Isn't Worth Living: Chapter 3

[galadriel1010]

Woop, yet another chapter which I had exactly planned which didn't go exactly to plan. I hope you enjoy and like what I've done with the place. Please give me feedback, cos I'm a little fish swimming in a sea of madness and I'm not sure that I'm going in the right direction. I think I'm heading towards the end of the story but beyond that... Who knows? So feedback on it would be extremely helpful.

I think I should point out my general time frame for this. I think that the Battle of Canary Wharf was between the Christmas with the Sycorax and the Christmas with Astrid, and as one Christmas is before the battle and one is after Jack leaves, that leaves only one left to be the setting for Out of Time, which is the one with Donna. As a couple of months have passed since the Doctor and Rose were on Earth last in Love and Monsters, which also appears to be set a couple of months after their last visit for Christmas, so call it five months in total, putting that in May. That leaves us with a total of seven months maximum before Out of Time, possibly less. There are three months between Everything Changes and They Keep Killing Suzie, but we also need to leave time for Ianto to have got settled in before Gwen. As good as he is, I'm going to have him there by the start of June, settled in for Gwen's arrival (and with Myfanwy settled in and accustomed to Suzie) by the end of August, so she starts there at the start of September. This sets TKKS at the start of November (call it the 1st, 'cos it's my best friend's birthday) and gives us two months for Random Shoes before Out of Time (hey, we like to fit our own adventures with them in there too!) This means that by the time this is set (about a week after One Week finishes), Lisa has been dead two weeksish or a maximum of seven months, counting from Cyberwoman or the Battle respectively, call it five and a half to fit stuff around it

To summarise, this is set five and a half months after the Battle of Canary Wharf and only two after Cyberwoman.

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Ianto straightened his tie nervously and got out of the car. He leant against it to take in the sight of the place where he had worked for four years, the place where everything he had dreamt of had come crashing down around him and he had been shown wonders beyond his wildest dreams. Here he’d fallen in love, learnt about the mysteries of the universe, found himself, lost everything else and ended up in a world that would never let him go. And now, less than a year later, he was back here for someone else. Funny old world.

He glanced at his watch and noted that he was about ten minutes early, but headed in anyway. Someone would be there at this time, and it might give him a chance to pry. Jack had told him what they needed to know, how best to approach it, what to do should the Doctor appear. Ianto felt ready for what was practically his first field mission for Torchwood 3. Pushing through the revolving doors he flashed his ID at a UNIT security guard and made his way to the counter to wait. He used the time to survey the room and its few occupants. As well as the security guard and his partner there were two UNIT representatives whose ID badges identified them as Colonel Mace and S Jones conversing in a corner, a middle aged woman with auburn hair who smiled at him nervously and clutched her handbag tightly and a young, frazzled looking woman who was being harassed by a government official.

Pretending to be moving to study a pile of leaflets he moved closer to be able to hear their conversation.

“Look, Office Monkey, get these files sorted. I don’t care if the Queen of England is coming today, these files need filing and I’m not sticking around to do it. I’m going to report you to your superior. You think you’re so clever because you work for the high and mighty Torchwood, but Torchwood is nothing now, just a washed out filing system and I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with it.”

She took the files from him and set them on the counter before leaning back on it to regard him carefully, “I think you’ll find that my only immediate superior is the Queen of England.” He smirked more broadly but slightly nervously, “And possibly the head of UNIT or the UN, but officially I can ignore anything they say to me. My name is Jane Doe and I run this washed out government filing cabinet, which from here on in will be working tirelessly to protect you and your family so I suggest that you leave now and send someone with some manners in future.”

He bristled and Ianto knew that he wasn’t the only one tuned into the conversation now, “Are you threatening me girl?”

That was a mistake, Doe stood upright and advanced on him, “No, I was just pointing out how important my job is compared to yours, and how little time I have to waste on you.” He flinched back, then turned on his heel and walked out through the revolving door. The guards and UNIT representatives relaxed visibly.

