Late Night Loss Chapter 6

[galadriel1010]

The first twenty-four hours flew by in a haze of searching, checking archives and scans, calling in favours and panicking. The next forty-eight were utter hell as a rift storm, a large number of first spikes across the city in a short space of time, kicked out the usual flotsam and jetsam of the universe for them to chase, capture if it moved, and archive. The team was split in two, with Jasmine leading one half and Jack leading the other, but it was clear that Jack couldn’t keep it up for long. He hadn’t slept at all, had only eaten when bullied into it, he was focussed solely on Ianto and work. In the brief moments when they hadn’t been running around madly he had been found in Ianto’s office down in the archives, clutching at the photo of the two of them on the young man’s desk and trying to find any explanation for his unexpected and unexplained disappearance.

It was now half past two in the morning and everything was as quiet as the Hub ever got. Everything from the last two days was collected together, filed away, locked in the vaults and secured safely. Gwen and Rhys had gone home to fall into bed together, Martha had collected Tom from the station and taken him to a Torchwood safe house to do the same, Atraxet had crashed in one of the rooms downstairs in the Hub, so Jack, John and Jasmine were alone in the Hub. John snored quietly on the sofa and the two immortals watched him fondly for a while, envying the peace that sleep brought to him. He rolled over slightly and threw his arm out so it trailed across the floor and Jazz chuckled, “Oh good, it’s not just when he’s in bed with me.”

“No, he’s always been like that. You don’t have to stay you know, I’m not going to go home…”

“I’m not leaving you alone Jack.” He looked grateful and let her drop into his lap and lace her arms around his neck, “How are you holding up?”

“Badly.” He confessed, dropping his head forwards to rest on her shoulder, “When did you turn into my big sister?”

“When you started going out with Yan, I got protective of the pair of you because of your idiotic tendencies.”

“Wasn’t those that pulled us apart, was it though?”

Jasmine felt hot tears against her neck where Jack’s head rested and rubbed his back gently, encouraging him to let it out, “It’s not over Jack, we’ll find him. I promise.”

“I’m scared Jazz, really scared.”

Jack closed his eyes as terrified tears burned against them and surrendered to his emotions. Pain flooded through him with the crushing force of a tidal wave, sweeping away his delicate defences and leaving him completely exposed to the acidic burning. Sobs choked and overwhelmed him and he clung unconsciously to the girl in his arms, his one lifeline to sanity and safety. She was trying to call him back, but the shore was so far away.

Ianto was gone, Ianto was his everything, a part of him was missing and he knew nothing. If he’d died, left, been taken by the rift, any of those he could have started to deal with it, come to terms with it and found a stable footing, but it was completely out of the blue, with no explanation, nothing to blame, nothing he could do.

He remembered the last night they’d spent together, feeling so in love that he was sure his heart would explode and Ianto would glare at him for making a mess, holding Ianto in his arms as sleep claimed him; if he’d known what would happen he would never have slept. Right now, he didn’t think he could go on like this, blaming himself for not being awake when it mattered but not knowing if there was anything he could have done to prevent it.

Jasmine’s call got stronger and sounds started to filter through to him. Some scan was beeping to tell them that it was still running smoothly, Myfanwy was soaring around above them, John was still snoring, Jazz was singing softly as she rocked them backwards and forwards. He hummed gently and a chuckle rolled up through the younger immortal as she brushed his hair back gently, “Jack.” She whispered softly, “Take a bath and try to get some rest. You can’t keep going like this, we need you at your best.”

He didn’t have the emotional strength to resist her and allowed himself to be led down to the bathroom in the lower levels of the Hub where Jasmine ran a bath for him and left him with thick fluffy towels – and they were pink, very pink…

Shaking his head fondly at the essential Jazziness of the situation, whilst still feeling like his heart and mind were being put through the wringer, he sank into the bath and tipped his head back to rest on the edge. Nothing, not tears, not the hot water of the bath, nothing could wash away this agony and terror. Tears slid down his cheeks again, not a flood like earlier, just a steady fall without hope or purpose.

