, but she was so young, she couldn’t die like this, not with all the wonders of life and the universe ahead of her.

People were looking to him for guidance, for a hero, how the Hell had that happened? What he’d said to the Doctor, it wasn’t true, he was safer as a coward, but he’d never have known this wonderful mix of pain and pleasure that was falling in love, falling so hard that there was no return. Jack only half paid attention to the communications flying around, his training enabling him to pick out what was relevant to his defences and filter out what wasn’t, so he heard when Lynda told them that the Daleks were on the ship, but he listened fully in horror when she said that they were going down as well as up.

“Please, no.” He begged silently, not wanting anyone else to see his terror when they relied on him, but almost unable to control it, so strong was the urge to break down and scream. She was going to die and there was nothing he could do. Down on the bottom level people started screaming, which meant that the monsters had arrived. He struggled to hear her voice, but he knew it was useless because she wouldn’t scream. But he heard her, yelling above them all,

“Will you please SHUT UP! Thank you. We’re all going to die, but we can at least do it quietly.”

“You will be extermin…”

“Yeah, yeah, I had kinda guessed. But you know what, it doesn’t matter, not for me, because I know I won’t see Jack again whether I survive or not, and without him life wouldn’t be worth living. There’s a difference between living and existing, and I don’t want to exist without him, I want to live or die with him, because a life without love isn’t worth living.” Her voice was full of fear, and pain but still so strong, and so full of love. Jack knew what was coming and wished that the communications channels would be shut off, so he wouldn’t have to hear what came next, but there was no escaping it.

”Then live no more.” The sound of a blast from a Dalek weapon rang out and he knew she was gone, because a part of him had just died.

He sobbed awake and felt the tears already soaking the pillow beneath his head. The pain was still so close, a never-ending part of him that just cut afresh every day without her. In all the years she’d been gone he’d never truly moved on, because he couldn’t. How did you move on from someone who hadn’t even been born yet, who you knew you would see laughing happily with you one day? Now the times when he could see her were gone, in her timeline she was gone, he’d found her friends and told them, and now the void had truly hit him. It was like he’d only really lost her a couple of years ago.

The agony consumed him again and he cried, waves of pain consuming his whole being. He didn’t feel the strong arms gathering him up, or hear the soothing words his friend muttered into his hair as he cried. It was a long time before he realised that he wasn’t alone, and when he did he was embarrassed and pulled away. Ianto watched him in concern and indicated the glass of water he’d placed on the bedside table. Jack took it gratefully and stared into it, as though wishing he could lose himself in it. After a while he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then looked up at Ianto properly for the first time, “Thanks.” The younger man just nodded and settled down on the bed in a way that indicated that he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, for which Jack was grateful. “Well that was… weird.” He said after another long pause when he finally trusted himself to say more than one word.

“Weird in what way?” Ianto asked

“How many ways are there for a dream to be weird?” he pondered, avoiding the question.

He was grateful again when the young Welshman went with the flow, “Well, there’s the ‘that hasn’t happened yet but wouldn’t it be cool if it did?’ the ‘that happened yesterday but not quite like that’, the ‘that’s frankly impossible or highly improbable’ and the old favourite, ‘I had too much cheese last night’ type of weird.”

“Does cheese really give weird dreams?”

“I don’t know, I avoid it on principle because my dreams are weird enough. You know, pterodactyls flying around under Cardiff, aliens living in the sewers, nuclear warheads turning into baby whales and geraniums.”

“I always wondered about the geraniums myself.”

“Any dream which involves geraniums must be beyond the usual weird.”

“Yeah…”

“It’s a rule I’ve lived by all my life.” He added.

“Have you ever had cause to use it?” Jack asked, intrigued

“Once.” His face was unreadable, so Jack took the plunge

“Oh?”

“Yes, about a minute ago, actually. It came up in conversation.” He finally gave up and laughed out loud at the bemused expression in his friend’s face, “Sorry, I shouldn’t go abstract at this time of the morning.”

Jack smiled tensely but genuinely and shuffled backwards to lean on the wall behind the bed, so Ianto swung properly onto the bed and propped himself up in a reversal of their usual positions. The thought made them both smile simultaneously and then laugh out loud; Jack could feel the tension ebbing away in the companionship. He reached across to his bedside table and grabbed a bar of dark chocolate from on top of his book and broke a piece off, passing the rest to Ianto, who did the same. Finally, as if as an afterthought, Jack glanced at the clock, did an amusing double take and swore.

“Did I wake you?” He asked guiltily

“Yes, but I wasn’t sleeping properly anyway. You’re not about to apologise are you?” The look on Jack’s face told him that he was, “Well, don’t. After the number of times I’ve woken you, it’s only fair.” He smiled gently, trying to reassure his friend.

“Yeah, but I’m supposed to look after you, not the other way around.”

