Writing rant
Oct. 27th, 2010 08:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
galadriel1010Today is a day for Just A Mistake updating, and I'm still trying to figure out a way to post it all up here that isn't hideously antisocial (it's now 45 chapters long). So you get a rant about my worries about writing instead. Most of this is irrelevance and just me wanting to get it down on 'paper'. The rest is me not wanting to have an empty square on my calendarr.
Writing things that are worrying me at the moment
I want to turn professional. Can I do it? Am I good enough? Are the stories I want to tell interesting to anyone but me?
I'm not really in it for the writing, because I can do that in a darkened room and no one else has to know about it. Admittedly, it would be easier with the light on. It's not even for reviews, but for what the reviews say. I want to entertain people. I want to make them laugh and cry, fall in love with my characters and wish themselves into the plots. Some people are born to get up on stage. I don't think that those who are born to write are all that different, and I think I'm one of the latter. All my life I've had stories to tell, and the idea that I might not be able to is terrifying. The idea of getting stuck in an office job that sucks them out of me is even worse.
Sometimes I worry about whether I'm good enough to carry it off, but not as often as I used to. I'm past the stage of reading through lists of what people do wrong in manuscripts and running away scared, although not past the stage where I wonder if not being scared is just vanity. Positivity is where it's at. I never do anything more than proof read my fanfictions, and they're still well received, so I like to think that I could be even better with actual editing.
I am drowning in plots. Some of these are sort of at odds with each other. Like the YA novels about childhood on a human colony, out on the edges of the empire, which I would love to see turn into something Harry Potter-esque (who wouldn't, though? I'd even encourage the My Immortals if kids were inspired by it enough to write). Unfortunately, there's also a series about freedom fighters/terrorist, where the main characters are in a dark and twisted D/S relationship and blow things up. Including people. I'm getting a feeling that getting both of these stories made would be problematic if I used the same name.
I'm still fighting with the one about Ianto being targeted by Jack's ex. Using an STI is going to be controversial, and I know there's many reasons I should use poison, or something else. But.
But I can't make it sit right in my head that she'd use anything else. (She's changed genders whilst I've been thinking about it). Yes, using a slow-acting poison would have the same effect illness-wise, and would produce the same outcome. But it's all about sex. She thinks that she and Jack had the perfect relationship, in a culture where relationships come with contracts which are held as sacred. Jack broke the contract, but she can't bring herself to believe that it was his fault. So it must be Ianto's fault. Ianto is a homewrecker, who sleeps with people who are in contracted relationships and steals them away. He's a slut, basically. (With the caveat that this is in the slightly unbalanced mind of Jack's ex, who isn't well herself.) She could poison him, sure. But if she just wants to kill him, then it's going to be quick, and no one will ever find the body, then she can win her Jack back and decide what to do with the children he had with the slut. It's not their fault, but they're damaged goods...
Which would sort of leave me without a plot, because as soon as she showed up saying that she'd killed Ianto and she and Jack could be together again, Jack would shoot her. Actually, I would have a plot, but it would be a very different plot, and it would involve two children who had just lost their tad in horrible circumstances at a very young age.
If it's a slow death, it's making a point. It's a punishment for something. It's a punishment for breaking a contract. A sexual contract.
What would you do if you were slightly deranged?
And this is all part of the story, coming to understand the world view that she holds, and the slightly cracked mirror she's looking at it in, and the fact that this is a very different culture where who you sleep with in itself isn't an issue, but monogamous relationships are not the norm, and are therefore even more ritualised and contractualised. Along with, of course, the whole 'Ianto is dying of something horrible and incurable and his family have to come to terms with it. Then Jack demands that the Doctor give him a chance at what he needs more than anything else, which is someone who can and will love him forever and the family and Ianto have to make a decision and come to terms with Ianto accepting his immortality, whilst aware that it might not work'.
So that's that story, which is currently my biggest worry. Once I have this NaNo novel out of the way and start planning sequels I can start worrying about presenting a D/S relationship which doesn't involve sex, as opposed to the clumsy dominance and dubiously-consensual-at-best sex that happens in the first book.
