galadriel1010 | Late Night Loss Chapter 9 (Reply)

Jack stepped out into his living room and stared around. He hadn’t been back since Ianto had disappeared, and it still felt like he could walk back in at any minute. This was why he hadn’t been home, it was too familiar, too Ianto; his fierce grip on his composure was slipping away just because he was here and Ianto wasn’t.

The difference from when he moved in was huge. The house had been stark, but not clinical, largely unused and just waiting to be lived in; neutral colours were predominant, with some pictures of Ianto’s family (he’d got rid of any pictures of Lisa by the time Jack moved in) scattered around artistically. Many people thought that Ianto had OCD, but Jack knew that he just enjoyed tidying, he found it therapeutic. Jack, on the other hand, liked clutter, trinkets and memories. Between them they’d turned this space, their space, into a home rather than just a house. More photos of Ianto’s family, the Torchwood family and especially the two of them were arranged neatly around the walls, book cases and on the sideboard; a hanging montage showed a selection of photos from their honeymoon travelling across the USA. The armchair was full of their two cats, wrapped around each other and eyeing him lazily. A brightly striped notebook cast on the sofa indicated that their teenaged neighbour Alexa, or Lexy to anyone who didn’t want to annoy her, had been round to look after them like she usually did. He picked up the book and weighed it in his hand, watching the cats with mild distrust, and slipped round to Lexy’s house to return it to her.

Through the frosted glass he saw her flaming red curls bouncing towards him and he managed a small smile, but it seemed to have had little effect as she gaped at him in horror, “God Jack, what’s happened? I mean, I knew you’d not been around. It’s not Ianto, is it?”

He swallowed hard, “Yes, Ianto’s… It’s something to do with work, we’ve lost him, I’ve lost him…”

She paled and covered her mouth with a shaking hand, “Oh God, you don’t mean…”

“Not lost.” He corrected hurriedly, “Just… Temporarily misplaced; I hope.”

She nodded, “I hope so too. What are you… Are you staying at that Hub of yours for the moment?”

Jack cringed, “Yeah, I can’t stay here, not without him.”

“I understand, if you need anything just give me a bell, I’ll drop it by the TI office.”

“Thanks Lex, I’ll keep you posted. Oh, and your notebook.”

She blushed, “Thanks, I wondered where I’d put that.”

“I’ve got to get some stuff, I’ll see you…”

He went back to the house and went straight to the bedroom, forging himself to ignore the cold, empty bed and his shirt and braces dropped on his chair where he’d left them, going straight to the wardrobe to pull out a few shirts, cold and plain blues beside Ianto’s brighter pinks and reds, and some pairs of trousers. He put them in a bag and fought back tears as he prepared to leave, feeling an air of inevitability about the action. His eyes fell on the bookshelf and he was drawn to it, running his finger down the spine of Ianto’s copy of Lord of the Rings.

It was his last connection to his young lover, the last thing they knew he’d been doing before he disappeared. Impulsively he pulled it out and gripped it tightly for a moment before he pressed a kiss against the cover, willing it to reach Ianto wherever he was and however stupid that idea was; he felt tears dampening his cheeks and spilling onto the edges of the worn pages of the book as he inhaled the unmistakeable scent of old books, paper and ink, and underneath it all the smell of Ianto. He couldn’t leave it.

The immortal captain sank onto the bed with the book in his hands and cried, tears of desperation rolling unstoppable down his face. He set the books aside for the moment and fell back to lie flat on the bed, rolling over to press his face into the sheets on Ianto’s side of the bed, breathing in his scent and letting it overpower him. The pain was so intense, worse than anything he’s ever felt; he bunched his hands into fists and clutched at the sheets, sobbing brokenly. He needed to let it go, he needed this, he needed Ianto.

Eventually, after a long, long while, he registered a presence in the room with him. Rolling over slightly he cracked open an eye and was surprised to see John watching him with eyes full of concern and an air of resignation. Slightly embarrassed at having his former lover see him like that he sat up and brushed the tears off his face, biting down on anything further. The younger time agent merely sighed and came to sit on the end of the bed, fixing his eyes on a photo of the four of them, Jack and Ianto, John and Jasmine, taken at Jack and Ianto’s wedding, “You know, you don’t need to fake it in front of any of us, especially not me. We know you, and we know Ianto and we know how much he means to you; and, I guess… I’ve been there, I’ve sat where you are.”

Jack frowned in confusion, “What do you mean?”

He sighed again and smiled slightly at the photo, “I’ve had someone I was completely besotted with disappear in the middle of the night. I didn’t know where she’d gone, how she’d gone… I had an idea as to why she’d gone, but it wasn’t reassuring. I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again.”

“And did you?” He reached for the other man’s hand and John took it, squeezing it gently and reassuringly

“Yeah, I did, but it wasn’t… It wasn’t right, she still couldn’t stay with me.”

Jack followed his gaze and realisation dawned, “What happened, she never said?”

John looked up at him and smiled softly, “I really hope that that’s because she doesn’t know. We were being followed, she was being followed I guess. By her sister, who blamed her for her parents’ deaths. Princess…” He blushed at his old term of endearment for her, “I always used to call her that, Princess Jasmine, and I was Aladdin with his magic carpet. Well anyway, she knew that if she stayed with me then I’d get hurt, so in the middle of the night she left. I followed her, but I was too late in a way. She’d been tortured and abused and God only knows, so I killed her sister and took her away, but she’d lost everything. I had to take her to UNIT where they might be able to take care of her and go on without her.”