“On what grounds?” Ianto raised an eyebrow and tried to hide a smirk when Jack adopted his defeated expression. “We’re friends, we’re here for each other. Especially, I note, at two in the morning. And, face it, if you hadn’t woken me I would have woken you. It must be your turn.” He was relieved when Jack smiled slightly again, “So, are you going to tell me what’s up?”

“Jasmine.” He tipped his head back and scowled when it bounced off the wall behind him. Rubbing his head he met Ianto’s eyes again and saw that the young man was hurting for him, he felt like a heel, “Sorry, I just don’t seem to be able to shake her these days. I guess, I just don’t know really. She’s been dead for over one hundred and forty years for me, but last time I saw her was just a couple of years ago. It’s so weird.”

“How did you see her?”

“Time travel, we were travelling together and ended up in Cardiff. And I sort of stumbled across her on her own. She didn’t see me though. She was so brave, a heroine right to the end. But I’m glad I came back instead of her, because I wouldn’t wish immortality on my worst enemy.”

“If you could become mortal, if you could die today, would you?”

“If I could become mortal, yes. But die today, no. I’m not ready.” They sat in silence for a while, each lost in his own thoughts before Jack set the now empty glass on the table and grabbed another lump of chocolate, “I dreamt about her dying, I remembered it really. Her final words.”

“What were they?” Ianto asked, worried by the far-away look on Jack’s face

“A life without love isn’t worth living.” Jack seemed to return to the here and now and looked at Ianto again, “She really believed it. She could have saved herself, she could have lived, but she didn’t want to live without me. I’ve never felt more in love or more guilty, especially when I came back.”

“Do you agree with her?”

“Oh yes, every day. It’s all that kept me going sometimes, kept me living. Because once I stopped loving, I don’t think I’d ever be able to start again.” The look in his eyes was unreadable but he held his hand out to Ianto who took it without hesitation, “Stay here for the rest of the night?”

Ianto just nodded and surprised Jack by moving around to lean against him. Still, he didn’t seem to be complaining as he wrapped an arm around Ianto’s waist and pulled the covers over them both. The younger man curled himself against the immortal captain and held him as they both drifted off to sleep again.

Isn't Worth Living: Chapter 2

Author's Note: Whoops, sory for the long delay, I went on holiday. This one is turning out to be much harder to write than I expected, and also much darker. I can't seem to find a way to cheer Jack up (you'll see what I mean). Next chapter should be much faster, as it's more on the original plot line. I've also had the best idea for a crossover, that's going to be cracking, but way way way in the future. If I can refrain from writing it that is...

OK, waffle over, I don't own anything in here. Anything that's original I give to my cat, he'll know what to do with it...

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Jack stared unseeingly at the computer screen as it logged in. They hadn’t talked about the night before, he’d woken up to the sound of Ianto showering, and then they had made breakfast together and gone to work without mentioning the fact that they’d spent the night in each other’s arms. And Jack really wanted to talk about it, because it had felt so right, he didn’t know if he could live his life without Ianto anymore.

He was startled from his thoughts by the arrival if a cup of coffee and the day’s post in the company of the man haunting his thoughts. Stammering out a thank you he turned his attention hurriedly to the post as the young Welshman watched him. After a moment he looked up and smiled at Ianto, trying to hide his conflicting emotions, “Anything I can do for you Ianto?” he asked.

“No, Jack, I just wanted to say thank you, for last night.” And then he was gone before Jack could form a reply.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind he went through the post, very little in these days of instant internet communications, and semi-filed it to make Ianto’s job easier, then turned to the internet communications he’d received. As well as the requests for information from other organisations, Facebook notifications, news shots and the usual dross that slipped through the filters, there was one message that drove everything else from his mind. He swore fiercely and startled Gwen who had just appeared in the doorway.

“Jack? What’s up?” she asked tentatively

“Oh.” He started up almost guiltily, but then his face became stony again, “Is Owen in?”

“No, I don’t think so. Why, has he…”

“Well as soon as he gets in I want you to gather everyone in the conference room. I’ll be there soon.” He interrupted. As she hurried away he advanced through further security levels and started serious research into activities of the last few months.

About quarter of an hour later, Jack strode into the conference room with a sheaf of papers. He plonked them down in this usual place and leant on the back of the chair, a sure sign that things weren’t right at Torchwood. They had only ever seen him this angry twice before, when he had found out about Suzie and then about Lisa. Ianto shifted uncomfortably, as he was well aware that the others would all be thinking about the last time. Jack broke the atmosphere by pulling his chair out noisily, for which the young man was extremely grateful.

Jack smiled at him tensely and pulled the sheaf of papers across to himself. “OK, before any of you gets any more uncomfortable, you haven’t done anything wrong.” They stared at him, “I got a message this morning, from Torchwood 1. They return to full operation on Monday.”