Oh, now I'm worried about my NaNo novel.
It'll be fine, though. I have to write it too fast to worry about it.
I'm also slightly worried that I'm going to get kidnapped and murdered when I go travelling. It's not a big worry, because it's not a risk, but I'm going to write a one-chapter conclusion for all of my ongoing stories and email it to Lizzy, so that she can upload that if I die.
I have had new plots attack me since I last summarised! They are:
Vampires in York. Good vampires (who seduce their dinners and engage them in completely consensual sex and sucking, and do not infect them) and Evil vampires (who make people disappear and keep them as sex and food slaves until they basically give up and die). And there's a young girl who's new to York and gets drawn into the harem of a lovely vampire guy, and sort of draws her boyfriend in behind her, but he gets captivated and captured by one of the evil vampires and they have to rescue him, but the girl gets turned in the process and leaves him because she's now immortal and she can't go to university or anything like that.
Pregnant man He's actually the first fully fertile XXY true hermaphrodite, but he appears to be a man and identifies as male. He's a man until you get him in bed, and then it's just double the fun. And then he gets pregnant. And there's this whole complicated love triangle going on with two pregnant people (the other's a real girl) and a guy, who is either very camp and a bigger drama queen than either of the expecting... parents, or totally down to earth and very scared by it all. Or both, he could have multiple personalities. And, of course, it's a media circus.
And another thing!
I worry that people are going to be offended by the use of stereotypes I throw in now and again. Mostly I don't care, because that's how people think; we use stereotypes to frame our view of the world and make it easier to predict because they're right surprisingly often. So there's comments about it being drab all the time in Wales, and how women are hormonal and twitchy, and blondes can have their dumb moments, and gay men can be a bit overly dramatic sometimes, but are good at clothes...
It's always from a character's POV, either in dialogue or in thoughts, and no one's yet complained. But every time I do it, I worry that I'm going to get into an argument about it.
The thing is, I don't see this as a bad thing. A lot of my humour and the humour I grew up with is framed in stereotypes, with the understanding that they aren't always right. It is funny when someone drops perfectly into the box. So when I do something stupid, I explain that hair dye is no substitute for actual intelligence. When someone asks if I'm cold, I tell them I'm from Yorkshire and made of tougher stuff. When I'm encountered with something in a language I don't speak, I flail and explain that I'm English, I don't speak languages. When my brother prepares to throw my phone to me and my cousin's husband says that girls can't catch, I point out that gay women can catch... and drop the phone. (It was an interesting way to come out). I would never do it with someone who doesn't get that I'm joking (but I'll happily do it to someone who just doesn't understand the joke).
...
Myep, think I'm done.
Writing things that are worrying me at the moment
I want to turn professional. Can I do it? Am I good enough? Are the stories I want to tell interesting to anyone but me?
I'm not really in it for the writing, because I can do that in a darkened room and no one else has to know about it. Admittedly, it would be easier with the light on. It's not even for reviews, but for what the reviews say. I want to entertain people. I want to make them laugh and cry, fall in love with my characters and wish themselves into the plots. Some people are born to get up on stage. I don't think that those who are born to write are all that different, and I think I'm one of the latter. All my life I've had stories to tell, and the idea that I might not be able to is terrifying. The idea of getting stuck in an office job that sucks them out of me is even worse.
Sometimes I worry about whether I'm good enough to carry it off, but not as often as I used to. I'm past the stage of reading through lists of what people do wrong in manuscripts and running away scared, although not past the stage where I wonder if not being scared is just vanity. Positivity is where it's at. I never do anything more than proof read my fanfictions, and they're still well received, so I like to think that I could be even better with actual editing.
I am drowning in plots. Some of these are sort of at odds with each other. Like the YA novels about childhood on a human colony, out on the edges of the empire, which I would love to see turn into something Harry Potter-esque (who wouldn't, though? I'd even encourage the My Immortals if kids were inspired by it enough to write). Unfortunately, there's also a series about freedom fighters/terrorist, where the main characters are in a dark and twisted D/S relationship and blow things up. Including people. I'm getting a feeling that getting both of these stories made would be problematic if I used the same name.
