Late Night Loss Chapter 15

[galadriel1010]

Aragorn watched the strange man in concern; it was clear to everyone around him that the other outlander was more than just a friend. The ranger was keen eyed and hadn’t needed Legolas to point out that the two men wore matching rings on the same fingers, although it had been the perfect opening to discuss the matter with him, “You believe they’re married?” he asked quietly, just far enough away that Jack wouldn’t hear them but close enough that they could keep an eye on him; to say that he’d taken the news badly would be an understatement.

“I do, or if he isn’t they should be.” The elf frowned, his beautiful brow creasing as he too watched his new friend

“Unless Ianto doesn’t feel the same that is, which would be a tragedy in itself.”

Erkenbrand had approached them without their noticing and looked over their shoulders, “Oh he does, it was so clear when he heard that his captain was looking for him. Any man should love his captain so much that he would die for him, Ianto loves him so much that he wouldn’t, he would rather live with the guilt and grief than have the one he loves feel it.”

They studied the captain for a while, trying to process this new information. Aragorn was the one to break the silence, “Where is the young man now?”

“With the remainder of my men I would suspect, although I cannot know. He will likely meet us when we return to Edoras.”

“Via Isengard.” Aragorn pointed out, moving forwards to shake his friend’s shoulder softly, “Captain, we need to move on. Theoden king rides to Isengard in one hour, will you ride with us.”

Jack looked up at him in surprise and mentally shook himself harder than Aragorn had been able to, “Do you mean on a horse? And please call me Jack.”

The ranger laughed, “Yes, Jack, I mean on a horse. Do you not ride?” He asked, suddenly serious

“I can ride… I just choose not to. I don’t need to and the last time I rode… let’s just say it wasn’t the best day of my life.” He had hesitated, tempted to reveal his secret, but there was that question burning in his mind, what if he wasn’t immortal here, what if he could die? What would have happened if he’d died in the battle?

“Will you ride?”

He seemed to consider it for a moment before sighing heavily, “Yes, I will ride. For him, I’ll do anything.”

“You’re besotted laddie.” A gruff voice came from closer to the ground and he raised an eyebrow, “We can all see it.”

“Yeah, well…” He rubbed the back of his neck as he stood up, “He is my husband.” Jack didn’t know what he’d expected after that declaration, but he’d never expected the ‘I told you so’ grins or the way Eowyn grumpily handed her brother something subtly so that he wouldn’t notice; not in Middle Earth at least. “Am I really that obvious?”

“As plain to read as the song of the wind.” Legolas assured him, then recognised the looks he was getting from the others, “OK, maybe that was a bad analogy. Yes, you’re fairly obvious. You were terrified when you thought he was here, then even worse when you found out he wasn’t and you’ve just been miserable since you found out he was safe but not here.”

“Oh.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here. The sooner we leave, the sooner we’ll reach Edoras and the sooner you’ll be back with him.” Eomer pointed out, leading the way from the fortress to the stables.

==Flashback==

As soon as it was safe in the narrative frame, Jack hurried to the group in the main room of the fortress, fear easy to read in his troubled countenance. Erkenbrand forestalled his questions by asking one of his own, “You’re Jack?”

He could only nod wordlessly, trying to keep himself under control

The Marshal nodded a greeting to him, “Ianto speaks highly of you, do not worry, he is safe.”

“Just not here.” Eomer clarified, feeling guilty for worrying his new friend, “There was a medical emergency in the town before they left. Ianto was the best qualified to deal with it, but when the time came for them to leave he still could not leave his patient.”

“He and the remainder of my men will join with us later.” Erkenbrand informed him, “Are you really outlanders?”

Jack sighed in relief, fighting off the loneliness and the desperation to just sink into Ianto’s arms and never let go as he would after a day like this at home, not possible here, “Yes, Ianto disappeared nearly a week ago. For four days I had no idea where he was, now I know… It’s just a matter of catching him.” He managed a strained and lopsided smile, but a smile none the less. “I will be relieved to have him back.”

==End flashback==

“So, Captain.” mer had ridden up beside him and startled him from his reverie, “You ride well, especially for someone who doesn’t ride often.”

He shrugged, “I used to ride a lot, it’s something you never forget I think.”

The young man smiled at him, controlling his own horse effortlessly, as though he’d been born in the saddle, “I’ve never had the chance to forget.” They rode in a companionable silence for a while until Legolas and Gimli joined beside Jack. Legolas smiled at him brightly, too brightly, ”So, Jack, how did you and Ianto meet?”

He was silent for so long that they thought that he hadn’t heard him, but eventually he looked up at the horizon, “He stalked me until I gave him a job, lured me in with a Pterodactyl and a bar of chocolate.”

“A what say?”

“Never mind.” He sighed, “I’m his boss, he’s been working for me for… Not as long as it feels like actually. We’ve only been married two months though.”

“Tell us about him,” Legolas asked, “We only met him very briefly.”

