galadriel1010 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
galadriel1010) wrote2010-11-01 06:35 pm
galadriel1010) wrote2010-11-01 06:35 pm
Entry tags:
Alien porn, discussion thereof
Title: It doesn't deserve a title
Characters: Jack and Ianto
Genre: Smut? They only talk about the porn. But they talk about it a lot
Rating: NC17
Era: It really doesn't matter
Series: None. Ever. I will not be dragged into writing the scripts for alien porn films for cookies
Summary: Ianto finds Jack buying porn. They end up talking about alien porn. As you do.
Contains: You need to ask? Talk of lesbian porn. With alien lesbians
Dedication:
Beta:
Disclaimer: Torchwood and its environs, occurrences and persons belong to the BBC. The original characters have disowned me.
Technically, this might be beastiality. I mean, if it counts when it's a human in dog form, surely it counts when it's a non-human in their natural form? Even if that natural form is, for example, bipedal.
The film Jack's looking at is Savages by Satyr films, if anyone's interested.
It's![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nyxelestia's fault! *Coughs*
Story: (For a given definition of story)
Ianto took the mouse back from Jack and brought the page he'd been looking at back up whilst Jack's head thumped back against his chest and Jack sighed. He raised an eyebrow and passed the mouse back. “Well, as long as you don't put it on the company account.”
“You know I wouldn't,” Jack assured him, sounding relieved. “Sorry, I didn't know if you'd...”
“Well, normally I'd wonder if I'm not enough for you,” he confessed, bending over to get Jack's bottle of cognac out of the cupboard and to distract Jack with the view. “But that sort of stuff, I'm quite happy for you to get off DVDs.”
“Not quite your thing,” Jack agreed. He span around in his chair and accepted the tumblers from Ianto to hold them steady. “I take it you're familiar with Torchwood's porn collection.”
“I'm aware of it, although I wouldn't say familiar.” Ianto poured the cognac and returned the bottle to its cupboard, then returned and collected his tumbler from Jack. “Cheers. I have to say, I've never been tempted to watch any of it.”
“Really?” Jack's eyebrows shot up and he shook his head in mock-disapproval. “Is that because they're Torchwood's, or because they feature aliens?”
“Mostly because I like porn DVDs to come with a contents list, not just a star rating. Especially when everything gets five stars,” he corrected Jack, poking his toe into the side of his knee to push the chair around. “Anything good down there?”
“Some stuff.” Jack leered at him. “Tentacles is just the start.”
“Why am I not surprised?” He took another sip of cognac and felt it burn down his throat pleasantly. “I've been offered three orgies involving tentacles this year alone.”
“Yeah, why do you keep turning them down?” Jack asked, apparently genuinely confused.
Ianto just shook his head. “So, out of all the five stars you gave the collection. Which one would have got the most?”
“Well there is this one...” Jack smirked and took another sip of his drink, then waved the glass around. “All-female orgy.”
“All female meaning?”
“Twenty four beings with mainly internal reproductive organs,” he explained. “You'd be surprised how common it is. So no true hermaphrodites, no androgenous beings, no intersex beings and no asexual beings.”
“So it's all strap ons, toys and digits?”
”Oh yeah...” He smiled at the ceiling, eyes somewhat out of focus. “There's this absolute babe, a Kerathi, and they have this really firm skin, tougher than leather but soft as satin, and their breasts... They're sort of supple.”
“Supple.”
“Flexible. Malleable. They can change the mass at will, make themselves harder all over, like clenching your stomach muscles.”
Ianto licked his lips. “She fucked one of the others with her breast?”
“One?” Jack grinned at him, palming lazily at his cock and eyeing Ianto's, which was getting interested. “She had two of them riding her, rubbing up against each other.”
“Where...” Ianto cleared his throat and knocked back the last of his drink, then stood up. “Where did you say these videos were kept?”
Jack grinned lazily and pulled Ianto towards him. “They're all kept on the mainframe, of course. Mind you... you might have to sit in my lap to see properly.”
Characters: Jack and Ianto
Genre: Smut? They only talk about the porn. But they talk about it a lot
Rating: NC17
Era: It really doesn't matter
Series: None. Ever. I will not be dragged into writing the scripts for alien porn films for cookies
Summary: Ianto finds Jack buying porn. They end up talking about alien porn. As you do.