The bath had turned cold before he pulled himself out of it and dried himself off slowly. He considered redressing but eventually gave up on that idea and just wrapped the towel around his waist for the moment, pulling the door open to listen for any sounds from around the Hub; it was silent, but a handwritten sign on the opposite wall of the corridor pointed to one of the restrooms in the same area of the base. Following the signs he found that Jazz had made a room up for him and fell gratefully onto the bed, shivering as the cold, sterile sheets touched his skin. It was impersonal, just somewhere he could crash and shut down, again…

He wasn’t coping, he wouldn’t cope and couldn’t cope, not yet. But just for a moment, just for now his friends were there to catch him and, when he was ready, they would put him back on his feet. Sleep didn’t come, the night was washed away in yet more tears.

Jazz watched Jack fall onto the bed and sighed sadly. They had both buried too many over their long lives, and she knew that each new loss bit harder than the last but this… This was worse, worst case scenario. It just left them feeling so helpless and lost and hurt. She made her way slowly back up to the main Hub, checking a mental list of everything she needed to do as she went. A gentle snoring broke through her reverie and she smiled involuntarily at the sound, climbing up to his level to watch her lover sleeping. He’d now rearranged himself more neatly on the couch; his back pressed against the back of the sofa and his face turned away from her. She shivered slightly in loneliness and sat down on the edge of the couch to play with his hair for a moment; when she brushed the back of her fingers against his cheek he reached up in his sleep to hold her hand in place. That one action was all it took to undo her and the tears that she’d been biting back fell down her cheeks. Impulsively she turned to lie beside him, close but not touching him.

It might have been minutes, it might have been only seconds before a strong arm draped across her waist and tugged her closer so that her back was pressed against a warm, muscular chest. She held her breath for a second whilst she determined that John was still fast asleep and just reacting unconsciously to her proximity, then let it out and muffled a sob with her hand. As her crying got fiercer the grip around her tightened and John started whispering soothing words against her hair. She turned in his arms, with difficulty on the narrow seat, and buried her head in his shoulder, taking comfort in his strong embrace. John ran his hands over her hair and rolled them so he was lying flat on the sofa with her resting on top of him, her head tucked under his chin. “We’ll find him Jasmine, we will find him. Somewhere.”

“Some when.” She pointed out, “We know nothing, and what we do know makes it even worse. He could be anywhere, really anywhere. The universe is a big place John.”

He sighed and rubbed her back gently, “Stay positive, we’re the best, remember? It’s not Ianto’s time to leave. Think of Rose.”

“Rose?” She thought about it for a moment and her face clouded in confusion, “Oh God. We have to find him or we’ll punch a hole in time and space.”

“That’s the spirit. Now we’re got you back where you belong, what do we do about Jack?”

The commander dropped her head again to rest her forehead against his chest, “I don’t think he can go on any more. These last two days, they’ve taken it out of him.”

“But he’s Captain Jack Harkness, not even the World Wars got him down.”

“Ianto’s different, apart from the fact that he’s just lost… And I think that he’s never had a choice before. Now we’re all here, and he’s already let down his defences.”

“He doesn’t have to pretend, God what a burden. How do you cope with it?” He pressed a kiss against her forehead gently

“Me?” She chuckled and kissed his shoulder, “I play matchmaker and have lots of kids. Whenever I go across to America I seem to bump into grandchildren.”

“Yick.” He shuddered, “I prefer Jack’s way.”

“Git. Now let me get some sleep.” She snuggled against him and drew in a shuddering breath at the idea of losing more children, losing him… It was the curse of the immortal; they lost everyone, except each other. “Promise me John, promise me you’ll stay with me for as long as you can.”

“I promise baby, I’ve lost you once, I won’t do it again.”