Jack shrugged and smiled softly, thinking about his lover, friend and partner, “Words couldn’t do him justice. He knows everything, he’s beautiful and he’s mine and I’m his. I’m not great with words.” He confessed, “Especially when it’s about him.”

“You so sweet.” Eomer teased him, “Now come on, before we fall behind.”

Jack stood silently, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something seriously metaphysical was going on, because when Ianto had left the book behind, he had brought it with him, so he was following the plot closely, scanning for any reference to either him or Ianto. His friends objected when he read what was happening to them at that time, but just ahead of where they were was fine. So far there had been no serious rewritings, a fact for which he was grateful. It was two days since the battle began, over a week since he had last seen Ianto, and all hell was about to break loose. Pippin was in a state of paralysis, having just stared into the Palantir, and Gandalf was making preparations to ride to Gondor with him. Sighing, the captain readied his horse, knowing how long it would take him compared to the others, and was ready to leave when the Nazgul soared overhead, chilling the hearts and minds of all those who weren’t as numb as Jack was. An air of inevitability had descended over him; he was inside a novel, which meant that narrative causality was driving his life. He was on a quest, and he wouldn’t be able to complete it easily. Damn fiction and damn the author.

Aragorn sought out his friend with a heavy heart. Jack stood at the top of the road, looking down at the silent encampment and the steady, still slow stream of arrivals. They watched in silence for a while until Jack spoke, his tone as heavy and broken as his heart, “He won’t come in time.”

“You don’t have to come, you can stay here and await his arrival.”

The captain shook his head and offered a smile to the future king, “You and I know, Aragorn, destiny is calling. Either that, or the narrative. I’m with you until one of our stories ends.

Aragorn placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “I blame the author.”

He huffed out a laugh, “I was thinking the same myself.” With a heavy sigh he turned away from the view and blinked away a tear, “I just have to hope that our story has a happy ending. When do we ride out?”

“Two hours; get some rest.”

Ianto looked up at the twisting, twining road leading up to the mountain refuge of Dunharrow. He had a bad feeling that he hoped was just down to the dark place and the dark day, but something told him it was more than that.

With Faewine and Rhodwine he turned his horse and they climbed the twisting track, growing gradually dizzier as they did so. As they reached the top a guard emerged from the shadows to stop them, but allowed him, and only him, to pass. Word of his arrival appeared to spread quickly and before he’d finished rubbing his horse down he became aware of a presence behind him. Hope sprang unbidden within him, but was crushed almost instantly without him turning around; if it were jack he would have known about it before he even arrived.

He composed himself under the guise of finishing the rub down and finally turned, biting back a cry of surprise as he saluted Eowyn, Lady of the Mark. She waved him down with an expression of sympathy and apology, “We’re not in the story now, it’s good to see you again.”

He nodded in agreement but dropped his eyes, unable to hold her scrutinising gaze, “He’s not here, is he?”

She sighed and held out a letter, “He asked me to let him explain, he took the dark road with the Lord Aragorn.”

“I knew he would.” He whispered, more to himself than to her, then met her eyes again and accepted the letter, “Thank you Eowyn. I hink I will be riding with you when the time comes.”

They shared a look of understanding and she withdrew, leaving him to his thoughts and fears. Ianto studied the folded letter, his name written across it in Jack’s neat handwriting that was almost calligraphy; he made his way to the tent that had been prepared for him and sank onto the pile of blankets and furs where he could read and, undoubtedly, cry, without anyone seeing him.

“Dearest Ianto,

Please forgive me for going on without you. Destiny (or possibly the narrative) draws me on; I cannot leave Aragorn at this stage (I’m actually starting to think like he talks, for which I apologise profusely).

If you feel half as bad without me as I do without you then I am so sorry; you know that I would do anything in my power to keep you form any pain. I can’t begin to tell you how shit I felt when you went missing. The moment I realised that you weren’t there with me, that you could be in danger and I had no way of knowing or protecting you, I felt like my heart was being ripped out (literally, and trust me I know what that feels like), and the pain hasn’t diminished. I know it won’t until I have you back here with me, once I do I will never, ever let you go. Wherever you are now reading this letter, wherever you have been and wherever you will go, you carry my heart with you, and have done for a long time; and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love you so much Yan, you are my everything and I can’t wait for the moment when we’re back in each other’s arms. Please, please forgive me for prolonging the wait for that moment.

Forever yours, Jack”

Jack had been crying when he wrote the letter, and Ianto’s tears now joined his on the page. He set it aside carefully to protect and preserve it and cradled his head in his hands, sobs wracking his whole frame. He felt sick to his stomach with dear and longing for his partner. This was fiction, he didn’t need to eat or sleep like in real life, maybe other things were different too, maybe Jack’s immortality wasn’t the same. Every time Jack fell he felt the fear that this would be their final parting, and this time his lover was taking a dangerous road without their usual guarantee. The other end of that road was in Minas Tirith, and there was only one way for Ianto to join him there.