Contains: You need to ask? Talk of lesbian porn. With alien lesbians
Dedication:
Beta:
Disclaimer: Torchwood and its environs, occurrences and persons belong to the BBC. The original characters have disowned me.
Technically, this might be beastiality. I mean, if it counts when it's a human in dog form, surely it counts when it's a non-human in their natural form? Even if that natural form is, for example, bipedal.
The film Jack's looking at is Savages by Satyr films, if anyone's interested.
It's
nyxelestia's fault! *Coughs*Story: (For a given definition of story)
Ianto took the mouse back from Jack and brought the page he'd been looking at back up whilst Jack's head thumped back against his chest and Jack sighed. He raised an eyebrow and passed the mouse back. “Well, as long as you don't put it on the company account.”
“You know I wouldn't,” Jack assured him, sounding relieved. “Sorry, I didn't know if you'd...”
“Well, normally I'd wonder if I'm not enough for you,” he confessed, bending over to get Jack's bottle of cognac out of the cupboard and to distract Jack with the view. “But that sort of stuff, I'm quite happy for you to get off DVDs.”
“Not quite your thing,” Jack agreed. He span around in his chair and accepted the tumblers from Ianto to hold them steady. “I take it you're familiar with Torchwood's porn collection.”
“I'm aware of it, although I wouldn't say familiar.” Ianto poured the cognac and returned the bottle to its cupboard, then returned and collected his tumbler from Jack. “Cheers. I have to say, I've never been tempted to watch any of it.”
“Really?” Jack's eyebrows shot up and he shook his head in mock-disapproval. “Is that because they're Torchwood's, or because they feature aliens?”
“Mostly because I like porn DVDs to come with a contents list, not just a star rating. Especially when everything gets five stars,” he corrected Jack, poking his toe into the side of his knee to push the chair around. “Anything good down there?”
“Some stuff.” Jack leered at him. “Tentacles is just the start.”
“Why am I not surprised?” He took another sip of cognac and felt it burn down his throat pleasantly. “I've been offered three orgies involving tentacles this year alone.”
“Yeah, why do you keep turning them down?” Jack asked, apparently genuinely confused.
Ianto just shook his head. “So, out of all the five stars you gave the collection. Which one would have got the most?”
“Well there is this one...” Jack smirked and took another sip of his drink, then waved the glass around. “All-female orgy.”
“All female meaning?”
“Twenty four beings with mainly internal reproductive organs,” he explained. “You'd be surprised how common it is. So no true hermaphrodites, no androgenous beings, no intersex beings and no asexual beings.”
“So it's all strap ons, toys and digits?”
”Oh yeah...” He smiled at the ceiling, eyes somewhat out of focus. “There's this absolute babe, a Kerathi, and they have this really firm skin, tougher than leather but soft as satin, and their breasts... They're sort of supple.”
“Supple.”
“Flexible. Malleable. They can change the mass at will, make themselves harder all over, like clenching your stomach muscles.”
Ianto licked his lips. “She fucked one of the others with her breast?”
“One?” Jack grinned at him, palming lazily at his cock and eyeing Ianto's, which was getting interested. “She had two of them riding her, rubbing up against each other.”
“Where...” Ianto cleared his throat and knocked back the last of his drink, then stood up. “Where did you say these videos were kept?”
Jack grinned lazily and pulled Ianto towards him. “They're all kept on the mainframe, of course. Mind you... you might have to sit in my lap to see properly.”
no subject
*headdesk*
Cookies for the guts it must've taken to write this thing, though. :D
no subject
*Noms cookies* *Happy monster*
no subject
no subject
Gxxx
no subject
...i think that about covers it, yep. other then the fact that i'm giggling so hard i nearly fell off the bed. *facepalm*
no subject
Torchwood has broken me
Rxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
no subject
no subject
no subject
Gxxx
no subject
no subject
Gxxx
no subject
no subject
Jack clearly needs a better rating system. Perhaps Ianto could redo it. OR they could do it together and become the next Siskel and Ebert.
no subject
no subject