Ianto took a moment to study Miss Jane Doe. She was quite a bit shorter than he was, five foot seven at a guess, although the high heels could put him out by an inch or more. He guessed that she was probably in her late teens or early twenties, probably the former, picked straight from Sixth Form, degrees weren’t much use at Torchwood after all. She wore a black skirt with a white blouse, black Mary-Janes and a bright blue scarf, which matched the blue streaks in her hair but, interestingly enough, not the rainbow striped pencil holding it up in a tight bun. Her eyes were brilliant blue and reminded him of Jack’s, especially the way they were currently blazing with anger. After a moment the fire left her eyes and she sighed, relaxing her tense shoulders and shaking her head slightly. As though oblivious to the people watching her, she turned back to the files and flipped through them before slipping behind the desk and filing them neatly in the cabinets behind there. She did something at the computers and then looked up properly, smiling as she met his eyes for the first time across the counter, “Government officials, eh? Their department is always the most important.” He offered.

She laughed and it was a beautiful sound, full of vitality and the joy of youth, a sound he’d long since lost to Torchwood, Ianto dreaded the day when it happened to her too, “Yeah, tell me about it. And I have the extraordinary good luck to work just around the corner from them. At least you’re in Cardiff, most of them wouldn’t notice if it just ceased to exist entirely.”

His face must have been a picture of astonishment but he tried to cover it, “You sound like a Welshman, except for the northern accent. Where are you from?”

Jane winked at him as she came around the desk and extended a hand, which he took almost nervously, she was so full of confidence, “Apart from the accent, which kind of gives the game away as we have only one Welshman coming today, it’s on your name-tag…”

He blushed and rolled his eyes, “I always forget the little details.”

“Really?” she’d raised an eyebrow and clearly didn’t believe him

“Well, no. Not normally. I guess today’s an exception.”

“We’ll make exceptions for you today, it must be hard. I’m sorry about Lisa, it must be hard to lose someone like that, especially after you fought so hard to save her.” He knew he was gaping now, but he couldn’t help it, part of him was angry too, “I’m sorry I read the report, I know it’s none of my business, but after what happened here, I decided to find out everything I could about the cybermen. When the report came through the computer picked it out. Captain Harkness is a good man.” She looked decidedly uncomfortable, “I wish I had a boss like him to look up to at the moment, but like I say; there’s only her Majesty above me.” She shrugged, “Don’t worry, I’m going to leave well alone in Cardiff. They say these days that free radicals are good for us.” A half smile ghosted across her young face and he returned it tensely but was extremely relieved when the auburn haired woman came across to them to introduce herself as Sarah-Jane Smith, an investigative journalist. Jane immediately launched into a discussion about the Doctor and Ianto reflected that staying ahead of her would be hard work if she chose to interfere.

Within a very short while the foyer had filled up with people of all nationalities and a huge variety of uniforms. As well as UNIT people from around the world he recognised the uniform of Liberty Towers, the pro-Doctor American equivalent of Torchwood, a few former companions of the Doctor, some of his old friends from Torchwatch and a couple from Australia. They really were keen for the whole world to see. He was just about to go over to speak to Mark, a friend from Torchwatch when he saw Doe approaching him through the crowd. She flashed him a bright but brittle smile as she arrived and laid a hand on his arm, having to stand on tip-toes to reach his ear and make herself heard over the noise of the other guests, “Ianto, whilst I remember, will you stay behind after the meeting. It won’t last long, but there’s something I want to show you in private.” She looked nervous, so he nodded silently but his throat was dry, he had no idea what she wanted and the idea of being alone with her made him nervous. Which was frankly ridiculous. She was just a kid, definitely younger than him, extremely attractive, very intelligent and running a secret organisation which dealt with aliens. She knew about Lisa, she knew what should have been done, would he ever make it home?

He banished the thoughts from his mind when he caught sight of her relieved smile and managed a smile in return; she turned and headed for the staircase where she ascended a couple of steps and clapped her hands, catching everyone’s attention to inform them that the meeting would be taking place in a conference room on the next floor, if they would care to follow her?

They followed her up the wide staircase to a long corridor that he knew ever so well. Leading off it were large rooms, which had been the research labs. Judging by the signs over the doors now they were archiving rooms organised by some numerical system. He couldn’t deny it, although Owen would laugh at him for weeks about it, he was extremely interested. He’d never yet found a system apart from alphabetical that worked properly.