“What!?” Tosh and Owen yelled together. They looked as angry as he felt, Gwen looked confused and a bit scared, but Ianto was pale, clearly being swept along by a wave of painful memories. Jack wanted to take his hand to reassure him, but without knowing what their relationship was, let alone how they felt about it, or each other…

He did anyway, and Ianto’s eyes snapped to his, focusing on the here-and-now, “Sorry sir, I…”

Jack shook his head and smiled again, then released Ianto’s hand and turned back to the team, “Yep, it’s going to be called the Torchwood Archive, but it’s at Canary Wharf and…”

“What’s the difference?” Owen asked angrily, “After what they did! No offence Tea-boy, but they were shut down for a bloody good reason. Is there any way we can stop it?”

“It’s a sign of how angry I am that I actually considered it Owen, but we can’t. Officially it’s solely a research and archiving facility.”

“Officially?”

“Yeah, officially. How long that’ll last I don’t know.”

“So what can we do?” Gwen asked, trying to glean as much from the conversation as possible.

Jack frowned, “They have organised a meeting for all the agencies on Monday. They want to show us all their systems and how amazing and different to the old Torchwood 1 they are. Someone’s got to go and find out what’s going on, I suspect whoever goes won’t be the only one trying to get below the surface. If a couple of you go you can team up with someone from UNIT or, what’s the American one called? Liberty Towers, that’s the one. Find out what you can, then report back.”

“Why don’t you go?” Owen asked

“Because I’ve not made that many friends amongst the other organisations in my time here, and the last thing we need is me locking horns with Colonel Mace or whoever turns up.”

“I’ll do it.” Ianto even seemed to startle himself when he spoke but he sounded determined, “I’m the archivist, you lot won’t have a clue what’s going on there. Besides, I know my way around better than any of you.” He winced at the reminder and seemed to shrink back inside himself again.

Jack stared at him intensely and searched his face for any indications of his emotional state, “Are you sure? I’ll come if you want me to?”

He shook his head and smiled slightly, not entirely sure who he was trying to convince, “No, I’ll be fine.”

He hesitated a moment before nodding his approval, “OK, well the rest of us would be clueless anyway.”

“Probably, I still have nightmares about your filing system sir.”

“Cheeky.” He grinned his trademark hundred-watt grin and stood up, “Right. Ianto, I want you to tap your contacts at the other organisations and find out what they know, then make sure you know everything you need to for Monday. Owen, finish that autopsy, I want to know everything about her from birth to death. Tosh, I want you to keep working to find out what that thing I and try something else with the spam filter, someone keeps trying to sell me porn.”

“Well if you will keep buying it…” Owen muttered in a stage whisper

Jack grinned at him, “Not my type Owen. Gwen, come with me, you need to know what’s going on.”

She exchanged glances with the others and rested a hand on Ianto’s shoulder as she followed Jack out of the door, hearing the others leaving behind her, and went up to his office where he held the door open for her. The Captain gestured to the other seat and settled behind the desk, resting his chin on one hand to stare at her. It was extremely disconcerting, his eyes were so old compared to the rest of him, and so intelligent compared to the stuff he said sometimes. “So… You finished staring at me?”

“For the moment, I just wondered how you were taking this. Tell me Gwen Cooper, what’s running through your mind?”

“Ianto and Lisa worked for Torchwood 1, didn’t they?” He nodded, “So can we trust him? He volunteered very quickly to go back there and declined any help…”

“Do you trust him?” Jack asked sharply

“Yes.” She didn’t even need to think about it, she knew how badly his betrayal had hurt him, how he still struggled to cope with it, “Do you?”

Jack had the same lack of hesitation, “Yes. I know him, I…” he shook himself and smiled, “We can trust him. How much do you know about Torchwood 1?”

“Not a lot, Tosh and Owen don’t like to talk about it, I’ve never even tried with Ianto, Tosh told me when I joined about Lisa, but that was when we thought she’d died.”

He sighed and his eyes trailed away from her to a point somewhere in the distance, probably another time. “Torchwood was founded in Scotland to respond to any alien threat, but one in particular: The Doctor. He met Queen Victoria and saved her life. In return she founded the Torchwood Institute to hunt him down. Originally it was in Torchwood House near Aberdeen, for about six months, before a specially designed facility was built in London. They built on it for years and years, spreading and opening offices in Glasgow and Cardiff, both hotspots of paranormal activities, and I came to Cardiff searching for… Well, I was here for a purpose and it wasn’t Torchwood.” He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t ready to tell Gwen about the Doctor. Tosh knew, Ianto knew, but Gwen… “And let’s say that my participation wasn’t voluntary, not to start with at least. I’m not from this planet, not originally, so I’m a threat. Especially because I’m loyal to Torchwood’s worst enemy.”

“So how did you end up in charge?”

He closed his eyes, but before he did she caught a glimpse of pain, a deep and burning agony that ripped her heart apart. When he spoke it was brittle and broken, “I was the only one, there was no one else who could take over, no one else who knew.” He appeared to pull himself together, “And it was either that or let Torchwood 1 take over. And I wasn’t going to let that happen. Torchwood 1 were misguided to begin with, but they were inquisitive, they just wanted to know about the mysteries of space and to be able to protect the Earth. But before very long it had gone wrong. They had such power, and such technology. Can you imagine what a Victorian would do with a tazer? And from then on they started to use what they found for their benefit. No, actually, I’m being unfair. As soon as the empire started to fail they started developing technology to allow Britain to be the first to build an empire in space. That’s why there’s been no attempt really to retain the empire, because they know they’ll have one in the future.”

