NaNoWriMo day 7

[galadriel1010]

I am so behind. I've just broken 10k, and Lucy finished her 50k hours ago. I feel so bad. I've done NaNo 6 times and only won twice, and I feel another failure coming on. I'm running out of plot, although I have just switched to the character who actually uses words, and there's too much sex and it's probably hideously offensive and I want to curl up and cry.

Have I mentioned that I'm doing the mood swing thing at the moment?

Well I am.

Today I have written:
1. A 2 page ramble about how I feel about each of the characters in Torchwood which included some Gwen bashing and an extended metaphor about how Jack weathers grief/natural disasters, depending on whether you're inside the metaphor or not, and why Ianto is important. I like the metaphor. It made me feel happy and fluffy, and I intend to turn it into a story.
The Gwen bashing, not so much. I still dislike her, and I feel bad for it but... My worst nightmare, pretty much (apart from that weird one last night that involved a shower in the library and being dumped by a guy with really hairy legs who didn't want me to give him a blowjob) is having to work with someone like Gwen. It all depends on whether you'd be able to cope with her in real life, I think.
Actually, I think I'm wrong about my worst nightmare. My absolute worst nightmare is finding out that people think I'm like Gwen. She's everything I try not to be.

2. A new chapter of Bring Him Home, which actually features the bringing him home bit of the plot. I wasn't going to look at that side, because I couldn't work out where he was, but then I came up with this awesome plot. It's so cool that I think I want to use it as an original fiction, but it's gruesome and involves child sacrifice, so it might have to stay in its fanfiction casing and brush over the icky bits.
I was feeling bad about Bring Him Home, because people don't seem to be reading it. I mean, I enjoy writing it, but I'm happy having stories for me in my head and not writing them down. It's all I ever seem to do, after all. But I will persist and get to the end of the story.

3. 1411 words of my NaNoWriMo. I went back and edited and put in a scene that explains why that MC is leaving his home to go to London. I really love his ex boyfriend, because he's quiet and sarcastic and still warm, and his partner is fairly high camp, and they just compliment each other so well. Unfortunately, the story is not about them at all.
I've just switched to the other MC, who introduced himself to the story by getting to his knees in front of a girl he just met and eating her out in the smoking shed because she told him to, basically. See what i mean when I say there's too much sex? Mmhm.

4. This.

And this is why I'm behind, because I keep writing venty stuff that I shouldn't write, and I have to keep up with fanfiction to keep posting it daily, and I couldn't do that for NaNo because I did it every day in October so it's not a challenge.

I need to read something awesome. Archer Road Bridge is tempting...

Also, I seem to be the only person playing in TorchwoodFamily =[ This always seems to happen to me, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But I suck at asking for help so... help?
It always makes me feel pathetic, whiny and needy if I ask someone for help, and that there are much more important or interesting things that they could be doing than helping me. Even if it's their job to help me. I don't think I could ever go to a counsellor, even though there are times when I probably should, because I don't want to impose on them.

My head. I don't like being in it.

And the most annoying thing is that all of this will pass, pretty much. Well, apart from the not being able to ask for help, which has been a constant since forever. I'm moody and tearful and apathetic at the moment, and it'll pass. It might be a week, or it might be a year. I really hope it's the former, because I hate being like this.

This failed at being about NaNoWriMo, huh?

*Head meets desk* *Drags hand away from the delete button*
Take everything I said about not being able to ask for help and apply it to this post. I don't know what making myself post it instead of deleting it will help, but it might help something. I feel strongly enough about it to write it, so I should say it.

And now I am going to go back to drowning myself in cola and try to get up to date with my nano.

Oh, and I hate being in this weird timezone. I spend most of the day with no one on MSN to talk to.

Comments

[welsh-scotsman.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Don't feel bad about venting; it's good for the soul:P And you're doing the NaNo thing? Wow. I would never be able to write 50,000 in thiry days I'd have to write...*does mental maths..where's my calculator?*...1667 words a day. I take my hat off to you; it'd take me about a month to get the first day done:P

At least you are actually writing something and from what you've said; a lot! with your two page ramble of characters, I intend to write one of those these days but I get distracted...And you're writing chapters for your other stories and so on so thin kof the positives:D

I know exactly what you mean about asking for help; I've never been able to do it...at all. I think part of it is an ingrained psychological thing as I went to a really evil (in my opinion) school where they shouted at you if you asked for help and I think that's played a large sub conscious part in it. I have a beta but I still sometimes feel a bit weird about asking her even though she volunteered to help me but I can see where you're coming from:P

I joined your family community! I have a story called 'in sickness and in health' which is basically Iano coping with an abusive father and I'm halfway through the trial at the mo. Anyway, I post on wednesdays so if it's allowed, I'll post to your comm as well:P I agree with the other person; promote it to the other communities; particularly jackxianto and jantolution as they're two of the biggest.

[fiwen1010.livejournal.com]

Thanks hun :D
You know me, I never stop writing. I probably nearly managed 50k last month, but it's just slowed to a crawl this month. I got back up to total though!
Your story sounds awesome, and is definitely allowed. Otherwise I'm going to drown us all in fluff =D
Gxxx

[idamus.livejournal.com]

If you post a promotion in JxI or Jantolution you need to ask the mods first, they might delete the entry if you don't