I'm still fighting with the one about Ianto being targeted by Jack's ex. Using an STI is going to be controversial, and I know there's many reasons I should use poison, or something else. But.
But I can't make it sit right in my head that she'd use anything else. (She's changed genders whilst I've been thinking about it). Yes, using a slow-acting poison would have the same effect illness-wise, and would produce the same outcome. But it's all about sex. She thinks that she and Jack had the perfect relationship, in a culture where relationships come with contracts which are held as sacred. Jack broke the contract, but she can't bring herself to believe that it was his fault. So it must be Ianto's fault. Ianto is a homewrecker, who sleeps with people who are in contracted relationships and steals them away. He's a slut, basically. (With the caveat that this is in the slightly unbalanced mind of Jack's ex, who isn't well herself.) She could poison him, sure. But if she just wants to kill him, then it's going to be quick, and no one will ever find the body, then she can win her Jack back and decide what to do with the children he had with the slut. It's not their fault, but they're damaged goods...
Which would sort of leave me without a plot, because as soon as she showed up saying that she'd killed Ianto and she and Jack could be together again, Jack would shoot her. Actually, I would have a plot, but it would be a very different plot, and it would involve two children who had just lost their tad in horrible circumstances at a very young age.
If it's a slow death, it's making a point. It's a punishment for something. It's a punishment for breaking a contract. A sexual contract.
What would you do if you were slightly deranged?
And this is all part of the story, coming to understand the world view that she holds, and the slightly cracked mirror she's looking at it in, and the fact that this is a very different culture where who you sleep with in itself isn't an issue, but monogamous relationships are not the norm, and are therefore even more ritualised and contractualised. Along with, of course, the whole 'Ianto is dying of something horrible and incurable and his family have to come to terms with it. Then Jack demands that the Doctor give him a chance at what he needs more than anything else, which is someone who can and will love him forever and the family and Ianto have to make a decision and come to terms with Ianto accepting his immortality, whilst aware that it might not work'.
So that's that story, which is currently my biggest worry. Once I have this NaNo novel out of the way and start planning sequels I can start worrying about presenting a D/S relationship which doesn't involve sex, as opposed to the clumsy dominance and dubiously-consensual-at-best sex that happens in the first book.
Oh, now I'm worried about my NaNo novel.
It'll be fine, though. I have to write it too fast to worry about it.
I'm also slightly worried that I'm going to get kidnapped and murdered when I go travelling. It's not a big worry, because it's not a risk, but I'm going to write a one-chapter conclusion for all of my ongoing stories and email it to Lizzy, so that she can upload that if I die.
I have had new plots attack me since I last summarised! They are:
Vampires in York. Good vampires (who seduce their dinners and engage them in completely consensual sex and sucking, and do not infect them) and Evil vampires (who make people disappear and keep them as sex and food slaves until they basically give up and die). And there's a young girl who's new to York and gets drawn into the harem of a lovely vampire guy, and sort of draws her boyfriend in behind her, but he gets captivated and captured by one of the evil vampires and they have to rescue him, but the girl gets turned in the process and leaves him because she's now immortal and she can't go to university or anything like that.
Pregnant man He's actually the first fully fertile XXY true hermaphrodite, but he appears to be a man and identifies as male. He's a man until you get him in bed, and then it's just double the fun. And then he gets pregnant. And there's this whole complicated love triangle going on with two pregnant people (the other's a real girl) and a guy, who is either very camp and a bigger drama queen than either of the expecting... parents, or totally down to earth and very scared by it all. Or both, he could have multiple personalities. And, of course, it's a media circus.
And another thing!
I worry that people are going to be offended by the use of stereotypes I throw in now and again. Mostly I don't care, because that's how people think; we use stereotypes to frame our view of the world and make it easier to predict because they're right surprisingly often. So there's comments about it being drab all the time in Wales, and how women are hormonal and twitchy, and blondes can have their dumb moments, and gay men can be a bit overly dramatic sometimes, but are good at clothes...