“And Torchwood expected to control it?”

“They did control it. They would have completely, they had so much. And Yvonne was a good woman, she believed that what she was doing was right, she was doing it to help. But it went wrong because they couldn’t stop messing. You know our policy, don’t press any buttons if you don’t know what they do. But Torchwood 1 had a policy more of push every button you find, and the more buttons they pushed, the more likely they were to find the one that would destroy the world.”

“What button did they push?”

He leaned back and put his hands behind his head, frowning slightly, “I don’t quite understand it, but basically they found a point where the dimensions were closer together than normal, or there was a weak point between them, and they decided to build the tower to reach it to investigate it. So far so good, until a sphere came through, but it wasn’t entirely there, or it was more there than they were. It wasn’t properly in this dimension I don’t think. And as well as the sphere, cybermen came through and started working behind the scenes to prepare an invasion, gaining strength. That was the ghosts. And then one day, the Doctor found out, he went to Canary Wharf, arrested actually, and they all came through, cybermen, Daleks, the lot. And he stopped it. I know he did, because his friend was on the list of the dead there. He saved the world again, but at such a cost.”

His eyes were full of such loss that she reached forwards and placed a hand on his knee, the only part of him she could reach. “You knew her?”

Jack took a deep breath and leant forwards again, “Yes, I knew her.”

“You loved her?”

A mysterious smile lit up his face, it was unlike anything she had ever seen, a mixture of sadness, happiness and mystery, “Yes, in a way. I loved them all, in different ways. I’m glad that, that I had a chance to say good-bye, even though it was long before she died, I said good-bye properly the last time I saw her.” He waved a hand and dismissed the subject, “After the battle Torchwood 1 was shut down completely on the orders of the Queen, but now it’s being restarted with a different set of instructions and goals.”

“And you don’t trust them?” Gwen frowned slightly

“Not as far as I could throw them. From what I can tell, UNIT are more involved than I would like them to be. I don’t trust them these days.”

“What do you mean, these days? Did you once?”

“Oh yes, completely. Alastair and Liz and all that lot were wonderful. The Doctor was heavily involved back in the 1970s and worked with them, they were like me, moulded and sculpted by him into fighters, rather than just soldiers. But the last of his… his children I guess, was Major Muriel Frost, who died in Downing Street back in 2006.”

“I remember that, that spaceship crashed into Big Ben and then Downing Street was blown up. I never imagined it could be true until I joined you lot, then I never imagined it could be a hoax.”

Jack looked sad again, “Yes, it was real. And people remember the crash and the explosion, but they never remember what came between, the deaths of the leading alien experts in the world. I knew all of them, I lost some of my closest friends that day. And I couldn’t go, couldn’t see them one last time.”

“I’m sorry, Jack.” She knew it wasn’t enough, but she had to say something, “What happened?”

“It was an alien criminal family, I don’t know how they killed them, most of the bodies were damaged beyond recognition by the explosion. The Slitheen they were called, and every day I dread meeting one of them again, because all I can do is send them to their deaths.”

“Don’t you want to?” His eyes, had they ever been that expressive and open; that full of pain?

“I’ve died more times than I could possibly count, Gwen. I’ve died in some of the most painful ways possible, and I would do anything to spare anyone that pain. Even a Slitheen.” He shook his head, trying to drag himself away from the dark pit that had lurked at the heart of his soul for as long as he could remember and which grew every year. God he needed Ianto to protect him, “But that’s beside the point, what matters is that Colonel Mace and his trigger-happy team have risen to the top and now there’s no-one in their place.”

“So what can we do?” she asked, worried by the defeated tone in Jack’s voice.

He rubbed his eyes and sighed, “I don’t know yet if there’s anything we need to do. Until Ianto gets back, until we know their policies, until we know if we need to oppose them…”

“They could agree with us, with you. They could be pro-Doctor.”

“They could, or they could be anti. And if they are…” he thought it through, “If they are against us, then we’ve got to get someone in there. We’ve got to, and I hate saying it, we’ve got to take control somehow, change their policies.”

“What’s the matter?” Jack sounded distraught; he avoided her eyes and stared instead at the empty coffee mug on his desk

“The only option I can think of is to get Ianto in there. He’s an archivist, he’s the best to send to an archive facility.” She could see the sense and told him so, but he shook his head, “I can’t do that. I can’t send him back there where there are so many memories. It’s bad enough that he’s going on Monday, but working there. He saw the aftermath of the battle, I know the kind of memories that linger after something like that.” Downing Street, Canary Wharf, the graveyards of Northern Europe. He wiped a lone tear from his cheek and looked back at Gwen to find her staring at him in compassion, as he choked back a sob she stood up and pulled him into her arms, holding him as he cried at the painful memories flooding him. But it was wrong, it felt wrong in Gwen’s arms, it should be Ianto. He cried harder at the realisation, choking out, “And I can’t let him go, I’ll lose you all, I can’t lose you any sooner than I have to.”