At the end of the corridor a large presentation room had been turned into a conference room with a long, glass topped table in the middle and a projection screen at one end. In front of every seat along the table were a file and a pad of A4 paper with a plain black pen. No flashy logos here. Doe caught his eye and grinned, either she was a mind reader or she’d noticed the puzzled glance at the pen, because he knew that that’s what she was laughing at. There didn’t seem to be set seats, apart from five at the head of the table, so he sat down between Sarah Jane Smith and Sally Jones of UNIT and watched Miss Jane Doe carefully. She had one eyebrow raised in amusement and seemed to be studying the arrangement in the same way that he was studying her. Once everyone had sat down she picked up her pen and span it between her fingers almost nervously, then flicked a loose strand of hair away from her face and smiled brightly.

“Thank you all for coming today. I know that today is the last thing many of you wanted to see, some more than others, so I’m extremely grateful to you all. I also know that some of you have had…” she rolled her eyes and puffed her cheeks out, “let’s call them problems, with our recruitment procedure. I assure you that I wasn’t aware of the messages being sent until I got a less than polite letter from Captain Harkness telling me to leave his team alone.” Ianto fought the blush and smiled shyly at her in response to a similar one, Jack had that effect on people, “Anyway.” She glared at the ceiling for a moment and then looked back down, “There will be no more of that, although any applications to transfer here will be given thorough consideration if anyone ever wants a bit of peace and quiet or a period of convalescence. The Torchwood Archive is purely that, a great big filing cabinet for anything extraterrestrial. As you are probably aware, we have the remaining files from Torchwood 1 and copies of all the computerised files in your archives. What this means is that access to these files will be considerably sped up, because not only are they all in the same place but they will also be better organised.” Well, and here she grinned at his, again! “In some cases at least. Basically, my team spend their lives putting together the tiny-huge things in your reports which will only make sense when coupled with a similarly tiny thing in someone else’s report and which will make someone’s job much, much easier in the future.”

She looked at the ceiling again as if searching for inspiration, then stared at the surface of the table for a moment, “Sorry, I seem to have deviated a bit there. My next point should have been introductions.” After a rapid whirl round the table, Ianto realised that his old friends hadn’t yet been accounted for and were looking rather smug. Also that they hadn’t recognised him until she introduced him, he felt rather miffed. “Which leads me back to the top of the table,” she was saying, “and Torchwatch, or the surviving members of it. Normally conspiracy theorists are the bane of our lives, digging where we don’t want them to, putting half the information together and still getting the right answer, hacking into things and changing our passwords or blowing up Number Ten. And Torchwatch are, without a doubt, the most annoying. The late, great Mickey Smith was with them for a while and caused more trouble than we could possibly have imagined, as was Ianto over there.” Seriously, did she fancy him or something? “So I did the only sensible thing. Once they’d crashed my systems twice in one day, I Rick-rolled their computers and hired them. Allow me to introduce my team: Mark Bond, Alicia Devon, Hannah Trigg and Lucy Trigg.” The team now grinned broadly at the looks of stupefaction from around the table and Mark caught his eye, sending him an exaggerated wink. All Ianto could think was that this woman was brilliant, the organisations had been hand-picking their agents from them for years, but they’d never just hired a full team. It was either brilliance or stupidity.

Several hours later and they had returned to the conference room after a tour of the archives and the rest of the facility and even Ianto’s hand was full of the information they’d been given. He looked up from the notes he’d made when someone set a cup of coffee down in front of him. Smiling gratefully he took a nervous sip and discovered that, whilst it wasn’t up to his standard, it was a decent cup of coffee. He leant back and looked around the room again, watching as small groups formed to discuss the day’s events. Doe was circulating again, saying goodbye to a group who had to leave to catch their flight home, giving instructions to her team, exchanging email addresses with one of the UNIT guards and annoying Colonel Mace enormously. He didn’t know anything about her, had only just met her, didn’t even know if he could trust her, but Ianto knew that he liked her.

He drank some more of his coffee and watched more people depart, then felt a hand on his shoulder. Spinning round, he found himself face to face with Mark and Hannah and grinned, “So you two finally got together then? Congratulations.” They laughed and dragged him off to one of the side rooms where the old team were gathered cross-legged on the floor, just like the old days.

“Bloody Hell Yan, you mean you actually got in? When?” Lucy laughed as she tugged him down.

“About five years ago now, about the time I disappeared from meetings.”

“And we thought you’d found someone.” Mark mused, wrapping an arm around Hannah, but he saw the look crossing Ianto’s face and grew concerned, “What’s up?”