“And then…”

“And then Gray. And I found her again.” He met Jack’s eyes again and smiled, “You’ll find him, I know you will.”

The immortal closed his eyes against the burning tears and pulled John closer, drawing comfort from the younger man’s presence, “Thank you.” He managed to whisper.

“Let’s get back.” He suggested, “And see if the others know anything more.”

When they slipped into the TARDIS together there was only the Doctor waiting for them with John’s girlfriend. She extended a hand and John went to her silently, slipping his arm around her waist and encouraging her to lean into him, “Anyone got anything?”

Jack looked between them and read the resigned glances, “That much, huh?”

“Oh, too much.” The Doctor explained, “The walls of the dimensions are still stable, nothing come through from any recognised dimension…”

“But the library’s full of information and my God does it need organising.” Jazz shot the Doctor a dirty look, “I don’t think he’s ever been in there. But Martha, Mickey, Gwen, Rhys, Andy and Tom are going through it in search of anything. They’ve found something that might be relevant, but we’re going to have to compare notes.”

The immortal captain put his hands in his pockets and straightened up, trying to set the worried (screw that, he was terrified) boyfriend aside and become the head of Torchwood, the professional alien hunter who had seen stranger and more dangerous things so many times in his long life. “Back to the Hub then, we can use the boardroom and grab something to eat, and maybe do our jobs at the same time.”

Jazz nodded, responding to his professional attitude with one of her own, “John, go warn the others that we’re going to be on the move shortly; Jack, Doc, let’s get this show on the road.”

The ship ‘vworped’ back into this reality in the centre of the Hub and they piled out, Rhys and Tom going straight to the kitchen to put some food together. The team concentrated on putting together their findings into concise reports whilst Jack went to put his stuff in the bunker under his office. That was where the Doctor found him, flicking sadly through the book he’d brought from the house, “Hey,” the Timelord announced his presence with his head poking down through the hatch, “How you coping?”

Jack laughed mirthlessly and fingered the bookmark, a soft leather one with embossed knot work designs that Ianto had had as long as he’d known the young man, “You’re the Doctor, you’ve seen what I’m like. I’m up and down like the yo-yo I’ve always been, but in a different way. Some times I can detach myself completely from it and see it from the outside, but then there are times when I can’t even see, all I can feel is pain and fear…”

“You’re coping fairly normally there.” The Doctor reassured him, swinging down into the bunker to watch him more closely in the half-light, “No one expects you to be invincible Jack, we’re here for you. I’m here for you, you know that, right?”

“I…” He looked so lost, completely vulnerable, “I can’t break down, I just can’t.”

“Jack,” He sat down next to him, “Jack. I know I’ve not been the best person as far as you’re concerned, I just… I don’t really know what to do with you. And just put up with my waffling for the moment, because I’m still working through things in my mind. You don’t need me, not normally, you’re a better person than I am and I think you always have been, you just wouldn’t believe it; still won’t judging by the look on your face, but you are, you’re such a great person. I’ve never met anyone as essentially good as you, and I want you to know that, because in the words of a certain young lady of our mutual acquaintance, I’m a moron.”

Jack laughed at that, “Jazz certainly has a way with words.”

“Yeah,” the Doctor smiled wryly, “But she’s right, I’m an idiot and I shouldn’t have been scared of you.”

“About that… When you said I was wrong, am I ever going to be right?”

“You are, or you were. When you’re rooted, you’re not wrong… Am I making any sense?”

“You mean that as long as I’m with Ianto I’m OK?” He sighed sadly, “I thought it felt that way. How far off are we from that meeting?”

The Doctor realised the dismissal and wondered how badly the discussion had gone, and how it could possibly have gone worse, “Jazz said another quarter of an hour, that was about five minutes ago.”

“I’ll be up then, just give me a until then Doc.”

“Course.” He nodded and climbed the ladder again, sighing heavily once he was out of sight in Jack’s office. The desk in front of him was strewn with an ordered chaos of papers and files, photos stood in mismatched frames around, various shots of the Torchwood family in various states of concentration, hilarity and relaxation; most of the photos however were of Jack and a dark haired young man, love and security blazing from the frozen moments. The Doctor picked one of the photos up, their ‘official’ wedding photo and smiled at the recollection. There had been so many photos that day, but this one stood out because no one had notice it. The real official photos had been done and the happy couple had taken a couple of moments, falling behind everyone else just to be together quietly in a thoroughly and delightfully mad day; the photographer had caught the emotions they were sharing, both smiling, lips just touching, eyes locked together. It had all been so perfect.

Movement downstairs caught his attention and he almost fled to the main Hub to talk to Jasmine. She looked at him expectedly, “How is he?”

“You’re right, I’m a moron.”

The commander sighed, “No you’re not, you’re just not that good at people. Specifically Jack.” She rested a hand on his shoulder, “It’ll be alright.”

“I hope you’re right. Are we ready?”

”Yeah, just waiting for Jack now. I’ll go get him.”

Gwen took Rhys’s hand and held it on her lap under the table, not wanting to make a show of their relationship but needing the support. Everyone was there, apart from Jack, and they all had files of hastily scribbled notes and print outs in front of them.

The captain appeared in the doorway, his face carefully blank and Gwen shrank inside, squeezing Rhys’s hand tighter. Her boss sank into his traditional chair, the seat next to him depressingly empty, and looked to Jasmine, “Am I pulling rank Jack?” She asked softly

“No, not this time.” His face lit up suddenly, “You don’t need to, I’ve found him. I’ve found Ianto.”

Author's Note: Because I love cliffies