She rubbed his back soothingly, muttering soft nothings into his hair, she’d never seen him like this, never imagined that Jack could even be like this. He was so strong. The door opened slightly and she looked up to see Ianto watching them with concern. Pleading with him silently with her eyes to leave them, she tightened her arms around Jack protectively; he hadn’t yet noticed Ianto’s arrival. The young man surprised her, however, by advancing into the room and kneeling next to them on the floor. He rested his hand on Jack’s shoulder and looked at Gwen over Jack’s head, “I’ll look after him, don’t worry.”

Jack felt Gwen release him and panicked slightly at the loss, he needed someone even if it wasn’t Ianto, but before more than a couple of seconds had passed someone else had taken hold of his and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Someone stronger, warmer, more solidly reassuring: Ianto. As soon as the realisation seeped into his consciousness he shifted to cling on to his young friend. Just his being there helped calm Jack considerably and he pulled away after a few minutes, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Ianto was smiling at him sadly. “Oh Jack, what’s the matter with you?” He reached out to brush hair off Jack’s forehead, an intimate gesture that took them both by surprise.

Jack dropped his eyes, “Bad memories, sometimes it gets a bit…”

“Too much?” his voice was full of understanding and compassion; he hadn’t yet let go of Jack. All the immortal wanted to do was sink into his arms and stay there forever, but he couldn’t. No one could give him forever.

“Yeah, one hundred years of life and death can be overwhelming.” His tone was bitter and Ianto pulled him closer, his heart breaking for the pain his friend had suffered over the years. “Anyway, enough about me.” He pulled away and rested his hands on Ianto’s arms, keeping him close to search his face, “Are you OK with going back there? Really? If you want me there…”

Ianto shook his head firmly, “No, but thank you. Aside from the fact that I’ve had confirmation that Colonel Mace is attending…” Jack winced, “I’ve got demons to fight, and it’s something I need to do alone.”

“OK, but we’ll be here, I’ll be here, when you get back.”

Ianto smiled and stood up, separating himself from Jack and gesturing to the coffee mug, “Refill, sir?”

The Captain smiled to cover the sudden emptiness, realising that the moment was over, they were back at work and they were nothing more than friends. Never would be, never could be. Ianto was there when he needed him, he was there when Ianto needed him, but the rest of the time… “Ianto, thank you.”

Isn't Worth Living: Chapter 3

Woop, yet another chapter which I had exactly planned which didn't go exactly to plan. I hope you enjoy and like what I've done with the place. Please give me feedback, cos I'm a little fish swimming in a sea of madness and I'm not sure that I'm going in the right direction. I think I'm heading towards the end of the story but beyond that... Who knows? So feedback on it would be extremely helpful.

I think I should point out my general time frame for this. I think that the Battle of Canary Wharf was between the Christmas with the Sycorax and the Christmas with Astrid, and as one Christmas is before the battle and one is after Jack leaves, that leaves only one left to be the setting for Out of Time, which is the one with Donna. As a couple of months have passed since the Doctor and Rose were on Earth last in Love and Monsters, which also appears to be set a couple of months after their last visit for Christmas, so call it five months in total, putting that in May. That leaves us with a total of seven months maximum before Out of Time, possibly less. There are three months between Everything Changes and They Keep Killing Suzie, but we also need to leave time for Ianto to have got settled in before Gwen. As good as he is, I'm going to have him there by the start of June, settled in for Gwen's arrival (and with Myfanwy settled in and accustomed to Suzie) by the end of August, so she starts there at the start of September. This sets TKKS at the start of November (call it the 1st, 'cos it's my best friend's birthday) and gives us two months for Random Shoes before Out of Time (hey, we like to fit our own adventures with them in there too!) This means that by the time this is set (about a week after One Week finishes), Lisa has been dead two weeksish or a maximum of seven months, counting from Cyberwoman or the Battle respectively, call it five and a half to fit stuff around it

To summarise, this is set five and a half months after the Battle of Canary Wharf and only two after Cyberwoman.

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Ianto straightened his tie nervously and got out of the car. He leant against it to take in the sight of the place where he had worked for four years, the place where everything he had dreamt of had come crashing down around him and he had been shown wonders beyond his wildest dreams. Here he’d fallen in love, learnt about the mysteries of the universe, found himself, lost everything else and ended up in a world that would never let him go. And now, less than a year later, he was back here for someone else. Funny old world.