Ianto shook himself, “I did, she got me a job there.”

“Oh God.” Alicia paled and put her hands over her mouth, “The Battle?” he nodded silently, memories threatening to overwhelm him. He needed Jack to hold him and tell him everything was alright, but Jack was a good two hours drive away, “I’m so sorry Yan.”

“Yeah, well…” he sighed heavily, “that’s Torchwood. I hope you lot know what you’re getting yourselves in to.”

“Oh come on Yan, you know what happened to LINDA, and Colin.” They nodded, “We’re safer in here than we are outside. As soon as we poke our noses in it’s curtains. And we’re safe here, except from papercuts.”

“Yeah, the papercuts are a nightmare.”

“Don’t forget shutting your fingers in the filing cabinets or burning yourself on the coffee machine.” Ianto offered as he leaned back against the wall

They stared at him, “You’ve actually done that?”

He scoffed, “Don’t be daft, but I know someone who has.” Owen, he grinned

“Do tell?” Alicia pulled her knees up to her chest and smiled wickedly. The young Welshman relaxed in the company of his friends and vowed silently to keep in touch this time. When he’d joined Torchwood he’d severed his ties in an attempt to keep them safe, now they were on the other side of the line though…

He glanced at his watch and realised that over an hour had passed. Standing up he apologised to the others and promised to email them, before going off in search of the mysterious Jane Doe. He started in the conference room, which was empty, and then headed for her office the other end of the corridor. When he got there he pushed the door open gently and was surprised by what he saw. Jane was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands and her shoulders hunched. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and curled slightly around her face and she’d changed the stark white blouse for a soft, pink sweater. She looked so young and so vulnerable that his heart bled for her. She was far too young to carry the weight of an organisation like this; even Jack was too young for that weight. He took the opportunity to look round the room, which had once belonged to the head researcher. Back then it had had bits of alien technology and books of essays on the bookshelves, potted plants in the corners and photos of his wife, their three children and their first grandchild on the desk. Now the bookshelves were full of science-fiction novels, the corner held a table with a lava lamp and the walls had posters of classic rock bands, but there were no photos; no sign that the girl behind the desk had any sort of family or friends.

She didn’t seem to have noticed his arrival, so he moved around silently and rested a hand gently on her shoulder, which made her jump in shock. “Sorry, Ianto. I thought you’d gone home, I was just…”

He smiled and pulled away again, shaking his head as he did so, “Are you alright?” he asked worriedly

“Yeah, just one of those days, you know? When the moment you wake up you want it to be over.” They shared a smile, oh he knew those days well, “Anyway, I wanted to show you this before anyone else because, well, it will mean more to you than most.” She stood up and led the way to the lift, then pressed the button for the top floor.

As he followed her, Ianto realised that they were going to the void room, where the Ghost Shift had been operated from. The last time he had been here it had been a mess, desks and paper all over the place, bodies… He shut that thought down hurriedly and looked around now. The room had been emptied, like most of the other rooms, but it hadn’t been refilled with cabinets or servers like the others. It was just a wide empty space. In the next room, where there had been empty space to operate the shift there was instead a sculpture, like a fountain but with a cascade of glass. The walls had been painted black, with white or silver engraving all over. As he went forwards to look at the sculpture, Jane pressed a button on a remote and the main lights went out, to be replaced by rainbow faceted light coming from inside the fountain and splintering through the glass. “It’s beautiful.” He whispered, feeling like he was in some sacred, hallowed place.

Jane didn’t seem to be listening though, instead she was staring at the engraving on the wall, which were now glowing dimly in the light from the fountain. “We don’t know what this metal is, it was found under the Yucatan Peninsula and is believed to have come from the meteorite which killed the dinosaurs. It doesn’t reflect visible light, so there’s ultra-violet light in with the colours in the fountain. The effect is quite extraordinary, don’t you think?” her voice was sad, so he came to her shoulder and studied the engravings. He felt her take his hand and looked at her briefly, aware that the shock must be showing on his face and determined not to let her see his tears. She squeezed his hand as he looked back at the name in front of him, “I wanted to do something to remember them, the people who gave their lives to defend us. And one day, I hope, everyone will be able to come in here and remember them. Lest we forget.”

He raised his free hand and traced her name with the tip of his finger; his voice was barely a whisper, “Lisa.”He