Oh yes I totally agree with you. I think the reason Jack/Ianto appealed to me in canon was that Ianto made all the first moves onscreen. Which does balance out the boss thing, and even though Ianto did look up to Jack, the sexual relationship didn't seem to be relevant to the way he admired him professionally, if that makes any sense at all, but I always felt that it was very seperate. Of course shagging the boss is one of the oldest tropes, in real life as well as fiction, so it's always fraught with cliches anyhow.

I can only see the gun range thing in a very negative light, of Jack being innappropriate, for the reasons that you say. I don't really like that episode anyhow, but there are a few scenes in TW that I never bother to rewatch, and that's one of them. I find it very uncomfortable.