He glanced at his watch and noted that he was about ten minutes early, but headed in anyway. Someone would be there at this time, and it might give him a chance to pry. Jack had told him what they needed to know, how best to approach it, what to do should the Doctor appear. Ianto felt ready for what was practically his first field mission for Torchwood 3. Pushing through the revolving doors he flashed his ID at a UNIT security guard and made his way to the counter to wait. He used the time to survey the room and its few occupants. As well as the security guard and his partner there were two UNIT representatives whose ID badges identified them as Colonel Mace and S Jones conversing in a corner, a middle aged woman with auburn hair who smiled at him nervously and clutched her handbag tightly and a young, frazzled looking woman who was being harassed by a government official.

Pretending to be moving to study a pile of leaflets he moved closer to be able to hear their conversation.

“Look, Office Monkey, get these files sorted. I don’t care if the Queen of England is coming today, these files need filing and I’m not sticking around to do it. I’m going to report you to your superior. You think you’re so clever because you work for the high and mighty Torchwood, but Torchwood is nothing now, just a washed out filing system and I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with it.”

She took the files from him and set them on the counter before leaning back on it to regard him carefully, “I think you’ll find that my only immediate superior is the Queen of England.” He smirked more broadly but slightly nervously, “And possibly the head of UNIT or the UN, but officially I can ignore anything they say to me. My name is Jane Doe and I run this washed out government filing cabinet, which from here on in will be working tirelessly to protect you and your family so I suggest that you leave now and send someone with some manners in future.”

He bristled and Ianto knew that he wasn’t the only one tuned into the conversation now, “Are you threatening me girl?”

That was a mistake, Doe stood upright and advanced on him, “No, I was just pointing out how important my job is compared to yours, and how little time I have to waste on you.” He flinched back, then turned on his heel and walked out through the revolving door. The guards and UNIT representatives relaxed visibly.

Ianto took a moment to study Miss Jane Doe. She was quite a bit shorter than he was, five foot seven at a guess, although the high heels could put him out by an inch or more. He guessed that she was probably in her late teens or early twenties, probably the former, picked straight from Sixth Form, degrees weren’t much use at Torchwood after all. She wore a black skirt with a white blouse, black Mary-Janes and a bright blue scarf, which matched the blue streaks in her hair but, interestingly enough, not the rainbow striped pencil holding it up in a tight bun. Her eyes were brilliant blue and reminded him of Jack’s, especially the way they were currently blazing with anger. After a moment the fire left her eyes and she sighed, relaxing her tense shoulders and shaking her head slightly. As though oblivious to the people watching her, she turned back to the files and flipped through them before slipping behind the desk and filing them neatly in the cabinets behind there. She did something at the computers and then looked up properly, smiling as she met his eyes for the first time across the counter, “Government officials, eh? Their department is always the most important.” He offered.

She laughed and it was a beautiful sound, full of vitality and the joy of youth, a sound he’d long since lost to Torchwood, Ianto dreaded the day when it happened to her too, “Yeah, tell me about it. And I have the extraordinary good luck to work just around the corner from them. At least you’re in Cardiff, most of them wouldn’t notice if it just ceased to exist entirely.”

His face must have been a picture of astonishment but he tried to cover it, “You sound like a Welshman, except for the northern accent. Where are you from?”

Jane winked at him as she came around the desk and extended a hand, which he took almost nervously, she was so full of confidence, “Apart from the accent, which kind of gives the game away as we have only one Welshman coming today, it’s on your name-tag…”

He blushed and rolled his eyes, “I always forget the little details.”

“Really?” she’d raised an eyebrow and clearly didn’t believe him

“Well, no. Not normally. I guess today’s an exception.”

“We’ll make exceptions for you today, it must be hard. I’m sorry about Lisa, it must be hard to lose someone like that, especially after you fought so hard to save her.” He knew he was gaping now, but he couldn’t help it, part of him was angry too, “I’m sorry I read the report, I know it’s none of my business, but after what happened here, I decided to find out everything I could about the cybermen. When the report came through the computer picked it out. Captain Harkness is a good man.” She looked decidedly uncomfortable, “I wish I had a boss like him to look up to at the moment, but like I say; there’s only her Majesty above me.” She shrugged, “Don’t worry, I’m going to leave well alone in Cardiff. They say these days that free radicals are good for us.” A half smile ghosted across her young face and he returned it tensely but was extremely relieved when the auburn haired woman came across to them to introduce herself as Sarah-Jane Smith, an investigative journalist. Jane immediately launched into a discussion about the Doctor and Ianto reflected that staying ahead of her would be hard work if she chose to interfere.

Within a very short while the foyer had filled up with people of all nationalities and a huge variety of uniforms. As well as UNIT people from around the world he recognised the uniform of Liberty Towers, the pro-Doctor American equivalent of Torchwood, a few former companions of the Doctor, some of his old friends from Torchwatch and a couple from Australia. They really were keen for the whole world to see. He was just about to go over to speak to Mark, a friend from Torchwatch when he saw Doe approaching him through the crowd. She flashed him a bright but brittle smile as she arrived and laid a hand on his arm, having to stand on tip-toes to reach his ear and make herself heard over the noise of the other guests, “Ianto, whilst I remember, will you stay behind after the meeting. It won’t last long, but there’s something I want to show you in private.” She looked nervous, so he nodded silently but his throat was dry, he had no idea what she wanted and the idea of being alone with her made him nervous. Which was frankly ridiculous. She was just a kid, definitely younger than him, extremely attractive, very intelligent and running a secret organisation which dealt with aliens. She knew about Lisa, she knew what should have been done, would he ever make it home?