It's always from a character's POV, either in dialogue or in thoughts, and no one's yet complained. But every time I do it, I worry that I'm going to get into an argument about it.
The thing is, I don't see this as a bad thing. A lot of my humour and the humour I grew up with is framed in stereotypes, with the understanding that they aren't always right. It is funny when someone drops perfectly into the box. So when I do something stupid, I explain that hair dye is no substitute for actual intelligence. When someone asks if I'm cold, I tell them I'm from Yorkshire and made of tougher stuff. When I'm encountered with something in a language I don't speak, I flail and explain that I'm English, I don't speak languages. When my brother prepares to throw my phone to me and my cousin's husband says that girls can't catch, I point out that gay women can catch... and drop the phone. (It was an interesting way to come out). I would never do it with someone who doesn't get that I'm joking (but I'll happily do it to someone who just doesn't understand the joke).
...
Myep, think I'm done.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 11:02 pm (UTC)With that as an example, you have plenty of time to write your stories. You just need to face them down one at a time.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 08:17 am (UTC)I couldn't plan that far in advance at all. I'm defintiely developing a wishlist though lol
Gxxx
no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 11:19 pm (UTC)When it comes to your plots... ideas are good. and crazy ideas that involve things that people may not "approve" of... who the eff cares. cause sometimes, it needs to be written. and sometimes they're wonderful... and sometimes they're not.
I would love to read the one where Jack's ex comes back. soemtimes angst and depression is good. And soemtimes, doing somethign that people don't expect... or doing something that goes way against the grain is a good idea. hell, sometimes doing things that are taboo is ok too. You shouldn't be afraid to write what you feel you need/want to write. if people don't approve, then they can sod off.
Stereotypes are sterotypes for a reason. They're there to be used...
i know that in situations like this, people have a tendency to try to be placating or try to tell you what you want to hear... i dont want to do that.
i think that if writing is something that you feel you need to do, then go for it! i'm 28 years old and realizing that i've wasted my life doing bs because i thought thats what i should be doing. but as it turns out... you need to d o what you'll enjoy. because its the thing you'll be doing for your life. don't do something that you'll hate. there's no point. writing is a thing that yo uare good at. have you ever sent anything to a pubisher? maybe you should try? see what they say... or find a professor at uni or something and let them read some of your stuff and get ideas?
i'll probably have more for you later, but for now.. this is what ive got. my pearls of wisdom...
just... don't not do something because you're afraid. you'll regret it in the end. i certainly do. heh, learn from my experience.
also, love you hun. please... if you need to talk about it... let me know. i'll msg you with my phone nbr even. hell, i dont care that we're like 12 hours apart. *cuddles and squishes* good luck with figuring it out. :)
no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 10:40 am (UTC)Remind me what messenger you use again? I'm hopeless at remembering these...
Rxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 10:44 am (UTC)Mine currently consists of "The fellowship try to get to
Mount Doomthe alien spaceship but..." and I can't remember the rest because I need to find a transcript of TTT and write it during November because I'm travelling in December.And thanks hun! If I can get everyone I talk to regularly on the internet to buy my first book then I'll be set lol.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 04:20 pm (UTC)That is exactly how I feel. Really, I can understand you so well. I was experimenting with screenwriting and now I'm stuck with the wish to become a screenwriter for a tv-show. I even have two tv-shows I could write. It's all in my head. I could write it, no problem at all. But I'm a bit scared what happens then. If I get rejected or if someone wants it but with me no longer in the picture. I couldn't abandon my babies. So, I don't write it at all and it just keeps poking me in the back with a knife. And I'm damn scared that I'll end up in some office job I hate even though I had the chance to be what I want to be.
I wouldn't be too worried abou the STI. If you want to use it, you should. You'll put a warning into your header and whoever wants to read it, will. It's controversal and you'll have to pay attention to how you'll build the plot but I think that being controversal can be a good thing.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-04 10:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-04 11:11 pm (UTC)I've read two stories where Ianto is HIV+ I think. One of them has that gorgeous scene where Jack decorates his office with condoms...
I keep being tempted to let it become my NaNo, because I know I could get the words out faster.