He banished the thoughts from his mind when he caught sight of her relieved smile and managed a smile in return; she turned and headed for the staircase where she ascended a couple of steps and clapped her hands, catching everyone’s attention to inform them that the meeting would be taking place in a conference room on the next floor, if they would care to follow her?

They followed her up the wide staircase to a long corridor that he knew ever so well. Leading off it were large rooms, which had been the research labs. Judging by the signs over the doors now they were archiving rooms organised by some numerical system. He couldn’t deny it, although Owen would laugh at him for weeks about it, he was extremely interested. He’d never yet found a system apart from alphabetical that worked properly.

At the end of the corridor a large presentation room had been turned into a conference room with a long, glass topped table in the middle and a projection screen at one end. In front of every seat along the table were a file and a pad of A4 paper with a plain black pen. No flashy logos here. Doe caught his eye and grinned, either she was a mind reader or she’d noticed the puzzled glance at the pen, because he knew that that’s what she was laughing at. There didn’t seem to be set seats, apart from five at the head of the table, so he sat down between Sarah Jane Smith and Sally Jones of UNIT and watched Miss Jane Doe carefully. She had one eyebrow raised in amusement and seemed to be studying the arrangement in the same way that he was studying her. Once everyone had sat down she picked up her pen and span it between her fingers almost nervously, then flicked a loose strand of hair away from her face and smiled brightly.

“Thank you all for coming today. I know that today is the last thing many of you wanted to see, some more than others, so I’m extremely grateful to you all. I also know that some of you have had…” she rolled her eyes and puffed her cheeks out, “let’s call them problems, with our recruitment procedure. I assure you that I wasn’t aware of the messages being sent until I got a less than polite letter from Captain Harkness telling me to leave his team alone.” Ianto fought the blush and smiled shyly at her in response to a similar one, Jack had that effect on people, “Anyway.” She glared at the ceiling for a moment and then looked back down, “There will be no more of that, although any applications to transfer here will be given thorough consideration if anyone ever wants a bit of peace and quiet or a period of convalescence. The Torchwood Archive is purely that, a great big filing cabinet for anything extraterrestrial. As you are probably aware, we have the remaining files from Torchwood 1 and copies of all the computerised files in your archives. What this means is that access to these files will be considerably sped up, because not only are they all in the same place but they will also be better organised.” Well, and here she grinned at his, again! “In some cases at least. Basically, my team spend their lives putting together the tiny-huge things in your reports which will only make sense when coupled with a similarly tiny thing in someone else’s report and which will make someone’s job much, much easier in the future.”

She looked at the ceiling again as if searching for inspiration, then stared at the surface of the table for a moment, “Sorry, I seem to have deviated a bit there. My next point should have been introductions.” After a rapid whirl round the table, Ianto realised that his old friends hadn’t yet been accounted for and were looking rather smug. Also that they hadn’t recognised him until she introduced him, he felt rather miffed. “Which leads me back to the top of the table,” she was saying, “and Torchwatch, or the surviving members of it. Normally conspiracy theorists are the bane of our lives, digging where we don’t want them to, putting half the information together and still getting the right answer, hacking into things and changing our passwords or blowing up Number Ten. And Torchwatch are, without a doubt, the most annoying. The late, great Mickey Smith was with them for a while and caused more trouble than we could possibly have imagined, as was Ianto over there.” Seriously, did she fancy him or something? “So I did the only sensible thing. Once they’d crashed my systems twice in one day, I Rick-rolled their computers and hired them. Allow me to introduce my team: Mark Bond, Alicia Devon, Hannah Trigg and Lucy Trigg.” The team now grinned broadly at the looks of stupefaction from around the table and Mark caught his eye, sending him an exaggerated wink. All Ianto could think was that this woman was brilliant, the organisations had been hand-picking their agents from them for years, but they’d never just hired a full team. It was either brilliance or stupidity.

Several hours later and they had returned to the conference room after a tour of the archives and the rest of the facility and even Ianto’s hand was full of the information they’d been given. He looked up from the notes he’d made when someone set a cup of coffee down in front of him. Smiling gratefully he took a nervous sip and discovered that, whilst it wasn’t up to his standard, it was a decent cup of coffee. He leant back and looked around the room again, watching as small groups formed to discuss the day’s events. Doe was circulating again, saying goodbye to a group who had to leave to catch their flight home, giving instructions to her team, exchanging email addresses with one of the UNIT guards and annoying Colonel Mace enormously. He didn’t know anything about her, had only just met her, didn’t even know if he could trust her, but Ianto knew that he liked her.

He drank some more of his coffee and watched more people depart, then felt a hand on his shoulder. Spinning round, he found himself face to face with Mark and Hannah and grinned, “So you two finally got together then? Congratulations.” They laughed and dragged him off to one of the side rooms where the old team were gathered cross-legged on the floor, just like the old days.

“Bloody Hell Yan, you mean you actually got in? When?” Lucy laughed as she tugged him down.

“About five years ago now, about the time I disappeared from meetings.”

“And we thought you’d found someone.” Mark mused, wrapping an arm around Hannah, but he saw the look crossing Ianto’s face and grew concerned, “What’s up?”

Ianto shook himself, “I did, she got me a job there.”

“Oh God.” Alicia paled and put her hands over her mouth, “The Battle?” he nodded silently, memories threatening to overwhelm him. He needed Jack to hold him and tell him everything was alright, but Jack was a good two hours drive away, “I’m so sorry Yan.”

“Yeah, well…” he sighed heavily, “that’s Torchwood. I hope you lot know what you’re getting yourselves in to.”

“Oh come on Yan, you know what happened to LINDA, and Colin.” They nodded, “We’re safer in here than we are outside. As soon as we poke our noses in it’s curtains. And we’re safe here, except from papercuts.”

“Yeah, the papercuts are a nightmare.”

“Don’t forget shutting your fingers in the filing cabinets or burning yourself on the coffee machine.” Ianto offered as he leaned back against the wall

They stared at him, “You’ve actually done that?”

He scoffed, “Don’t be daft, but I know someone who has.” Owen, he grinned

“Do tell?” Alicia pulled her knees up to her chest and smiled wickedly. The young Welshman relaxed in the company of his friends and vowed silently to keep in touch this time. When he’d joined Torchwood he’d severed his ties in an attempt to keep them safe, now they were on the other side of the line though…

He glanced at his watch and realised that over an hour had passed. Standing up he apologised to the others and promised to email them, before going off in search of the mysterious Jane Doe. He started in the conference room, which was empty, and then headed for her office the other end of the corridor. When he got there he pushed the door open gently and was surprised by what he saw. Jane was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands and her shoulders hunched. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and curled slightly around her face and she’d changed the stark white blouse for a soft, pink sweater. She looked so young and so vulnerable that his heart bled for her. She was far too young to carry the weight of an organisation like this; even Jack was too young for that weight. He took the opportunity to look round the room, which had once belonged to the head researcher. Back then it had had bits of alien technology and books of essays on the bookshelves, potted plants in the corners and photos of his wife, their three children and their first grandchild on the desk. Now the bookshelves were full of science-fiction novels, the corner held a table with a lava lamp and the walls had posters of classic rock bands, but there were no photos; no sign that the girl behind the desk had any sort of family or friends.

She didn’t seem to have noticed his arrival, so he moved around silently and rested a hand gently on her shoulder, which made her jump in shock. “Sorry, Ianto. I thought you’d gone home, I was just…”

He smiled and pulled away again, shaking his head as he did so, “Are you alright?” he asked worriedly

“Yeah, just one of those days, you know? When the moment you wake up you want it to be over.” They shared a smile, oh he knew those days well, “Anyway, I wanted to show you this before anyone else because, well, it will mean more to you than most.” She stood up and led the way to the lift, then pressed the button for the top floor.

As he followed her, Ianto realised that they were going to the void room, where the Ghost Shift had been operated from. The last time he had been here it had been a mess, desks and paper all over the place, bodies… He shut that thought down hurriedly and looked around now. The room had been emptied, like most of the other rooms, but it hadn’t been refilled with cabinets or servers like the others. It was just a wide empty space. In the next room, where there had been empty space to operate the shift there was instead a sculpture, like a fountain but with a cascade of glass. The walls had been painted black, with white or silver engraving all over. As he went forwards to look at the sculpture, Jane pressed a button on a remote and the main lights went out, to be replaced by rainbow faceted light coming from inside the fountain and splintering through the glass. “It’s beautiful.” He whispered, feeling like he was in some sacred, hallowed place.

Jane didn’t seem to be listening though, instead she was staring at the engraving on the wall, which were now glowing dimly in the light from the fountain. “We don’t know what this metal is, it was found under the Yucatan Peninsula and is believed to have come from the meteorite which killed the dinosaurs. It doesn’t reflect visible light, so there’s ultra-violet light in with the colours in the fountain. The effect is quite extraordinary, don’t you think?” her voice was sad, so he came to her shoulder and studied the engravings. He felt her take his hand and looked at her briefly, aware that the shock must be showing on his face and determined not to let her see his tears. She squeezed his hand as he looked back at the name in front of him, “I wanted to do something to remember them, the people who gave their lives to defend us. And one day, I hope, everyone will be able to come in here and remember them. Lest we forget.”

He raised his free hand and traced her name with the tip of his finger; his voice was barely a whisper, “Lisa.”He